Blocking Someone's Num to Increase Personal Space

Today after some consideration I decided to block someone’s number who I am starting to question my friendship with. This person, who I shall name Mark for privacy sake, was part of a fundamentalist religious organization that we were both previously involved with and reached out to me to see how was doing after some time. However, our conversation diverged into an uncomfortable discussion over a question he asked about my involvement with a church. When I told Mark that I was currently not involved with one because of the highly judgmental and critical nature of pretty much every such organization I was previously affiliated with, he still tried to preach the so-called “importance” of finding a church. I knew he did not have bad intentions. Yet like with many fundamentalist groups he came across as very legalistic and unreasonable with me being involved with spiritual obligations and was persistent with this advice despite my traumatic experiences with religious groups. Because I am finishing up grad school and have other obligations on the weekends like seeing family, reconnecting with long lost friends and my elderly grandparents, I don’t have much time to do extracurricular activities on the weekends, so I got every reason to feel angry and disrespected of my personal space. It's my life for crying out loud! I have not regularly hung out with this dude for over a year and have not personally seen him at all since bumping into him last summer because our different paths in life, as he is 3 years younger than me and still in undergrad at a different department of my uni. Furthermore, I am no longer involved in the organization where I met him. I don’t think I am ready to completely ditch him as a friend yet, but I require more space than others, especially around people who make me feel uncomfortable, so I can process my feelings before bursting out raw feelings like a shaken up Dr Pepper.

Was I right in blocking Mark’s number, whether it be temporary or permanently?

Nope. You are not wrong to block him. Life is too short. Oh those proverbial “good intentions”. As you know saying “road to he$$ is paved with good intentions”. Life meant to be enjoyed, not be full of suffering because some dude wants to lecture you and thinks he is “know it all”.

You are too busy! When I was in grad school and I did mine in the evenings after work, I even cancelled cable because I had no time for silly things and I only spent time with important people/family and my important hobby etc. The rest had to go. Certainly this dude got to go

Thank you so much for your encouraging reply, divine1966. I guess some people are somewhat deceptive with so-called "good intentions". You know I never really thought about the meaning of that phrase in the past but it has much more relatable meaning now that you brought it to the table.

I'm glad that you relate. My number one priority right now is re-discovering my passions, beliefs, and the ones who truly are my friends, but not doing this process for someone else. With the exception of several friends who truly feel strongly about me and who I still keep tabs with, holding onto my past (and often unhealthy) will do more harm than good. And Mark is no different.

Wow you really set a good study example which I can always use! That's awesome that you have attended grad school also. Kudos to grad life! Mind if I ask what you studied?

No you are not wrong. Worshiping God, whoever yours is is your business. Doing it in a church doesnt make it any better or worse. Church is the institution not the religion.

I think you need to protect your personal space, DazedandConfused254. I agree with all the others. It is your life and you have every right to make your own decision. Even though he can offer advice, he should not preach or dictate how you should live it. Perhaps blocking him was a bit drastic. Could you have just ignored his messages or calls? Was he too insistent? Usually I'd reserve blocking for people who bother me too much or I don't want to see ever again in my life. That's just my opinion, though. The final decision is up to you. I'd suggest to do this temporarely and see how he reacts. I don't think you have any obligation to stay friends with him, of course, if you don't want to. Just try to focus on your studies right now. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

I would say that you were 100% in the right for blocking him. Especially if he continued to cross your boundaries that you clearly stated prior.

I am going to say something now which may be controversial to some, however this is a reality that I have experienced over and over again and "not mentioning it" seems to do nothing but add more and more fuel to the fire.

The instances in which these things have happened to me seems to me an attempt at personal control in the name of some "great commission" that they believe God is directing them to pursue by any means necessary. From experience, this is an incredibly unfortunate reality with some people with this particular religious background. Just the other day, I was cornered by a guy in the thrift store who for 45 minutes berated me, dominated a one side conversation, and even attempted to grab me before a staff member intervened. This all started with "Her brother, do you know God loves you?"

In this man's eyes, he did everything he was called to do. For him, this was entirely appropriate, for me i was in a frozen panic and very scared. In your example, the person on the other end of the line believes he is doing everything right by God and will never waiver on violating your personal space.

You have every right to block Mark. Could you possibly send him a text before you do so explaining your reason why? I just know that if I were in his situation, I'd like some sort of explanation instead of someone just disappearing on me. But it is ultimately your decision.

I do understand Mark's point of view in that he believes he is literally trying to save your life. If I believed that a friend of mine was going to burn in Hell forever, I would do everything possible to try to save that person. However, I don't believe that this is really the case, so I don't feel obligated to impose my beliefs on other people. Mark is trying to help you, but his is misguided. You have every right to explore your personal beliefs.

sarahsweets: That response is a winner. Thank you so much! We all have our own ways of seeing the world, including our own ways of connecting with a higher power. Unless we are actually doing ministry, most of our lives are outside the confines of a religious construct. As the oft quoted saying goes, "Are we worshipping God, or an institution?"

