Is this callous behavior?

I live with my brother who smokes often and I'm a smoker too and have mainly been smoking to calm my nerves but, when I'm out of cigarettes and depressed or anxious he doesn't want to give me any but, will continue to smoke in front of me like it's perfectly okay.
I've known him to behave in other ways that seemed heartless or callous as well.
Often times he doesn't seem capable of experiencing the soft side of emotion, has an explosive temper and will lie to make himself look like a good or understanding person and seems consumed with his own hobbies and interests.

It must be difficult to live with your brother. Has he threatened you or other people with his explosive temperament?

Maybe you can hide a couple of cigarettes to use as an emergency back up and not expect him to change.

It could be callous, it could be other things... it depends on your brother's state of mind at the time he is doing these things and what his awareness is. Do you ask him for a cig and he downright refuses?

This certainly qualifies as callous behavior in my book.

Extremely difficult. I believe that if I found a room mate my quality of life would be healthier and happier.
Right now my desire to live is that I don't care to wake up when I go to bed at night.
My rights in the house always come second and I am treated like an invalid and "reminded" of it when I talk
about getting it together and going back to work or getting a driver's lisence.
He also has taken away my EBT card numerous times to save his own money from being spent on food
and he has it in his wallet right now even.
I made it clear to my mother back when she was alive that I was going to move out as soon as I could and get
as far away from him as possible because of his freeloading.
After she passed away and I was going to leave, he gave me a sob story about how she had said on her deathbed
that she'd wanted us (me and my brother) to stay together.
I believe this was a lie to prevent me from moving out. That was 5 and a half years ago.
My life has gradually been going down hill since then and I just want to die now.

Yes. He threatens to get angry when he doesn't get his way or if I try to stand up to him
or point out that he mistreats me.
A few months ago, one of my negative alters surfaced and my brother got angry and smacked us really hard.
My alter threatened him for that and he blew off the threat.
For my sake my alter decided to spare him but, if it happens again I think it will lead to something truly horrible.
My brother acts as if his own feelings are all that matter and that because I can't work that my life is easy.
He doesn't like to drive me to any stores either even if I pay for his gas.
The only time I get to go anywhere is when we go out to pick up groceries.
Whenever family calls or visits he turns on the charm and acts like he's a caring brother and will sit and tell
outright lies in my presence.
A few of my positive alters resent the way that he treats me and they tell me so.
One in particular is utterly disgusted with him and another reminded me that he was gradually taking away ALL of my rights.
I don't get to see my doctor for more than a month away and even she doesn't know about this stuff because I forget to write it down or lately he goes into the doctor's office with me to talk to my doctor.

I wish I could but, my nerves are so shot that I've practically been chain smoking.
Even when I have money, my part of the bills are so high that I can't afford to smoke until my next check and practically
have to beg and grovel for him to give me change to go buy cigarettes with.
Tonight he gave me some change only after me admitting that I've been feeling suicidal but, don't want to go to the hospital because of how poorly they treat me when I'm there.

He is usually watching TV or working on his model cars at the time.
He tries to make his actions sound reasonable too like how I really need to quit smoking and blah blah blah and how he is just trying to help me.

Yes. He'll either tell me that I need to quit or that he can't spare any of his own because he is low on money and cigarettes
but, you know what?
Whenever he wants a whopper sandwich or fellet-o fish or Big Mac he almost always has the money for it.
After bills I barely half 100 dollars to last me the month!

I agree. Whenever I've tried to move out he has tried laying guilt trips on me and acting hurt and throwing up to me ALL of the things HE has done for ME.
All he has done is take me to doctors appointments, helped me out on meds and lawned me money for cigarettes which I always pay back even when I can't afford to.
Sometimes he'll even by me a cheese burger or some candy when I'm low on cash. I feel like a damn slave...

Your brother to me, sounds rather callous and extremely controlling He seems like a real control freak. Hypocrit too since he suggests you quit when he still smokes. Looks like his favorite motto is do what I say not what I do.

Um, cigarettes are flipping expensive...it's over $8 here in California for one pack. He has the right to refuse you cigarettes. It sounds like a routine habit of you to be asking him for smokes if you can't afford it which is quite frankly rude on your end to feel entitled to have his when you have none. It's called mooching and it's a big no-no among smokers. And you know what, he doesn't have to leave his smoking area. You can leave if you do not have smokes and he is not giving you any, just leave that area. OR. You can pay him the 70c it costs per cigarette if you're really that desperate.

I don’t think it’s callous for him to not give you cigarettes unless you do that reciprocally. Meaning, sharing with him when he’s out.

My brother and I used to do that when I smoked. Usually pick up a pack for the other. We were very close, however. I had no money when I was IP and he brought me cigarettes for five months. And Diet Coke. I helped him, too. We were good roommates when we lived together.

That said, my brother always had financial problems so if I gave him anything, I considered it a gift, not a loan.

I don’t think either of you are “at fault,” so to speak. You two don’t get along and sharing isn’t “mandatory.” IMO. I liked the poster’s suggestion about not running out.

They are very expensive. I hope that came out ok...take care.

No. You are an adult. You don't need his permission, and he is not the reason why you can't move out, it is because you do not make enough money to move out. I am also concerned about your "alters" and how roommates would be difficult in understanding your current state of being and the fact you will no longer be able to borrow money from them like you do with your brother, who does in fact give you things, but only things you need, not frivolous cigarettes which is nothing more than a crutch.

well cigarettes are an addiction. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known to man. Still it is possible to quit. I did in July 2015, finally for good. Not one puff ever.

It seems you are in a bad dynamic in many ways with your brother but a big factor is your chain smoking. You can stop chain smoking. Space your cigarettes out and don't smoke more than you can afford.

That is a step in the right direction and will free you in many ways from your brother's controlling behaviors.

Don't let him go into your doctor's office with you on a regular basis. You have the right to privacy regarding your medical/psychiatric care.

Funny how some think but, yes, cigarettes are expensive and I believe I said that I always pay my debts even if I can't afford to.
I had been quit for eight months and only started back due to extreme stress.
I have terrible OCD and on top of that we live in a filthy apartment that I desperately want to get out of but, that's probably my fault too since I only clean up my messes and not his as well even though he demands that I do so while he is at work.
On top of that when you are fighting bipolar, extreme OCD, possible DID, constant worry, fear, anxiety, being diabetic and a whole load of other emotions because things are piling up on you it is a bit hard not to start smoking again or to use whatever will ease the internal agony.

And just for the record, Lark. I thank God that a very good friend on here saved me from you with a comment in an older thread that changed your mind about talking with me.
You're nothing like you claimed to be in that thread. Very much the opposite actually.

You have no idea the battles and hardship I face and the walls I put up so I don't get defeated by anyone, especially by strangers on the internet. No one here knows the full story, because when I shared my story of fleeing my burning home which burnt to the ground along with the rest of Coffee Park, the horrific comments people made here made me never want to open up to anyone again, which is what you wanted. I'm horrified of sharing my story to the people right in front of me, why would I do that in an anonymous support group of all places?

I am being fair in my comments and nothing of it is malicious.

Defeated? Is everyone a potential threat in your eyes? Are you a valkyrie on a crusade?

What could a low level soldier like me possibly have to gain by not wanting you to ever open up to anyone again?

I never asked you to share your story. I just wanted someone hip to the jive to talk to.
You were the one who responded in a cold and defensive manner.

Did I say that it was? Sounds like guilt to me.

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