Single again.... maybe for the rest of my life

Hey Eve,

I spent years of my life having similar thoughts and emotions to what you're writing about here. How about going back to your blog and writing a bit more on dating yourself, or find something to distract you. I am alone but no longer in a state of anguish or worrying about Valentine's Day. Try to live for today.

TY! I am due to write another blog article actually. Maybe I will write about dating yourself.. that's a good idea! I am anguishing over V day... ugh.... the only silver lining is my favorite band plays that night.

Valentines Day is just a day. In loving relationship Valentine’s Day is every day. I never do anything particularly special for Valentine’s Day because either both of us or one of us works day/night etc sure I love romance and so does my husband but it doesn’t need to be on that day. When I was single, it was also just another day. Who cares. It’s a weekday, not even weekend. Most people can’t go out on that day even if they want to.

I’ve read about people getting in relationship with whoever or prolonging break ups so they have a date for New Years Eve of Valentines Day. Really.. It sounds high schoolish to me.

In fact the only people I know in real life who are obsessed with valentine day are high school kids. Two weeks before that and two weeks after. Don’t drive yourself crazy over unimportant things. Try not to be “anguishing” about it.

I know.. where I live it's a big deal. All the restaurants are booked weeks ahead of time. If you don't have a date on V day, you feel pretty lousy.

It's just the way I feel -- it's a big day to me. I wish I had someone to share it with.

Stupidly about a month ago I bought a silly eBook on how to get a man to fall in love with you and want to marry you. Yeah... ok... lol..... I read parts of it, thought it was ridiculous and put it down. Now I am receiving all these insane emails about how to say trigger words and phrases that will get a man to think about you all day long and long for your company! I had to unsubscribe myself from this sheer insanity...

like there's some secret formula to getting men to fall head over heels in love and want to marry you!!!! I am sickened by it, and I am sickened by the fact I even bought their stupid gimmock ebook!!!

Lol...Don't beat yourself up too much about buying an ebook about how to get a guy. I bought a set of CD's on the subject after my last breakup. This was three years ago. I never listened to them and finally threw them away last month.

Thank you... glad to know I'm not the only one who does silly things like this!! lol.

I'm actually curious as to what it says. LOL.

There's a whole industry of people out there trying to get you to buy their products on how to get a boyfriend, get a guy to love you, how to get your ex back (that is what I was after). Just google. Lot's of stuff on Youtube.

It’s a big deal where I live too, I am in a big metro area as well, but it doesn’t concern me. Well it’s not like I don’t enjoy or dont do things on holidays lol I just am not going to be upset if I am not doing what others do on the particular days.

Bunch of people work or exhausted from work or from two jobs or have late class to take or drive two hours to work in a snow or have young kids or elderly sick parents or celebrate at home or take care of other urgent business. Heck medical professiinals or police etc rarely ever are free on holidays. Life doesn’t stop.

I guess when we are missing something in life, we tend to think that everyone has what we are missing. But it’s jusf isn’t the case. Not everyone (regardless if they are single or in relationship) will be in the restaurant drinking champagne. Bunch of people won’t. It’s a bit of a fairy tale vision of life. I am not saying you shouldn’t go out, but that’s just doesn’t have to be source of pain if you don’t. Try not to be upset. If you are afraid of what people think tell them you are helping your parents move or something. No ones business

That is crazy. It’s something to laugh about, isn’t. You should send us quotes for laughs. This kind of stuff is popular on the Internet. Like somebody would really want a partner that she lured in by trigger words. What a joke.

I know right?????? LOL! It really is absolutely over the top ridiculous! I should find quotes... I buried it somewhere on my computer.

Thanks, Divine... you're right. I will try not to be so upset. I will try at least....

I didn't read far enough... I laughed and was like, is this a joke??? And I paid for this??? that's the worst part. lol.

I'm sure this is!!! It's all relationship crap and propaganda.