MickeyCheeky: Thank you so much and appreciate your kind words as always! I do understand where you are coming from, like @downandlonely stated, I want an explanation for what lines I've crossed or what went wrong before falling off another person's radar. If a painful subject like this comes up again in the future, I will definitely be more proactive at dropping it from the table, or if I see him again I will tell him. I may consider following through with the block, since I need to leave behind toxic friendships and get on with life, but of course blocks and approaches to these situations aren't in a box. Mark has mentioned the subject a couple of times before when he has inquired about it, but this convo was the most insistent he has been. But I'm glad that you agree that he was being overwhelming, he's not my father, and even then I'm almost 24 and am capable of making my own choices

BonsaiGuy:Thank you so much for your input, again this is a winner! It's good to have someone like you to validate my feelings. I agree that silence is the permission slip allowing people to step on you and smear you around for the world to see. Thank you for sharing that story of yours; I'm SO sorry that you had to endure that pain. Just grimaced reading it, because though I have been hurt by religion, it was never to the point where someone practically assaulted me. It is just a sobering reminder of how many people are willing to invade boundaries and degrade others in the name of religion or love, also a reason that though I still have kept my faith through my whirlwind with religion, it has been liberating to separate myself from the overbearing control and guilt involved with religious institutions. It sure doesn't sound very "Christian" to me.

downandlonely: Thank you so much for replying. Always nice to hear from you. Again I'm so glad that you support my decision and feelings. That's a good option, and I understand where he might come from if I follow through with this move. I would do the same thing if I was worried about a friend and they would be willing to listen. But just like in the past when people have tried to drag me into the same organizations that hurt me in the first place, this is just another attempt at imposing emotional control and dogma.

By explaining to him why you don't want to go to church, were you opening up a dialogue with him, or were you giving him the ultimatum (like this is the last time you are going to explain it)?

If you don't want to discuss anything of the spiritual nature with him, you can tell him so. But you also need to stick to not talking about it with him; that is, no matter how much you want to vent about the people in the church. You can vent to someone else, or to us on PC

I don't think there is anything wrong with you blocking someone who is aggressive, disrespectful of your boundaries, and dismissive of the pain you experienced. Mark's attitude should have been more like, "Okay, I respect your decision, but my door is open if you ever want to talk about it again." I feel that his "care" may have turned into "control" at some point. Whether church people or not, I hope you meet kinder people in the future.

Honestly, I don’t think you any person an explanation for things like why you don’t go to church or even why you need space from them. It sounds like you would like to keep the friendship but at more of a distance. I think whether you block his number or not, he will eventually get that you need your space. Most people do. I am having an issue with boundary setting and I have to balance myself so I don’t go from either allowing someone to be way too much in my space... to blasting them so they go away... it sounds like you’re doing a good job balancing that you want your space and you’re doing it in a kind way. This is what I want to learn to do better. Best of luck and I think it will work out.

I did this recently to someone. She was already on a second chance from me and texted me with some hurtful things that belittled my problems and indicated that only she had real problems. I am dealing with a lot right now and told her I couldn't do this right now She responded with a few faux apologies - she had a fever, maybe the timing or the wording wasn't right. She never apologized for the actual message.


I didn't respond and after a message where she said I was hurting her feelings (after she showed no concern for mine) I blocked her number and also blocked her on social media.


It's been a few weeks and I feel like a weight is off me. I see now she is a negative person and always seems to be on the outs with someone. I guess it was my turn. And, of course, the way she portrays it, she is always the victim.

It's unfortunate, but I think sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Thank you so much for your reply. It is humbling to know someone who relates to my situation. Theres nothing more annoying like finding people like her who are nothing but draining and set up emotional double standards, but kudos for your move against that so-called friend of yours and for keeping bad relationships out!

Good point, I guess I already explained myself to this guy by saying that I had bad experiences with organized religious groups, but hopefully he got the hint already because I told him that I kind of get grumpy discussing the topic Like you said, he should have offered a kinder suggestion than brushing me off and preaching the so-called importance of getting "plugged in".

I agree with the topic of boundaries, when it comes to things of a spiritual nature, I will look elsewhere. Thankfully I already trust you guys here on PC and grateful I found an online community here. Thank you!

For sure. If I even have to begin to explain myself in the first place, they're just being nosy and prying. That's the story of a lot of my previous friendships I made in college. Many of them were made before discovering the beauty and relief behind personal boundaries so it's time to redefine my friendship with some people I've met. I've been able to relate your struggles in setting personal boundaries on every level, and you have been able to understand me through-and-through. Thanks as always for replying!