[Albatross2008]

I read an article in Business Insider, "Nine Signs Your Co-Workers Think You're Dumb." This list is partially inspired by that article, and very much inspired by my own experience. I have come up against many of these, not just with co-workers but with people in general. As a mental health consumer, I might even find case workers who act this way toward me.

Can anybody think of anything to add to the list?

And possibly more important, does anyone know how to stop giving off that vibe, so people don't act this way?

Here is the list I've compiled:

1.) They don't seem to trust what you say. They argue with it, question it, doubt it, disregard it, and have to hear it from another source before they accept it.
2.) They roll their eyes and/or sigh when you speak to them.
3.) They laugh at things you say, although you weren't trying to be funny.
4.) They don't ask you for help, and won't accept it when you offer.
5.) Conversely, they're quick to jump in and overhelp you when you didn't ask for it. They may even grab something right out of your hands and do it for you. (I had opened a hymnal at church. The words were on the wall, but I didn't know the melody, and I can read music. I had barely started looking when a woman near me actually took it out of my hands and found the page for me before handing it back. I don't know my numbers, right?)
6.) They interrupt themselves to define words for you, even though you didn't ask what the word meant.
7.) They repeat the same bit of simple information several times, to make sure you "get it." Then a few minutes later, they write it down for you, "just in case." (Not only are they not trusting you to remember, but they're even suggesting that they don't think you can write it down for yourself.)
8.) They tell you obvious facts that most small children know already. (I've had people tell me as an adult that milk sours when it's not refrigerated, that helium balloons float away when not tied down, that a hot iron will burn me if I touch it, and that what's going on in a sitcom is acting, not reality.)
9.) They speak to you in a high-pitched voice with short words and sentences, call you terms of endearment like "honey" and "sweetie," and/or use baby-talk terms like "go potty" when they don't speak this way to others.
10.) They frequently compare you to people or fictional characters who are known to not be very bright. (Forrest Gump, for example.) If asked what they mean by that, they'll be dismissive and say they're "just joking."
11.) They lie to you and think you won't know the difference. They'll categorically deny doing anything on this list, even though they're clearly doing it.
12.) They don't invite you to join them, and make up excuses if you invite them.
13.) They assume you're probably new at something you've been doing for years, or that you probably can't do something before they've even seen you try. (I've had people assume without asking that I'm unable to drive, and they're stunned when they find out I can.)
14.) They're quick to give up on you. They point out your every mistake before you've had a chance to correct it yourself, and then they don't let you try again.
15.) They act surprised when you succeed, and/or groan and say "I knew it" when you don't.

[Skeezyks]

They don't ask you about something you know a lot about. But they ask someone else who you know for a fact doesn't know...

Originally Posted by Arbie

I read an article in Business Insider, "Nine Signs Your Co-Workers Think You're Dumb." This list is partially inspired by that article, and very much inspired by my own experience. I have come up against many of these, not just with co-workers but with people in general. As a mental health consumer, I might even find case workers who act this way toward me.

Can anybody think of anything to add to the list?

And possibly more important, does anyone know how to stop giving off that vibe, so people don't act this way?

Here is the list I've compiled:

1.) They don't seem to trust what you say. They argue with it, question it, doubt it, disregard it, and have to hear it from another source before they accept it.
2.) They roll their eyes and/or sigh when you speak to them.
3.) They laugh at things you say, although you weren't trying to be funny.
4.) They don't ask you for help, and won't accept it when you offer.
5.) Conversely, they're quick to jump in and overhelp you when you didn't ask for it. They may even grab something right out of your hands and do it for you. (I had opened a hymnal at church. The words were on the wall, but I didn't know the melody, and I can read music. I had barely started looking when a woman near me actually took it out of my hands and found the page for me before handing it back. I don't know my numbers, right?)
6.) They interrupt themselves to define words for you, even though you didn't ask what the word meant.
7.) They repeat the same bit of simple information several times, to make sure you "get it." Then a few minutes later, they write it down for you, "just in case." (Not only are they not trusting you to remember, but they're even suggesting that they don't think you can write it down for yourself.)
8.) They tell you obvious facts that most small children know already. (I've had people tell me as an adult that milk sours when it's not refrigerated, that helium balloons float away when not tied down, that a hot iron will burn me if I touch it, and that what's going on in a sitcom is acting, not reality.)
9.) They speak to you in a high-pitched voice with short words and sentences, call you terms of endearment like "honey" and "sweetie," and/or use baby-talk terms like "go potty" when they don't speak this way to others.
10.) They frequently compare you to people or fictional characters who are known to not be very bright. (Forrest Gump, for example.) If asked what they mean by that, they'll be dismissive and say they're "just joking."
11.) They lie to you and think you won't know the difference. They'll categorically deny doing anything on this list, even though they're clearly doing it.
12.) They don't invite you to join them, and make up excuses if you invite them.
13.) They assume you're probably new at something you've been doing for years, or that you probably can't do something before they've even seen you try. (I've had people assume without asking that I'm unable to drive, and they're stunned when they find out I can.)
14.) They're quick to give up on you. They point out your every mistake before you've had a chance to correct it yourself, and then they don't let you try again.
15.) They act surprised when you succeed, and/or groan and say "I knew it" when you don't.

