[Angelwngs25]

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half months and I didn't find out he has Asperger's until we started dating and I've gone since December 27th, 2014 not knowing that. So when I was flirting with him before we started dating I had no idea. It's been hard dealing with him sometimes. He gets confused what I mean or what I'm talking about during conversations. He keeps repeating things within the same sentence like he'll say "hugs and kisses" like twice in the same sentence and not very far between, he doesn't get when I'm just messing with him or joking or if I mean something I say and gets mad. For example, I'll say something I don't mean to piss him off and he doesn't understand that I was just making conversation or just messing with him. We have misunderstandings a lot that cause arguments or sometimes fights over something really stupid when we look back at it. We've never met in person as he lives in Texas as we haven't had a chance. But I'm moving in with him whenever he finds a job in the type of career he wants as he has a Master's and a 4.0. He wants to give living together a chance even though we've never met cuz he really believes it will work out. He says he doesn't know his full feelings for me yet as all he knows right now is that he likes me a lot more than a friend and he thinks we have great chemistry and he said he thinks he wants to be with me forever. There's one thing I've noticed he does that I think is stimming. He's always playing with his hair and running his fingers through it. He said his doctor said that too and I didn't even know that prior to telling him myself that he's stimming. I don't really mind his Asperger's a whole lot but sometimes the things he says make me cry cuz he words it wrong or he says something and I misunderstand him.

I actually feel really bad as when I was really angry and I'll tell him I hate him (even though I don't mean it). And about a week ago he screwed up big time cuz when I asked him when he was gonna tell his parents about me and he said specifically at the end of that week and the beginning of the next week. Come to find out, he was feeling pressured to say something or I'd get annoyed and thought it was a good idea to lie about that. However, he did apologize profusely for doing and saying that cuz he knew it was messed up and wrong and he didn't mean to lie. He said he wished he hadn't said that because it wasn't true and he regretted it and felt bad cuz he knew he shouldn't have done that. Honestly, as much as it hurt that he did that I think he just got overwhelmed because of his Aspergers. Do people with Asperger's get overwhelmed or under pressure a lot? Someone please give me some more info on how to deal with him cuz his Asperger's kinda bothers me and makes it hard to deal with him.

On another note, he sent me a video message yesterday saying he was going to be missing me and thinking about me non-stop. And when we talked again I asked him if he really meant that and did he really do that and he said yes. He has also told me he thinks he wants to be with me forever. I told him yesterday when I told him I wasn't in a good mood and it's because I had a nightmare he asked what it was about and I told him I dreamt that he left me and I woke up confused and not knowing where I was and then I had a hard time getting to sleep. He told me "It's just a dream baby and I don't intend to ever leave you" and he wanted to stay with me as long as possible because he really wants to be with me and he thinks it will work out between us and he doesn't like quitting. Also, he tried comforting me also by saying and I quote "It'll be ok". He's such a sweetheart most of the time and most of our arguments and fights are because of simple misunderstandings and I really don't think it's right to leave him because of his Asperger's cuz we've talked about stuff he does because of his Asperger's that is hard to deal with and he's said he's going to try and control his Asperger's more and be more clear about certain things that I got confused about, and I didn't tell him to, he just wants to control it better. If there's anyone here that has Asperger's or has someone who's family or a significant other it would be great if I could get some understanding from people affected by it and some advice/tips to understand and figure out how to deal with his Asperger's better.

Sorry if this comes off as insulting to people who have Asperger's or know someone who does, because I didn't mean to be insulting or mean at all.

I support people with Asperger's or family with it. I wish more people were like that!

[SorryShaped]

I raised two aspies and have a bil that is too, and the rule is, if you've met one person with Asperger's, you've only met one person with Asperger's. They're all so different. I'm told I'm on the spectrum, too, but we haven't done any testing and it's really not to benefit me if we do. It's taken until his twenties before one realized what joking around was, the other still hasn't. The bil is so very different but also such a great guy. You have to figure out if you want to be in a very non-traditional sort of relationship. Then, you have to do things the way that works for both of you. If you know you're happy doing things that way, great. If not, you're asking for trouble. Asperger's people have a very set way and rarely change, but if they invite you into their lives, you're theirs. Kinda like cats

[MickeyCheeky]

I think ALL of this is REALLY sweet! The only thing that I'm a bit perplexed about is the fact that you want to move with him without having ever met with him in person first. Are you sure about that? It seems like you've been videochatting a lot but I still feel like meeting face to face first would be beneficial for BOTH of you. Either way, dealing with a person on the Asperger spectrum is certainly not easy but it's not impossible either! It depends on how much effort are you BOTH willing to put into it. It seems like you're trying so GOOD for you! I'd suggest to read up a bit on Asperger so that you'll be aware of the most common symptoms. That way you'll partly know what to expect at least. Remember that every person is different like SorryShapes has already wisely and wonderfully said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD so don't take those words as a guide! Just use them as some general indications. You can also ask your Doctor for some advice if you feel like that's appropriate. He probably knows him better than any book! I hope your relationship will work out. I'm rooting for BOTH of you! KEEP FIGHTING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Angelwngs25, your Boyfriend and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!

