Why Was I Trash To Them?

Ok. Thanks for saying this. I won’t do it then.

Yeah I’d not ask her for a conference calls.

I had to chuckle about chicken soup. From the store as a can soup?

No, from an amazing restaurant. For my son. He loves it. With matzo balls.

First off, nothing you've posted now and in the times before appear to me to be shallow at all. just so you know...


Right then and there, I would have honestly ended the conversation with "well that's about it, really nothing going on but thanks for checking on me!"


I think I've mentioned previously that your situation is similar to mine in some ways. I can't help but think that even though it's hard to do, its probably best that you just walk away.. in time you'll be less connected and worried about gaining their affection, loyalty or anything and you'll find better people than those you call family now (only by blood)

The most tragic part is we are all good people. I had a good relationship with all of them; even mom. There is no reason for all this abuse!

That’s nice!

Sometimes things do stink from the head down Tisha. Your mother likes to make up her own facts and this has affected all of her children. You keep engaging with your mother trying to get her to change and that is NEVER going to happen. One of your sisters knows this and has reduced her contact with your mother.

I have been dealing with an older sister that also likes to make up her own facts. I have been having a very hard time because of how my sister does this while having been given so much control over my parents. My father just passed away and that was a very unhealthy experience for me as my sister needed to invade my space when I went to see him to say my goodbyes. I am now in the middle of experiencing my mother dying and am experiencing that same challenge from my sister and I have not even gotten over all the dysfunction surrounding my father's passing yet.

I am seriously at the point where I don't want to be around my older sister, even if that means I could only manage to visit my mother once to say my goodbyes and once again had to experience my sister looking for a way to invade my time with her too.

I know I am a nice person and never did the things my sister has accused me of doing. I don't want to expose myself to her and her lies anymore. My sister doesn't want to know anything but her OWN STORY that is twisted and untrue. With people like this it's a waste of time to try to change them. It's sad that it turns out that way, I know how you feel, but some people for whatever reason need to live in their own little made up worlds.

I'm so sorry you are hurting Insecure people feel the need to put others down to feel good about themselves. How long have they been like this? We all have limits and we can only take crap from someone for so long before we say enough is enough.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. A bell goes off in my mind when you mention her keeping you from them as they pass away because my gut instinct is that it her motivation is probably over their money. Otherwise, her motivation is over simple control or misguided protectiveness... nah, most likely it’s over money.

How long is a good question.

As a whole family collectively, I would say we were a good family. I never experienced this kind of trauma until this incident.

My relationship with my mom, I’d have said was a very good one. While she did ‘disown’ me at 18, I honestly wasn’t that upset about it. She started to give me real struggle once I married, ruining holidays, more ‘disowning’ silent treatment that would last to eternity. It was always me to have to call her to make peace.

She’s sick herself and got a lot worse to what I feel is diagnosable at this point.

I never had a bad relationship with my sisters.

One sister, moved as far as she can get. I’ve maybe seen her a dozen times in 30 years. We did get close recently by phone, and I went there to visit. It was such a good visit, we were talking about my moving there!

My other sister lives close enough that she visited Mom all the time, and I’d see her then. I would go visit her often with my husband and kids. We always had a great time!

My step dad is just a simple, nice man. There’s nothing more to him.

You have no obligations towards these people.

I’m ready to accept what this is. I’m ready to move on from the family emotionally. I did all I could, and said my piece. That’s all I can do. Whatever happens or doesn’t, whatever is more said or not, it won’t come from me and I just won’t respond to argue. This all was a shocking and traumatic tragedy. Hard to mentally accept it happened.

Ugh. I told the doctor about the family fall out taking such an emotional toll on me because it all ties to why I am having physical issues. She said, “Where is your family to hold you up during this?” I said, “It’s just me, alone.” Well, I do have you guys, and a friend or two. I’m ashamed it’s all out in the open in my medical records now. It’s the truth, though, and I can’t hide it anymore.

Just a rant— Mom told me that my sisters and I were all wrong, they are very angry at me, and I should write them a letter of apology. I let her have it. That was the other day when I “said my piece”. “I will NOT be apologizing to my sisters!” She triggers rage in me.

Firstly, I can’t believe anything Mom says because she has no more credibility. I’ve caught her in many alternate truths.

Meh, no sense in rehashing.

She’s got me thinking about writing some passive aggressive letter. Not gonna do it.

Mom triggers me too much to speak to her. I’m stuck. To go no contact is unbearable and to stay connected is triggering.

Whenever she asks about your relationship with your sisters, can you just say, "Please stop interfering" then walk away if she doesn't drop it?

I can relate to being triggered by a family member.

Though it feels impolite to say, "It's none of your business" perhaps that is what is appropriate given the history of the quarrel.

This means something. Well, yeah, obviously. But its like you are not your own person, but you cannot stand the family's definition of you either.

The problem comes when they cannot accept your definition of yourself. My brother once told me he could not approve of what i was doing. I think the main thing was that i was divorced and not submitting myself to a man. This he said after he interfered in my best relationships. So they sabotage your future, then they punish you for it.

You have your freedom. Women of a certain age often do, at least in this culture. Its a gift and a curse.

Your situation was similar to mine. The "family" said horrible things and accused me of things I've never done. They turned on my husband and kids telling them they were no good and calling my husband awful names.
I'm so sorry this is going on with you . Don't bother asking for an apology ; it would mean nothing.

Your mother is taking up way too much headspace in my opinion. The fact that you have to think and analyze her behaviors and guess at what her motives are lead me to believe that last contact is better with her.

I was trash to them because they don’t value me. No matter all the good I did. I am of very little value to most everyone. It’s absolutely true, tbh. I really have no value. That’s why they treat me like trash. I am disposable to them. I am even lower than disposable. They don’t care enough to dispose of me. I am merely invalid.

But that’s ok. I sure do matter to ME. I will take my marbles and go find some other kid who wants to play...

Also, I was trash because I allowed myself to be treated as such.

I suppose you know that this is too much negative self talk? It sounds a little like depression. We become what we think we are. I find you are insightful and humorous. Once you get your divorce behind you, I think you will find somebody or something that brings you more joy. I really do.

I know and you’re right.

It’s just that I’ve really gotten it from all sides.

Of course, I understand, I am the common denominator— but, it wasn’t JUST ME. I have documented examples of major dis’s. I’ve never been one to explode over little things, or have unrealistically high expectations. I feel I have valid, realistic expectations of the people who profess to love me and then don’t act lovingly!