[kuzcotopia]

Hello All,

I am a 30 yrs old woman married for 12 long years .5 yrs ago I met my childhood sweetheart who was in deep depression then for breaking up with his girlfriend..I thought of staying beside him to give me some mental support...its all my fault by doing that I went into a relationship with him..somehow I was lonely at that point as my husband was busy with his work pressure but never neglected me though.....because of my stupidity I went through a lot of abuse, insult and depression in this relationship with this boy..All I found out that the person I thought that he still loves me is a NARCISSIST...he cant love anyone.. he has no empathy ..he only used me as a source of love supplies...he said he never went to Brothels as it let down his dignity but still he can stay up of 1 hr in bed while he claimed that he had no sex for last 6 months !!! Still He can unbutton bra in mili seconds !!! ........ from all these happenings I ended up believing that he is a Big Fat Liar... he had sex may b 100 times in 6 months ans fooled me like anything.......Today I cant face myself anymore...I was the lady who was always honest to his husband but somehow got involved in this emotional lust trap.....I want to save my relationship with my husband thats why I didn't tell him anything...m absorbing all the pain inside me and seeking strength from God.......I blocked that dickhead from everywhere so that he cant reach me ever in life....but I feel so restless cant console my body n soul to get over with this.....he exploited me used me and I couldnt do anything......how would I console myself ? Plz help me

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you were used like that.
You have already did a good thing by blocking him and cutting contacts with him.

Now that you've dealt with that, I think you should re-think the relationship you have with your husband. Since you basically cheated on him, perhaps your marriage isn't going as well as you thought. I'm not going to say to confess everything to your husband because that's your choice. But I definitely think you need to adress these issues if you want to put all of this behind you.

[kuzcotopia]

Do u all think like the same that he slept with several women in last 6 months ??? I cant make myself believe that the way he was with me i cant think of he can sleep with others just like that !! But I read about narcissist characteristics that they r not trustable..they can lie anytime to fulfil their demands !!

Yes I cheated my husband but I regret each n every seconds now how stupid I am I gave my everything to a narcissist who used me for satisfying his lust...I cant forgive myself for this in my whole life...i feel so helpless these days..nothing to console my soul.

Is there a chance that he might tell your husband?

[kuzcotopia]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Is there a chance that he might tell your husband?

Hopefully NO...he doesn't know him in anyway...but still if he manages to contact him...what should I do ???

[Nammu]

You should be open and honest with your husband. Stop playing behind his back and ask for forgiveness.

It would be better that you tell your husband instead of him hearing about it from someone else.

[kuzcotopia]

I did a huge HUGE mistake going into this relationship... I got the lesson ... I can promise myself never get fooled by this kind of stuffs anymore but I can't risk my life again telling him about all this **** ..I have a 7 yrs old son.. If my husband coundnt forgive me It will ruin my son's life as well....Yes I always believed in honesty but at this point It will ruin our life and that will happen only for that guy whom I hate like anything...I need to forgive myself first.

[kuzcotopia]

Do you all think the same that I should tell the truth to my husband ? What if he cant forgive me ? M all alone in this world...what would i do then if he leaves me ?

[Middlemarcher]

Whether or not you tell your husband, it would do you well to take all the energy you’re putting into this other man (thinking about him, reading about narcissism) and put it back into yourself and your marriage. I would recommend going to therapy to figure out why you cheated, rather than dealing directly with any problems you had in your marriage. Good luck to you.

[Nammu]

I think at the very least you have to accept some responsibility for your actions. At some point you made the desicion to cheat. It takes two people, the guy did not hypnotize you. How about starting by getting a therapist and talking to them about this and working on yourself. You can ask your husband to go to couples therapy after you've worked a bit with an individual T.

[kuzcotopia]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Is there a chance that he might tell your husband?

