what to do about my grandma

my grandma is turning 86 in april. ever since my grandpa died about 6 years ago she has started to lose it mentally. she has fallen several times and broken her hip so she is now in a nursing home and in a wheel chair. well i went home for thanksgiving and wanted to go see her. when i got there she thought i was my cousin, sarah. which she ALWAYS calls me sarah but usually she figures out that im jessica, not sarah. this time it never occured to her. so she was asking me about my uncle but calling him my dad. any time i correct her she gets so embarassed and starts calling herself an idiot and feels very bad so i just let it go. one time she was talking about her friends from the 50's and then said "what year is it?" and i said "2005" and she got so embarassed.

she was diagnosed with alzheimers but that title has recently been taken away. i think its more just she has lost her will to live since my grandpa died. she has told me, and others, several times that she just wants to die. she's ready to and everyone else is to. no one likes seeing her suffer like she is.

anyways, she seemed so unbelievably excited that sarah was there to see her. i just couldnt tell her it wasnt sarah because she kept going on and on about how sarah hasnt been to see her in forever and how happy it made her. my brother yelled at me telling me that i have to correct her and i have to bring her back to reality. but heres my thinking, she doesnt have that much longer. if seeing sarah makes her that happy then thats what i want. if thinking its 1956 makes her happy, then i want her to think its 1956. making her feel bad isnt what i want and i dont think that telling her when she is wrong about that stuff will do anything. shes losing it no matter what so if shes happier in her own world, then i think she should be that way. do you think im hurting her by letting her think what she wants? i just like seeing her happy and when she realizes what shape shes in shes not happy.

She's senile and her "reality" has changed. My stepmother went through that. She can't "come back" her brain is old and damaged/worn out in areas. I would just go with it, not "correct" her; treat her sweetly and kindly. She is not being hurt by anything you say and forgets it if you correct her but you're right, making her feel bad doesn't help anything.

I still remember in the hospital after she'd fallen and broken her shoulder, my stepmother telling me to go into the bedroom and get her hairbrush off her dresser. . .

thanks for your response, perna. i felt like i was doing the right thing by making her happy but then everyone in my family was telling me that im only hurting her.

it makes me cry every time she says something i know is totally false. like she told me someone had stolen her car. my aunts and uncles sold it to pay for her assisted living because she couldnt drive. or when i was wheeling her down the hallway and she pointed to a random painting and said "thats a picture of our house in florida".

thanks for your support. im here for you also.

salukigirl,

I was a CENA in a long term care facility for many years. We were trained to do gentle reality reenforcement. However I agree with Perna, again, if this is not something that will harm her, why correct her?

I had a gentleman mistake me for a nun. I did not correct him (which was not allowed by the way), and I was the only person that could get him washed and dressed without getting the crap beat out of me. He was confused, did not understand he was in a nursing home, therefore why would a woman be permitted to see him nude. I reminded him of a nun he knew, he was comfortable with me washing him we were both happy.

When I took care of my grandmother, I froze her suppliments, and told her they were ice cream. She was happy that all she had to eat was ice cream, and I was happy that she got the nutrients she needed.

yeah, if its something simple that has no harmful effect i dont see the need to correct her. i see her 10 times more often than my cousin sarah so she was probably 10 times more happy to see sarah.

but if its something like when she thought it was some time in the 50's i corrected her on that. that just didnt make sense lol i was thinking "grandma....if im here....its obviously after 1987" lol.