[goldiemom]

Hi--
Ive never been good socially. I think Im autistic spectrum. Im disabled with Prim. biliary Cirr that is heredutary. I nearly died as an infant due to pneumonia 5 times so my mom was afraid to bond with me. She had a 3 yo to care for. Well despite alot of pain anxiety felling horrible due to AI flares I grew up and got an MA and had succes as a systems architect and programmer. Pbc kills you slowly. Then i became disabled. I was told I also have Pulm Fibrosis, Sjogrens, Polyglandular Dysfunction with Hashimotos as complications of the PBC and gi stuff, and I got thru it all with meds. For being so sick i was doing well. Then out of the blue I got Myasthenia Gravis and it started to get really bad fast and i couldnt see. The medicine for that worked for a year. I went to the doctor for 2 years prior for bad gi pain that ended up being acute pancreatitis i have been in bed alot seldom go outside. Anyway i learned I cant be in pain in front of a doctor as a middle aged woman or they send you to a mental hospital. But if you dont show it i block alot they think you dont hurt and they blow you off. Anyway turns out my immunosuppressant has a black box for myasthenia gravis so i tried to go off for a few months and got really sick. I was finnally hospitalized for pancreatitis was very very ill and got gall bladder out. Neither of my sons called and i had to have someone i met on the internet take care of me and drive me home. My oldest called who was estranged from me in a divorce called and just started yelling at me blaming me for my other sons life and i have heard this from my son and ex inlaws for decades and its not true. I just snapped and told them they could not talk to me like that that if they could not respect me they could f### off. Then we hit at a red light with injuries and my thyroid went nuts. I felt like someone on death row. My autoimmune disease also acted up. I received a thymectomy for myasthenia gravis. I develop hypersensitivity to synthroid. My estranged son who is 34 still refuses to speak to me saying that being sick doesnt excuse the way I talked to him. His wife hates me and calls me a hypochondriac because despite obvious physical signs of disability and disease Im not as sick as Stephen Hawking was before dying. I dont know how to repair this and really wish i didnt miss him so much and they have my grandchild who was born on my birthday. I always believed my son would someday understand why i couldnt be there. I hired lawyers to fight even. But I feel deeply hurt by his wifes comments and my sons behavior and tat hes willing to just throw me away like my mom and dad did. Part of me wishes i could take back my words and another part wishes i could have said them to his face. Hes a malignant narcissist I know but hes my son.

[MickeyCheeky]

It is honestly difficult to give advice without hearing your children's perspective. Clearly there is a reason your son reacts the way he does. Generally adults do not just go off what someone else says, they form their own opinions. It sounds like he is trying to express his anger and hurt to you, be it not in the best way, and you are meeting him with a solid wall of saying you didnt do anything. If making amends is important to you, I would suggest getting a therapist to help you work through it.

As a side note, I didnt not have a good relationship with my parents. Had they got a lawyer involved to see my kids, I would have cut them off permanently. No parent is going to let someone they find to be toxic around their kids. I encourage you to really listen to your son, open your mind and consider both sides. Also an impartial therapist will help with this. Good luck.

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all these disabilities and have problems with your son. My mom has some mental illness, and there were times I didn't want to be around her. It did help when she apologized though and tried to make amends. Maybe you should try doing that with a son. If he won't listen, maybe write a letter and try to explain what's going on.

I also think seeing a therapist is a good idea.

[goldiemom]

Wow such hateful responses. I guess you think all disabled people are liars. Everything is not your parents fault. Grow up.
My son was estanged from me by his father. Because of my illness they often wouldnt let me see him. I was lucky to see him for one week a year. My son grew up blaming me for not being there and harbors extreme anger toward me. His father and his family are extremely wealthy. I could never afford to live where they live nor could i get work at the time. It wouldnt have mattered anyway. My son is a yeller like many young adults today. They like drama like on reality tv. When i told him his brother who is an adult living on his own who seldom speaks to me due to drugs my oldest son started screaming at me. Thats reality.

[goldiemom]

KisstheRain . Im not your mother so dont project her onto me. Im not toxic. My son is. I really hope there are more compassionate less bigoted people on here. Im really struggling

Originally Posted by goldiemom

Wow such hateful responses. I guess you think all disabled people are liars. Everything is not your parents fault. Grow up.
My son was estanged from me by his father. Because of my illness they often wouldnt let me see him. I was lucky to see him for one week a year. My son grew up blaming me for not being there and harbors extreme anger toward me. His father and his family are extremely wealthy. I could never afford to live where they live nor could i get work at the time. It wouldnt have mattered anyway. My son is a yeller like many young adults today. They like drama like on reality tv. When i told him his brother who is an adult living on his own who seldom speaks to me due to drugs my oldest son started screaming at me. Thats reality.

My response wasnt intended to be hateful. Your posts seem very self focused, bitter and angry. You seem to have no desire to take any responsibility. I guess it's up to you to decide how much effort your relationship is worth.

Blood doesnt make family. They arent obligated to keep you in their lives if its toxic to them. You may not like that reality, but it doesnt change it. The simple fact is that what you are doing isnt working. You can accept things or change them.