I hope either you or someone could benefit from this video. I just think he explains things well.

I'll be honest about Valentine's day, I haven't viewed it quite the same since researching origins. I wear black now and claim religious observance. From Christmas to New Years to my son's birthday to my birthday and 2 weeks later...this typically snow filled day where dressing up is a long shot-who wants to wear heels in snow and ice? I do give little giftbags to my sons.

I suspect as far as the book, isn't it funny how it's implied that we aren't good enough, as women? As though there's some flaw because we haven't landed a catch? No wonder that it's both laughable and frustrating.

I just started to listen to the above video. Perhaps some words of wisdom? Or just another disappointed heart? It's 38 minutes long

Marriage involves sharing space and responsibility for maintaining space. I might just be disillusioned?? Is your worth truly contingent on shared space?

Certain number of those people who made restaurant reservations and got dressed up or what not arent even in a good relationship, but rather just maintain appearances and do what’s expected. Things like dates or gifts or restaurants or other appearances are fun but don’t have any kind of deep meaning. It really means nothing. Don’t assume because people do this or that on Valentine’s Day they have something in their life you should envy. Some do, but some absolutely don’t

Are there even any single’s bars any more? They used to have Valentine’s Day events for singles.

[QUOTE=TishaBuv;6009848]Are there even any single’s bars any more? They used to have Valentine’s Day events for singles.[/QUOT

I just looked and counted 8 Valentine’s Day events in my area, hosted by meetups. So one can go out if they want to. Not all events are on that day though. Most are on the weekend after. I don’t know too many people who have the kind of job that leaves much energy to go out during the week. But plenty events on the weekend

In my particular case, yes. I have been married for 27 years to a man who only married ME because I possessed female genitalia and would be a maid who brought in a paycheck. Our marriage is just that. Every man for himself.

Here's my take on Valentine's Day. I have TWO men in my life who I love more than anything in the world. One is my best friend, and the other is my sort-of boyfriend, (who is part of my Star Trek group that I have made wonderful bonds with) and that I have flirty fun with, (I refuse to slap a label on this one), and I sent them both cards and the SAME kind of present for Valentine's Day, (they both have beards so I sent them both beard kits to beautify it), and it made me happy to send them.

Here's the kicker, even though I have access to both men, (they both live in the same state as me), I have NO INTENTION of having a romantic Valentine's Day with either one of them. My limit is probably a nice phone call for the each of them. It's not that I am greedy or ungrateful, or that I don't care for either one, its that something clicked in my head about what it is that I have been looking for in a relationship.

It's FREEDOM. ABSOLUTE FREEDOM to love whoever, how many I want to, and not have any chains tied to me. Chains like marriage, living with someone, or even the obligations of dates. And I am talking about cheating on anyone either, both the men in my life are fully aware of each other. I fully understand that those kinds of things may be good for some people, but not for me.

I guess what I am saying is, I have been where Eve is, and where a lot of women are coming from, and I have to say, the way the veil of "the perfect relationship" was pulled out from over my eyes, and I realized that I can live my life however I choose, I didn't need to pine, wish, desperately grasp for something that was proabably not meant for me anyway, and I really don't care. I am blessed with the love I have from these men, and my family, and all my friends.

My solution? Getting all dolled up and heading to my favorite local restaurant, ordering a glass of wine, and eating a nice meal, ALL BY MYSELF, this Valentine's Day. And if people look and stare? All they will see is a confident woman, who is loving who she is and enjoying life on her terms.

(By the way, Valentines' Day should really be everyday anyway, not just reserved for one day. Love the one you're with like every day is Valentine's Day!!).

Good points! A lot of couples break up around Valentines Day too... I know I have!

Yes, I think it's implied that we don't know how to find love whatsoever! It's crazy!!

I think you could be disillusioned... marriage to me is so much more than shared space.... partnership and companionship for one.

I don't know if I would want to do that since I don't want to date right now or meet anyone to date.