[socksbaby]

My ex and I broke up about a year ago. When we broke up I became
depressed which triggered the downfall of my mental health. In the summer of 2017 i truly went off the rails. I was 17 years old with unmedicated ADHD and depression. I was also raped in 2016 and my parents found out about it in summer 17 and when they found out i felt depression and pain I’ve never experienced before. I was impulsive and reckless because I was so depressed I didn’t give a **** about what I did anymore. Sex didnt mean anything after being raped so I was promiscuous and hooked up with many guys. Everything during that time in my life was a blur. Anyway. During the time my ex’s friend would flirt with me and try to get me to send nudes. I didn’t want to because I was still in love with my ex but I let my guard down and sent the kid nudes because I wanted him to stop bothering me. I know it was stupid. I forget it even happened honestly because life was a blur and I wasn’t myself. Anyway. Yesrerday the kid showed my ex my nudes. My ex got mad I sent nudes to his friend and blocked me. He said he did have feelings for me but now we can never be tofether. I love my ex with all my heart and I know I ****ed up. I regeet it so much. I’m tired of living and ****ing everything up. My ex was the one person on this earth i genuinely love and my stupid mistake ruined everything.

[brazenfury]

Time is the only thing that can heal stuff like this. You think that of your ex now but at some point in the future this will all be in the past and there will probably be someone else. I think he did you a favor by blocking you because that's what you need to do, painfully break the cord and let your brain move on. But right now your brain in zoomed in on him, with a certain chemical mix that makes it impossible, our brains love to want what they can't have and they love to feel emotions so you keep relieving the movie in your head and feeling the pain. Women also dislike easy men that are not a challenge. So really your brain is stuck thinking about the past and will head to depression, you need to try to make it think of the future without thinking of the past which is pretty hard, good luck.

[Iceskater]

Can you say more about why it was so difficult to talk to your parents after what happened to you in 2016?

Originally Posted by socksbaby

I love my ex with all my heart and I know I ****ed up. I regeet it so much. I’m tired of living and ****ing everything up. My ex was the one person on this earth i genuinely love and my stupid mistake ruined everything.

I am sorry losing this ex is so heartbreaking. If he does not want to get back together, I don't think you can force it.

Have you been able to talk to a therapist about the rape and it's aftermath? It's not easy to talk about these things but I think it helps in the long run. I also think that when you are able to journal about the incident in a play by play way, it might prove to yourself that you are able to face what happened. It can take time to be able to talk or journal about it but I think this helps us process the event. I am so sorry this happened to you. Part of processing the event is learning not to blame yourself as much. Hugs.

[mote.of.soul]

Hello socksbaby. Sorry about losing your ex, it's a very difficult thing to be going through, yes. But regardless of how difficult it is, I think you're on a good path to future happiness as you're confronting the truth and owning your mistakes. It's the best approach and you'll get through this time in your life and come out the other side a changed person - in a good way. We live and we learn socksbaby and trust me, I'm still learning as well, I'm a slow learner.

[socksbaby]

Originally Posted by Iceskater

Can you say more about why it was so difficult to talk to your parents after what happened to you in 2016?

I don’t like people I’ve known for a long time knowing I was raped. I feel ashamed of it and I feel like it was partially my fault it happened, I was foolish.

[WhatsNextNow]

Not at all your fault you were raped. I so hope one day you internalize that fact. As for the ex; he was playing a bit of a game to tell you that he had feelings for you, but could now never be together because of the pictures. We all have done things we aren't especially happy about after the fact. No one should be making you feel worse, especially since he had zero right because you two were no longer together. Please attempt to breathe and know you are okay and you deserve to treat yourself better and be treated better.

[Iceskater]

Originally Posted by socksbaby

I don’t like people I’ve known for a long time knowing I was raped. I feel ashamed of it and I feel like it was partially my fault it happened, I was foolish.

Whatever you were doing it sounds like your boundaries were violated and it went way beyond you in any way inviting what happened to you. You have in some way suffered a loss. For sure a loss of your dignity. Any loss has to be grieved and there are definate stages to grief such as, shock, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness resentment, acceptance, resignation and so forth where all of those things are coming and going in no particular order till eventually the event no longer has a hold on you and you can begin to forget about it without being compromised. Opening up to somebody about all of this stuff is likely to be useful for you. Better out than in!