How are relationships with "emotionally mature" people?

Are you serious?
Are you really acting in a way which you do not want me to act - defensiveness?
How do you expect me to learn when you do not go by what you try to teach?

I do not expect you to learn at all because your attitude is not of one who wants to learn. Your attitude is of one who wants to negate and disprove. If your response to being educated on something, including English language, is to get defensive, then you're in no frame of mind to learn anyhow.

I am leaving this thread and not going to respond any longer. You choose not to see the difference and choose to be argumentative rather than learn. You think that you can excuse your behavior by trying to compare it to another's that is nowhere near the same thing. Until you can accept that your growth is about YOU and not about other people you won't grow.

All of what I have seen here is people defining the concept for you and you basically trying to negate any definition in what looks like hopes that you can prove that you are emotionally mature.

Good luck.

I think you misunderstanding again. Seesaw is explaining to you proper use of English words and phrases. Not only it’s her native language and she is educated, she is also a writer. You can’t possibly argue that you know English better that a native speaker. Accepting mistakes and be willing to learn is absolutely necessary for growth. Getting defensive or argumentative when someone explains proper usage of English words, isn’t helping your growth in any shape or form.

OK, back to the main topic now

It looks like everyone stayed on main topic all along: emotional maturity and learning how to be emotionally mature.

Good. Now let’s see what else we can discuss regarding the topic

What would you like to discuss?

Anger. I just started feeling it. Emotions tend to hold me in place. I am very angry. ALLOT

OK I thought about it. I will never use the word again, I also think I can find better words to describe whatever it is I want to say
I am not sure if I’ll write here at least for now, but if I do I ask for critics regarding the small things such as words, but I don’t want it to lead to a sway off-topic.

By the way, regarding the topic, I learned that emotional maturity can only be learned through communication and not on your own. You may correct me if I’m wrong

I have nothing else to say for now, except I’m open to hear of whatever it is you have to say.

Thanks

I am learning non violent communication, NVC, for short. From what I understand so far, communication can be at the jackal level, which is your feelings of reacting, venting, linked to the past, interperating. If you instead, first observe the situation, explore your feelings, recognize you want to form a connection, offer empathy, find your need or the other person's need, then ask for a specific action to fulfill your need. This is called communication of a giraffe. You are looking from a high perspective on the situation. I love the idea of breaking communication down to all its parts and finding common ground with being vulnerable with your needs. I don't believe anyone gets to sit up high on the mountain and say they have the answers because they are emotionally mature. I have a relationship with a gentle curious person, I think we are all on a journey and I like to bring my heart along always.

Do you by chance have reference material related to these NVC examples you've given. I would like to read more about the subject. Thanks in advance!

I had an interesting therapy session with my H & our psychologist before I finally left him.

My H refused to ever take responsibility for his behaviors & laid blame on everything & everyone other than himself. The conversation was about his unsuccessful career being because he went to a state university instead of Cal Tec. I point out in frknt of our psycholigist that my H's younger brother went to the same state university, got his masters there & ay the time was an deputy director of a local power plant. I pointed out that his failure had nothing todo with the school but his own attitude while attending because he had even admitted when we first met that he didn't bother doing the work in the classes where he KNEW he was smarter than the professor. All this came out in the session.

Our psycholigist pointed out that a sign of emotional maturity is about taking responsibility for one's own choices, behaviors, & thoughts. He also said that my H had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old given the conversation along with all the other issues including his financial irresponsibility. Instead of being responsible, if he wanted something, instant gratification was what he wanted instead of being responsible & waiting till the time & money was appropriate which was why he accumulated so much debt.

It is not easy to make a good separation between maturity & emotional maturity. It seems like immaturity in one usually includes immaturity in the other.

Hi Falo, The book I read is called 'Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B.Rosenberg. I got to practice sessions of communication at a NVC centre. You can look them up on the computer to see if any are near you. I never felt heard, or known by my alcoholic mom, so the subject of communication has always been interesting to me.

Good post, I agree..

Never mind. Found it. Should have googled before I asked.

Ha! I didn't look for your reply and then I said never mind. Thanks for the note. I've watched a workshop and I really like this stuff. Going to see if it can help me in my turbulent relationship.

Thanks again!!!!

Many factors go into a relationship...yes, emotional maturity, but to me, I need someone thoughtful, a good listener, kind, non-judgemental, emotionally responsive, someone that is generous with their time, since this affects how and when we spend time together.

I have had many friendships with people from my support group, some have flourished, others were stifled by mental illness, either my own or theirs, or both working negatively at each other.

Whenever I form a friendship outside of my support group, it makes me healthier...like I am capable of being friends with any member of the population at large...along with that, though, comes fear....how can a friendship work with someone without a diagnosis? Should I disclose my mental illness? Will I be judged? How can I possibly explain how difficult my life has been, to someone that has had a life without huge problems?

Big questions. There are no simple answers.

I will continue to throw myself into all friendships, though. From my support group, or from the big world, out there.....