Finally no one said you are a liar. We work with the info presented. It certainly has nothing to do with your disability. I dont assume every opinion I dont like is because I have a mental illness. I hope you dont use your illnesses as a scape goat.

Originally Posted by goldiemom

KisstheRain . Im not your mother so dont project her onto me. Im not toxic. My son is. I really hope there are more compassionate less bigoted people on here. Im really struggling

Do you know what bigoted means? Because I dont think it means what you think it means.

I didnt project anything on you. My parents and I did not get on well. Then they died. I'm assessing you based on your hostile tone. If you talk to your kids like this, I'm not surprised they dont want to be around you. Just saying.

I'm sorry you've been so ill. I can't understand all those medical terms. May I ask were you in the hospital a lot and missed your child or children because of that? I also think you are forming an opinion of your son without givimg this forum enough information as to what really caused you to feel the way you do about your son. Keep posting and we are all just trying to help based on how we try to understand others based on words.

[luvyrself]

I don’t think it’s unfair to say that when we are overtaxed with anything, physical illness, mental illness, or just a bad situation, or even just life, we often don’t act like the perfect person others would like us to be. I often overreact and I’ll just never be a stoical person. I am the idea person and the outside the box problem solver w my husband. I have saved his life many times w his serious health problems. I got us all in equity building properties when rates were the lowest. My son is very capable and doesn’t like to be around me. He resents me constantly moving us in his childhood and some of that was a fiasco. He is very busy and does not initiate good communication. I have little patience. My moods are yanking me all over and my anxiety demands action. Some horrific clashes have ensued.I will try to stay calm and sensible, just avoid him, or have my mentor friend buffer us.
Whatever works. I think we should get whatever help we can and put ourselves first.

[goldiemom]

Disparrissant im terminally ill but it is a slow disease. Im on the downhill slope now with my body just breaking in so many ways. I face losing my house due to medical bills and other debt. I have just my 76 year old mother 1000 miles away to really talk to. Im alone dying slowly. My disease is a type of tautoimmune liver disease that attacks your whole body causing other autoimmune diseases. It has attacked my skin causing pigment loss and thick skin. It itches and hurts and feels like bad bad allergic reaction and panic/anxiety. Its hard to just get thru the day feeling so bad. Because my liver is bad i cannot take hardly any medicines including those to treat my condition or make me feel better or stop pain. I know my health is affecting my ability to handle alot of stress. But my son is just not compassionate enough to care or take that into consideration. I have been tough my whole life rejecting being treated like a sick person but now I need that. But what I said to him needed to come out just not the way it did. But i just couldnt hear any more negative things about me. One time this son was so bad to me after surgery we had to call social services and the worker told him that due to my health he could not treat me so bad and she would put charges on him if he didnt stop screaming and carrying on.he is volatile temper and blames others alot. In a way he has been weaponized against me and my other son. But he is my son and i love him at least as much as he lets me. I even apologized several times but he doesnt forgive people he expects perfect treatment. If he knew how sick i am cant he just talk about nice things? Just care about me or even talk about himself. Im in a bad way because i cant take my thyroid medicine and i need it bad. I cry every day. They told me to take it again even though it gave me chest pains and numb arm and ems was called. Im so afraid of all of this. I cant see to drive. I cant handle going anywhere i feel so bad. I wanna fix things with my son somehow. He is on a bad path. But he wont let me. Im not a psychologist. I dont know how to handle him though and as i said i have trouble with regular relationships so my head can only handle honest. Thx luvyrself you get it. Its so hard sometimes when your health is bad and you have an angry adult child who maybe is angry you are dying too. They are mad i cant be active like them and am poor. I cant do what they want me too. But i have to cut them off. I cant handle it. And they are already embarassed of me as im disfigured and not so smart anymore. They dont want to see me sick. They said so. My son said he would not be there for me its not his thing. Im fine with that but phone calls or something once in a while. Just pretending to care maybe. Isthat too much to ask?

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you find yourself to be in such a tragic situation. I don't have any advise to offer. I simply wanted to let you know I read your posts... & I wish you well...

[goldiemom]

Kissthe Rain yeah i know what bigoted means and I know what ableism is and you dont. You are extremely insensitive. and i hope people respond to your posts as you did mine, not believing you and calling you toxic so you can learn.You just cant resist a wounded antelope. Sad. Its hard for me to even type and see.

Wow I cant win here. So if i dont explain what is wrong with me and what Im going thru no one understands how sick i am and how its effecting me but im called self absorbed because Im explaining what is wrong so you can understand. I have myasthenia gravis do you realize how hard it is for me to type right now. This kind of treatment is abusive and ableism. Just dont post on this thread anymore if you cant be supportive. Im sorry if you dont care to hear Im sick. Some people have very hard lives. Do you feel guilty? Do you always call people who are disabled and estranged by divorce from their children toxic? Have you no compassion at all? Im sad my son is so hurt and im sad im hurt and too sick to handle things. Actually social services were called on my son for his abusive behavior to me when he came after surgery. They clearly saw his behavior and told him if he didnt quit he was gonna be charged with abuse of the disabled.