I really wish someone would jump in and overhelp me at work. I get stuck with the stuff other people won’t do.

[healingme4me]

I think I read the other BI article to get a little insight on what the article was striving to achieve in its creation. It had 13 points, the 9 was listed under it. I remember you've brought this up before.

The 13 points article delved into how to shift either perception or empower to overcome such environments. I liked point 9. ""So even if you feel completely out of your league, it's important to at least fake some confidence. Otherwise, people will swoop in and take advantage.""

It is important to reclaim your sense of value to yourself to kind of put up a barrier between yourself and either these internalizations or individuals or both.

Do you have any supportive individuals in your life to bounce feedback off of? Maybe what rubs you wrong about a specific person also rubs someone else in your circle wrong too but they don't have opportunity to say so without your speaking up?

[Albatross2008]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I really wish someone would jump in and overhelp me at work. I get stuck with the stuff other people won’t do.

Anything can be taken to extremes. I suppose that's what makes the difference between helping and overhelping. If you need the help and ask for it, that's one thing, but just grabbing a book out of my hands and turning the pages for me is downright insulting. I'm not THAT helpless!

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I think I read the other BI article to get a little insight on what the article was striving to achieve in its creation. It had 13 points, the 9 was listed under it. I remember you've brought this up before.

The 13 points article delved into how to shift either perception or empower to overcome such environments. I liked point 9. ""So even if you feel completely out of your league, it's important to at least fake some confidence. Otherwise, people will swoop in and take advantage.""

It is important to reclaim your sense of value to yourself to kind of put up a barrier between yourself and either these internalizations or individuals or both.

Do you have any supportive individuals in your life to bounce feedback off of? Maybe what rubs you wrong about a specific person also rubs someone else in your circle wrong too but they don't have opportunity to say so without your speaking up?

I wondered if I'd mentioned it here before. It's an ongoing problem. And any time I bring it up, most people mininize it and try to convince me it's not that big a deal. I rarely have my feelings validated. Even if they do realize it's the other person who's being overbearing and condescending, what I'm likely to get is a casual shrug and a "Well, that's just how he is."

It tends to make me not want to go out around people if I can avoid it.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Arbie

Anything can be taken to extremes. I suppose that's what makes the difference between helping and overhelping. If you need the help and ask for it, that's one thing, but just grabbing a book out of my hands and turning the pages for me is downright insulting. I'm not THAT helpless!


I wondered if I'd mentioned it here before. It's an ongoing problem. And any time I bring it up, most people mininize it and try to convince me it's not that big a deal. I rarely have my feelings validated. Even if they do realize it's the other person who's being overbearing and condescending, what I'm likely to get is a casual shrug and a "Well, that's just how he is."

It tends to make me not want to go out around people if I can avoid it.

I didn't mean to come off invalidating I was trying to answer the question as opposed to leaving the question unanswered and only giving you validation.

[Albatross2008]

Your answer isn't what I was referring to. In fact, I was referring more to family (even the ones who love me) than anybody here. You weren't at all invalidating.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Arbie

Your answer isn't what I was referring to. In fact, I was referring more to family (even the ones who love me) than anybody here. You weren't at all invalidating.

Sometimes it is necessary to pull out the onery card(for a nicer term) with these types of individuals. Family included.

For instance with grabbing the hymn book, grab it back and say aww you're too kind but I've got this under control. Toss back the sweeties and dears.

[healingme4me]

I was thinking as I made my coffee, that for me it had been more of an age thing. It used to be that I felt like others had treated me like I was too young or like the younger one. The one that needed the guidance as opposed to being the wisdom giver or equal.

Another thing that I thought of was the past couple of landlords that I had had, especially the one before last where the daughter of the woman had called me up and told me that her mother thought of me as being a little slow or like a savant or the not so nice word that goes with that. To think my father and stepmom thought I was nuts to want to move out of such a place. The floors were warped a structural issue never mind this old crow squawking such nonsense all over town.
I used to be a mouth breather before having my tonsils out in adulthood(hmmm...I wonder why I'd reflexively breath with my mouth ??)
I believe that some people are just rotten to the core and as a believer I believe it's not I catching up to them at the pearly gates.

