[BadWolfC]

This is probably going to be a bit long, so I'm sorry in advance for rambling.

For about a year and a half now, I've been trying to get over someone. His name is Dustin. It's a very complicated situation, but basically there wasn't much of a chance that I'd ever get to be with him, and I knew that from the beginning. I can't even say that I know him very well. When I first met him, I was married, but unhappily. Meeting Dustin was the trigger that caused me to realize how unhappy I was, and I got divorced soon after.

I'd sort of lost a lot of myself over the years before I met Dustin. I'd started pretending to be someone I wasn't because I've always had trouble fitting in. I always felt very alone until I met him. Dustin is a lot like me in personality, but he's successful, and I'm not. The fact that he even existed was somewhat of a shock to me. It made me realize that if I put in the effort, I could be successful too, and I suppose that's part of why I fell in love with him. He's what I wish I was.

I know that I'll never get to be with Dustin, and maybe I'll never even see him again. So I've been trying to move on... but it's very difficult and painful. Right now, I'm living with the first guy I've dated since I got divorced. We've only been together for a few months, but we're living together because of financial reasons. Neither of us can afford to live on our own, so it's just easier this way. It was great at first, but as time has gone on, I've become more and more depressed. I've been having nightmares for the last couple weeks, and I've started having a few dreams about Dustin.

At first, I tried to ignore all of it. I pretended everything was fine, because up until recently I thought things were good and that I was happy. But now I can hardly stand to be around my boyfriend. I get upset over things that shouldn't matter, and I just generally feel like a bit of a wreck. I know that I'm unhappy, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know if anything can be done. I know it isn't anything he's doing that's setting me off, I'm just starting to sink back into my depression over Dustin again. I've been going through cycles of this for a year now. I'll think I'm over him for a little while and I'll stop thinking about it, then it'll hit me all over again. I don't know why it happens like that... I wish I could just forget him. I wish I could just not care. No matter how much I try to forget, no matter how much time goes by, it's still in my head. Maybe it's because he made me remember who I really am, and I'm afraid to let go of that. Maybe its because I hadn't loved anyone like that before, and I don't know if I ever will again.

I just wish I knew what to do about any of this... I feel like I'm completely stuck, out of options. I could break up with my boyfriend, but I don't think that wouldn't solve anything. So if any of you can offer me any insight, I would really appreciate it. I'm so tired of feeling lost...

You're stuck. The easiest thing to do when you're stuck is to give in to it. Most people do that. So you have two choices, accept what you have and try to make it work, which it sounds like you're actually with the wrong person. Or, move on. There are other room mates you could have, if money what's keeping you there. I'd rather live with a stranger as a room mate than continue to live with someone who I don't love. Once you've freed yourself from what doesn't work, there's room for the universe to give you what you do want. As long as you stay, you will never get anything new.

[Imvegasvixen]

Hi. I wanted to say to you, because I've been exactly where you are, as far as emotionally attached to a man perhaps obsessive. When you're with someone else, it's not likely to work out. My advice is actively look for a better job first. Also if the current situation seems that dire. Does your current bf feel the same? Maybe just a real talk conversation needs to happen. You two could become great roommates or better at just being friends. Until financially you can pay for your own place. It sucks being unhappy. You can absolutely become happy. You focus on Your happiness. You owe it to yourself. Or there's always my grandma's favorite "Dear, you need to find a hobby"

[BadWolfC]

My boyfriend and I are both disabled, so we both have a very low set income amount, and neither of us has anyone else we could live with. And I also have issues living with most people, I've had friends and random people as room mates, and all of those circumstances ended with me hiding from everyone and becoming so stressed that I had to move out.

I've tried to talk to him about all of this, but any time I bring up being unhappy, he shuts down. I do care about him a lot... and I honestly believe that if things with him don't work out, I shouldn't try to be with anyone else again. I've been thinking about just trying to distance myself from him and stay room mates, but I don't think that would go well... he's really attached to me, and I'm afraid of hurting him.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand what you say, but you have to take care of yourself, too. If you don't think this relationship is going to work out, perhaps just give it a break (I think you can still be roommates). It's probably better to just focus on yourself for the moment, and do one thing at the time.

It sounds like you badly need some time for yourself. Maybe you can find a new room-mate? I wonder if Dustin represents something... it seems like it’s just the thought of what he represents means a lot to you... versus the actual person. Sometimes things feel worse before they get better. I hope you’re able to move past this... best of luck to you. ❤️

[eskielover]

It sounds likw you need to figure out who yiu are before ever getting involved wuth anyone again. I had a 33 year bad marriage & I have spent the last 11 years alone learning who I really am. Not who I am in relation to someone else. I finally feel like IF I were to finally meet the RIGHT person I could only now know enough about myself to be able to make a real relationship work & I also know now that I will not settle for LESS than the right person because I NOW know myself well enough to know what to look for in the RIGHT PERSON FOR ME. I have groqn to love my single life so much more than having to be tied to someone. The freedom is amazing & I will not even waste my time dating.

[BadWolfC]

I guess if Dustin represents anything, it's just that the impossible isn't always as impossible as I think it is... I didn't think I'd ever meet someone like him. And I think I wouldn't feel so messed up over it if I wasn't so sure that he had feelings for me too. I still have a lot of guilt over all of it because I know it was my fault that things didn't work out better between us. I expected things to go wrong from the beginning, when I probably shouldn't have. I just didn't think someone like him could ever care about someone like me.

Dustin is the only one I've ever met who truly seems like the right person. I feel like anyone else I meet is wrong. There are some that are less wrong, but they're still wrong... so I guess I'm not sure if I'm going to ever really be able to move on because of that, either.

[BadWolfC]

I think I'm just having a hard time accepting that there is no right answer to any of this... I treat life like a problem that needs to be solved. And not being able to do anything is... hard to grasp.

Are there no right answers? Or are there no right answers right now? What I've learned about in life is this: the more I try to grab something, the further it gets away from me. I think there's some energetic mechanism in our beings that pushes things away from us, the more we pursue those things. And the hardest thing to learn seems to be to just let go and trust that good things can come to you. It's difficult when those good things don't come instantly. I just quit a job on Friday, walked out at the end of the day and decided not to go back, I was only there for two weeks. I emailed the person who hired me, thanked them, but said I was the wrong person for the job. On Sunday night they asked me to come in for a short visit, as they had questions about why I left. I agreed to meet with them. As I was explaining my reasons for leaving in an email to them, I got another email offering me a job, for a resume I had sent out 2 months ago. Sometimes life is about letting go and believing you can have, and deserve, more. Sometimes it's about letting the universe bring things to you. When we push for something, we can actually end up pushing things away.