My significant other and I are joining my family for an 11:00 dinner on Thanksgiving day. Having contact with my mom is a very anxiety-producing event for me. I try my best to mingle with those I enjoy being with (grandma, dad) and avoid Mom.

We have also received an invitation to my significant other's cousin's house for the holiday. My family lives about 80 miles from us, and the cousin's house is about half-way between us and my family.

My significant other's cousin has also been a source of anxiety of me for years. It began many years ago when his cousin decided it would be funny to hassle me about when I was going to have children. Some of you who know me well know that this is a sensitive issue with me. I have two feline children and will not be having a human ones. I have been sterilized by choice. This hassling me went on for quite a long time even though the cousin was told directly by others and me that this type of treatment was not appreciated. There have been several other instances as well where this cousin has deeply offended me.

I have managed to avoid the man quite well. One year ago, I unexpectedly ended up at the same family holiday gathering as he did. I was caught totally off guard and send into a panic.

My significant other wants to join his family as well as mine for Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure if I can go through something like this. I won't be caught off guard since I know the cousin will be there, but I already feel the anxiety of having to see him. We're trying to figure out how to spend the holiday, and I hope we are able to spend it together.

[bebop]

go to his family on the way back. maybe that way the idiot cousin will be gone already.

[sabby]

You can always put a time limit on your visits with both families. At least that way you know when you will be able to leave.....that will give you some realm of security to know when the time is coming that you can get out of your difficult situations.

bebops idea is great.....just a passing through kind of visit.....wishing you little difficulties and hoping the day goes better than expected!

Hugsss
sabby

[Perna]

Bebop, I loved your answer a whole lot but then read some more and it's at his house so I don't think the cousin will be gone :-)

Maybe this year you can do something different, with neither family; figure out a time during the Christmas season instead where you can visit them one at a time and visit his family not at his cousin's house and your Dad or Grandma when your mother's not there, etc.

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bebop said:
go to his family on the way back. maybe that way the idiot cousin will be gone already.

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It's at the idiot cousin's house. But I appreciate the suggestion.

Normally we do Thanksgiving on our own with neither family. However, this year I decided to join my family because my grandmothers are getting up in age (88 and 89) and one isn't in the best of health.

[Soidhonia]

Airway. I am sorry you are struggling with all of these issues at this time. Just try to see something positive in the fact that you can set limits and tell your family, and your others family that you are just staying for a few hours. That alone should help get you through the fact that you can set limits and stick with them and when the time is up then Leave. This Holiday does not have to be any harder than you make it if you plan appropriately and wisely and leave when intended. Take care Air. I will be talking to you in chat Monday if you are in the Am chat. Try to stay safe and calm if possible and make your plans accordingly so you are prepared for the trip. Soidhonia

[Doh2007]

Do like they did in that movie, "Love Story."

Come in. Sit down and say, "We must be going soon."