[QUOTE=Nammu;6007936]I think at the very least you have to accept some responsibility for your actions. At some point you made the desicion to cheat. It takes two people, the guy did not hypnotize you. How about starting by getting a therapist and talking to them about this and working on yourself. You can ask your husband to go to couples therapy after you've worked a bit with an individual T.[/QUOTE/]

U r right.....I admitted my sin m ashamed of...may b at that point of my life I faced immense loneliness that pushed me into all this just to pass time....what u said
Thats reasonable..I m ready to go for any therapy or counselling to rebuild my relationship with my husband... what kind of threapy I should go for ? Should I go n see a Psychologist / psychiatrist ?

[Nammu]

I'd start with personal therapy just for you. A psychologist or social worker types to talk about what is keeping you from achieving peace and harmony in your life.

[~Christina]

I agree you need to get into Therapy to find out how and why you cheated.

I also think you should get tested for all Std’s not everything shows up right away. You owe that to your husband he could have caught something from your affair with that guy.

I hope your able to work through all the emotions I’m sure your having to deal with.

Good luck

[kuzcotopia]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I agree you need to get into Therapy to find out how and why you cheated.

I also think you should get tested for all Std’s not everything shows up right away. You owe that to your husband he could have caught something from your affair with that guy.

I hope your able to work through all the emotions I’m sure your having to deal with.

Good luck

OMG...you scared the hell outta me !! Can I get STD from this affair ?? How long it takes to show up symptoms ? How come I go for this test without telling my husband ??

[~Christina]

Anyone can get an std from sleeping with someone, even condoms won’t protect from all std’s

Not all stds show up right away. For instance hpv can go unknown , some people are carriers and never show symptoms but can infect others.. I had a nurse friend get herpes, her fiancée didn’t have breakouts but she did on there honeymoon no less..
He didn’t cheat he had caught it prior to them dating.

You can easily get tested by going to your gym for a check up.

[kuzcotopia]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I agree you need to get into Therapy to find out how and why you cheated.

I also think you should get tested for all Std’s not everything shows up right away. You owe that to your husband he could have caught something from your affair with that guy.

I hope your able to work through all the emotions I’m sure your having to deal with.

Good luck

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Anyone can get an std from sleeping with someone, even condoms won’t protect from all std’s

Not all stds show up right away. For instance hpv can go unknown , some people are carriers and never show symptoms but can infect others.. I had a nurse friend get herpes, her fiancée didn’t have breakouts but she did on there honeymoon no less..
He didn’t cheat he had caught it prior to them dating.

You can easily get tested by going to your gym for a check up.

I tested for HIV which came negative but my PCP said they dont do the other STD tests. I have to go to a different center for this speciality tests...may be that involves additional costs as insurance not gonna cover all of these.... do gynecologists can help to get the test?

[~Christina]

Most gyno’s offer std testing or local health departments.

Make sure you do follow up HIV testing as it can take time for it to show up on testing.
I’m not trying to scare you but infections can happen.

I just Googled. Planned Parenthood does STD screening.

[Middlemarcher]

Planned Parenthood would probably be a good place to go, as they might also be able to point you to some resources for therapy as well.

I see that you came to the US from another country, and it looks like you may be in an arranged marriage? If you have a strong community of people from your country nearby, you could possibly ask around discreetly to see if anyone has a therapist they see who understands these cultural issues. I know that you might not be able to ask other people, but if you can, it might be helpful to find a therapist who understands your background and cultural values.

[kuzcotopia]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

I just Googled. Planned Parenthood does STD screening.

Are these test centers will cover by any insurance ? If not ..then I have no other way to get these tests done !! Will call them though to get info...some urgent care also showing std tests done when I googled.

I did see that they do free testing in some cases.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/le...et-tested-stds

[Crazy Hitch]

What if your tests come back positive? It would mean your husband is infected too and it might be a little bit late to tell him then I think. But I think it's very important you do get tested seeming as this man you had an affair with has slept with a ridiculous amount woman.

[winter loneliness]

I would test and find out. if positive tell. If not positive think about why you cheated. If you think you won't cheat again ,then don't say anything, and get counseling.

If this was a 1 time thing then make sure it stays that way.