[TishaBuv]

You’re obviously intelligent. I can’t imagine why you are giving off a Forest Gump vibe.

I’ve had people disrespect and disregard my knowledge or abilities. I just take it as their attitude and not me. I know I’m intelligent, so if someone treats me like I’m not, I just know that’s their problem.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Arbie

I read an article in Business Insider, "Nine Signs Your Co-Workers Think You're Dumb." This list is partially inspired by that article, and very much inspired by my own experience. I have come up against many of these, not just with co-workers but with people in general. As a mental health consumer, I might even find case workers who act this way toward me.

Can anybody think of anything to add to the list?

And possibly more important, does anyone know how to stop giving off that vibe, so people don't act this way?

Here is the list I've compiled:

1.) They don't seem to trust what you say. They argue with it, question it, doubt it, disregard it, and have to hear it from another source before they accept it.
2.) They roll their eyes and/or sigh when you speak to them.
3.) They laugh at things you say, although you weren't trying to be funny.
4.) They don't ask you for help, and won't accept it when you offer.
5.) Conversely, they're quick to jump in and overhelp you when you didn't ask for it. They may even grab something right out of your hands and do it for you. (I had opened a hymnal at church. The words were on the wall, but I didn't know the melody, and I can read music. I had barely started looking when a woman near me actually took it out of my hands and found the page for me before handing it back. I don't know my numbers, right?)
6.) They interrupt themselves to define words for you, even though you didn't ask what the word meant.
7.) They repeat the same bit of simple information several times, to make sure you "get it." Then a few minutes later, they write it down for you, "just in case." (Not only are they not trusting you to remember, but they're even suggesting that they don't think you can write it down for yourself.)
8.) They tell you obvious facts that most small children know already. (I've had people tell me as an adult that milk sours when it's not refrigerated, that helium balloons float away when not tied down, that a hot iron will burn me if I touch it, and that what's going on in a sitcom is acting, not reality.)
9.) They speak to you in a high-pitched voice with short words and sentences, call you terms of endearment like "honey" and "sweetie," and/or use baby-talk terms like "go potty" when they don't speak this way to others.
10.) They frequently compare you to people or fictional characters who are known to not be very bright. (Forrest Gump, for example.) If asked what they mean by that, they'll be dismissive and say they're "just joking."
11.) They lie to you and think you won't know the difference. They'll categorically deny doing anything on this list, even though they're clearly doing it.
12.) They don't invite you to join them, and make up excuses if you invite them.
13.) They assume you're probably new at something you've been doing for years, or that you probably can't do something before they've even seen you try. (I've had people assume without asking that I'm unable to drive, and they're stunned when they find out I can.)
14.) They're quick to give up on you. They point out your every mistake before you've had a chance to correct it yourself, and then they don't let you try again.
15.) They act surprised when you succeed, and/or groan and say "I knew it" when you don't.

I get this a lot, and It seems to me that when people are very compasionate, giving, helpful, agreable, ect.. Other people take them as a push over, gullable, and not intelegent. So I guess people like me have to be more assertive, so we are not taken advantage of, and treated like we are stupid. P.S. I am a very bad speller, but I am intelegent.

[Albatross2008]

Then you all understand perfectly, since you've had those assumptions made of you.

Similar history with the tonsils. Plus I had large, severely protruding front teeth from the time my permanent teeth grew in until I got braces when I was a teenager. It was enough to make me have trouble chewing with my mouth closed. For some reason, buck teeth tend to not make a person look very bright. Think of the usual stereotype of an ignorant, uncouth redneck. If their teeth aren't broken off or missing altogether, they're at least sticking out.

On top of this, being sheltered, overcontrolled, and constantly moving from one place to another, I was seriously undersocialized. I also had funny-looking clothes and choppy home haircuts because my family was poor, and my parents weren't willing to spend money on my appearance. They didn't think it mattered that much. If it mattered to me, I'd be told that looks aren't important, and it's what's inside that counts.

I suppose people came to the conclusion that I just didn't have much upstairs, and treated me accordingly. Other kids used to make fun of me by sticking their front teeth out when they talked to me. I did very well on school assignments and tested with a high IQ, but I was told this was only "book learning" and doesn't matter. The social skills I wasn't good with were more important, so you see, I'm not smart where it really "counts." (On the other hand, let me not be real quick to pick up on some skill, and I don't get, "Try again. You can do it." Instead, I get, "See? Not so smart after all, are you? Everybody else can do that easily, but you're just dumb.")

I guess over the years, people just had preconceived notions about me. Before they even got to know me, they'd assume I was dim and treat me accordingly. Every one of the items in the OP have happened to me frequently, and some continue to happen. Which of course makes my social skills even more awkward, because who wants to go out around people who consider you stupid?

[Albatross2008]

Originally Posted by katydid777

I get this a lot, and It seems to me that when people are very compasionate, giving, helpful, agreable, ect.. Other people take them as a push over, gullable, and not intelegent. So I guess people like me have to be more assertive, so we are not taken advantage of, and treated like we are stupid. P.S. I am a very bad speller, but I am intelegent.

Just wanted to note that my father had an IQ of 186, but in his own words, "I couldn't spell cat if you gave me the C and the A." There are different types of intelligence. Just because someone isn't a good speller, doesn't mean they aren't smart. I know people who are weak in language skills but very sharp with numbers and can do math in their head before I've even had a chance to write the equation out.

[healingme4me]

I don't think it helps that you've negative tapes from childhood rewinding themselves and replaying as far as moving past them into knowing deep down at your core that it's just not true. I don't believe in intelligence being wholly superficial. The ability to grasp learning isn't something everyone is born with, so I'm a bit miffed at your upbringing in that regard. Did their resentment at life's lemons trickle down to how you were treated? If your social iq was lacking then that falls on how you were socialized to begin with. Have you looked into some of the recovery work throughs for CEN? One step at a time each day, right? It's so easy to want to crawl inside one's shell.
Maybe start with the next Forest Gump reference-shaking your head and saying that's just not right! And turn and walk away.

Originally Posted by Arbie

I read an article in Business Insider, "Nine Signs Your Co-Workers Think You're Dumb." This list is partially inspired by that article, and very much inspired by my own experience. I have come up against many of these, not just with co-workers but with people in general. As a mental health consumer, I might even find case workers who act this way toward me.

Can anybody think of anything to add to the list?

And possibly more important, does anyone know how to stop giving off that vibe, so people don't act this way?

Here is the list I've compiled:

1.) They don't seem to trust what you say. They argue with it, question it, doubt it, disregard it, and have to hear it from another source before they accept it.
2.) They roll their eyes and/or sigh when you speak to them.
3.) They laugh at things you say, although you weren't trying to be funny.
4.) They don't ask you for help, and won't accept it when you offer.
5.) Conversely, they're quick to jump in and overhelp you when you didn't ask for it. They may even grab something right out of your hands and do it for you. (I had opened a hymnal at church. The words were on the wall, but I didn't know the melody, and I can read music. I had barely started looking when a woman near me actually took it out of my hands and found the page for me before handing it back. I don't know my numbers, right?)
6.) They interrupt themselves to define words for you, even though you didn't ask what the word meant.
7.) They repeat the same bit of simple information several times, to make sure you "get it." Then a few minutes later, they write it down for you, "just in case." (Not only are they not trusting you to remember, but they're even suggesting that they don't think you can write it down for yourself.)
8.) They tell you obvious facts that most small children know already. (I've had people tell me as an adult that milk sours when it's not refrigerated, that helium balloons float away when not tied down, that a hot iron will burn me if I touch it, and that what's going on in a sitcom is acting, not reality.)
9.) They speak to you in a high-pitched voice with short words and sentences, call you terms of endearment like "honey" and "sweetie," and/or use baby-talk terms like "go potty" when they don't speak this way to others.
10.) They frequently compare you to people or fictional characters who are known to not be very bright. (Forrest Gump, for example.) If asked what they mean by that, they'll be dismissive and say they're "just joking."
11.) They lie to you and think you won't know the difference. They'll categorically deny doing anything on this list, even though they're clearly doing it.
12.) They don't invite you to join them, and make up excuses if you invite them.
13.) They assume you're probably new at something you've been doing for years, or that you probably can't do something before they've even seen you try. (I've had people assume without asking that I'm unable to drive, and they're stunned when they find out I can.)
14.) They're quick to give up on you. They point out your every mistake before you've had a chance to correct it yourself, and then they don't let you try again.
15.) They act surprised when you succeed, and/or groan and say "I knew it" when you don't.

((((((Arbie)))))) I actually felt empowered reading this post, because I've experienced some of this through my life. It also has the tone (and truth) that these people are the stupid ones for treating people this way. Yes.

[Albatross2008]

I'll look into the work throughs. I am working with a therapist, and her opinion is that it's surprising I have any self-esteem at all. For some reason, a lot of people were very emotionally invested in the idea that I don't really have any smarts where it "counts," and that there is something wrong with me. They played "identified patient" with me, is what my therapist says.

To give you a good idea of the dynamic, a former husband of mine was on the low end of normal intelligence. He could live on his own, but there were some life skills he just didn't have, and he needed to be watched over and checked up on. I wonder how much of those life skills he actually could have learned, if anyone had taken the time to teach him. In a lot of ways he was in the same boat I'm in, underestimated. They didn't think he could learn to XYZ, so they they didn't bother trying to teach him, and just did XYZ for him. Then when he got to be 40-some years old and still didn't know how to XYZ, that was their "proof" that he needs their help. It happens all the time in families where somebody has a mild disability.

Including mine, apparently. Because my mother was convinced that he was just the PERFECT husband for me. This man, who could barely function on his own, and acted like an overgrown eight-year-old. Perfect husband for me. Because she saw me as on the same level. Which is why I did too, or else I wouldn't have married him. He's a sweetheart, nothing bad about him, but he's not husband material. And I am NOT on the same level of functioning as he is, even though at the time I thought I was. Why did I think so? Because that's how I was treated.

[eskielover]

I was married to a guy (for way too long). He had a high IQ but not a tiny bit of common sense. He did things that over time caused me to treat him like many things listed because his behaviors over time caused me to treat him that way.

When someone continually believes that what they tell you is reality when checking out the validity prove them wrong it is obvious ther are NOT someone to be trusted.

I will only treat people like that if I observe them for quite awhile & realize that the treatment is justified. I mean really if over the years when you tell someone instructions & they look at you as if you are speaking in a foreign language & no one else has problems with instructions you give.....it is pretty obvious there is a problem.

I never jump to conclusions or make assumptions but over time with observation the way I deal with the person changes.

My X- H was totally oblivious to what he was doing but it became more than aggrevating to me & even when I pointed out the issues he seemed tp be totally incapable of changing.

Sometimes it is more than just vibes that are given off. If most people are like me it would have to be continuous behaviors not just vibes.

There are definitely different types of intelligence. Common sense... street smart... emotional intelligence... IQ... I am extremely tenacious, very efficient and I think this makes up for the absent mindedness on my part. I am a slow learner. But I work hard. Like the turtle versus the hare. I do see when my absent-mindedness or slower thought process aggravates people who think quickly on their feet and are more socially aware. I can tell when people like this are impatient with me or are underestimating me... But I will see little details and pick up on other things that those people don’t... And I get aggravated when really “smart” people come to what seems to me some really dumb and impractical conclusions... and make what I consider stupid choices... or mistreat others because they think they’re so much smarter. We all have something valuable and intelligent to contribute in one way or another. I like to think that anyway. ❤️

Originally Posted by Arbie

Anything can be taken to extremes. I suppose that's what makes the difference between helping and overhelping. If you need the help and ask for it, that's one thing, but just grabbing a book out of my hands and turning the pages for me is downright insulting. I'm not THAT helpless!





I wondered if I'd mentioned it here before. It's an ongoing problem. And any time I bring it up, most people mininize it and try to convince me it's not that big a deal. I rarely have my feelings validated. Even if they do realize it's the other person who's being overbearing and condescending, what I'm likely to get is a casual shrug and a "Well, that's just how he is."


It tends to make me not want to go out around people if I can avoid it.

Sounds like my situation is different. Because I’m such a “doer” people take advantage of me. They sit back and let me take over and some how I end up being accountable for other people’s stuff. It’s a big problem for me at my work. It’s really really hard for me to sit back and watch stuff not being done and I have to work hard to tell myself not to step in and do more than my share. That said, I would never take work out of somebody’s hands like that. It’s terribly rude and not my place. But being so exhausted lately, and tired of being taken advantage of... if someone literally grabbed my work out of my hands today I would give them my blessing.

[healingme4me]

((((Arbie)))) Identified Patient-- being the layperson that I am within the psych community--there's a term for my hunch? (Re:resentment of life's lemons)

Absolutely, of course you struggled in picking a better for you partner in your first marriage. Of course you're still seeing things through their distorted points of views. It's not easy to rebuild self value nor to put a "new tape"(or record) on for self affirming points of views. One step at a time.

[HelloWorld18]

I’ve always done things at work that made people under estimate my intelligence. Purposeful too. Although some mistakes, like my bad memory lol

I’ve found in my experience you get away with more.ive had jobs that I believe were saved because I seem slightly stupid. But my quirky personality has also helped too.

It’s my way of survival imo haha