[Skeezyks]

Here are links to 7 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of NT / Aspie relationships:

Aspergers and Non-Aspie Relationships | Divergent Thinkers: Asperger's, NLD & More

Romance, Love and Asperger Syndrome

5 Tips for Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome

Autism, Friendship, and Metacognition

Autism and Friendships Part 2: 30 Ways to be a Friend to a Person on the Spectrum

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/aspie...olor-spectrum/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/aspie...ip-is-failing/

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I think ALL of this is REALLY sweet! The only thing that I'm a bit perplexed about is the fact that you want to move with him without having ever met with him in person first. Are you sure about that? It seems like you've been videochatting a lot but I still feel like meeting face to face first would be beneficial for BOTH of you. Either way, dealing with a person on the Asperger spectrum is certainly not easy but it's not impossible either! It depends on how much effort are you BOTH willing to put into it. It seems like you're trying so GOOD for you! I'd suggest to read up a bit on Asperger so that you'll be aware of the most common symptoms. That way you'll partly know what to expect at least. Remember that every person is different like SorryShapes has already wisely and wonderfully said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD so don't take those words as a guide! Just use them as some general indications. You can also ask your Doctor for some advice if you feel like that's appropriate. He probably knows him better than any book! I hope your relationship will work out. I'm rooting for BOTH of you! KEEP FIGHTING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Angelwngs25, your Boyfriend and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!

I don't need to meet to know I love him and I want to be with him forever sweety! We have that chemistry that I know me and him are meant to be and as weird as it might sound I think we are soul mates that just happen to live in two totally different states. In fact, I don't know if I mentioned this but he's told me multiple times before that he wants to be with me forever and he thinks he wants to marry me but he'll know for sure when we meet for the first time as he doesn't know for sure if he loves me and he's told me he'd have to meet me in person to know for sure. But he thinks he probably will love me like I love him. But, that will be changing soon as I'm planning on moving to Texas to live in a homeless shelter (cuz I'm already homeless and I don't have family in Texas) in October to be closer to him. And he's ok with the idea, but mind you this is only happening if he doesn't get a job offer in the career he wants and a stable place to stay. But if he doesn't get a job offer by October (after he goes to interviews) I am for sure moving to Texas to be closer to each other, because I can't deal with this distance stuff it's too depressing and hurtful. Especially living in a homeless shelter with about 1,000 people there's a lot of couples there and I can't see my boyfriend at the moment cuz it's making me extremely jealous and depressed.

That's why I'm moving to Texas to be closer to him cuz I can't handle the distance anymore. But, that's only if he doesn't get a job offer in the career he wants. He actually will be looking to get an apartment that does month to month that way we can leave if we have to without breaking the lease and possibly ruining his credit score. Anyways, so that's what we plan on doing. He told me the other day that he was going to miss me and think about me "non-stop" as he said when we couldn't talk cuz he was really busy that day.

[ArtleyWilkins]

You might should probably get to know each other actually face-to-face for awhile, living individually, before jumping into living together. There is a difference.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

You might should probably get to know each other actually face-to-face for awhile, living individually, before jumping into living together. There is a difference.

Yeah. Online is very different to in-person. I loved someone that kinda drove me nuts when I was with her. We texted, called, and everything, but I was over the idea a few days later. I really miss how things were online, though

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

You might should probably get to know each other actually face-to-face for awhile, living individually, before jumping into living together. There is a difference.

The only way I can get to know him face-to-face is if I move to Texas and live in a homeless shelter cuz I don't have the money to live anywhere else. So technically, we will be meeting face-to-face. But, on another note, we are looking at getting an apartment for a month-to-month lease in case he has to move to another state for a job. You can say it all you want that you have to meet someone face-to-face to know if you love them or if you should be living together till you're blue in the face, but that's not necessarily true. I wasn't asking for advice as to whether or not I should move in with him or if I love him or if I should meet him face-to-face first to do anything. You're advice on that is not needed. I simply asked if it's hard to date someone with Asperger's syndrome? That is pretty much a totally different subject and you have no business commenting on it. It is nice to meet you hun but your advice on that specific aspect isn't wanted. Sorry! And me, and him have decided I'll be moving there in October to live in a homeless shelter and we'll see what happens as to if we get an apartment together right away or not.

[SorryShaped]

I still love the woman I talked about above. I cry about her every day. But, she was too much, in person, or I was not enough. I miss her but know better than to message her. It hurts so badly sometimes still, fifteen months later. I refuse to try for another relationship since, even when I had an opportunity with someone that I've liked for a long time. I got over my marriage easier. I can't love again.

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I still love the woman I talked about above. I cry about her every day. But, she was too much, in person, or I was not enough. I miss her but know better than to message her. It hurts so badly sometimes still, fifteen months later. I refuse to try for another relationship since, even when I had an opportunity with someone that I've liked for a long time. I got over my marriage easier. I can't love again.

I'm sorry sweety! I hope you feel better and things work out better for you. Maybe one day you will be able to meet someone you do want to be with. Do you mind if I pray for you? Is that ok to ask on here?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Angelwngs25

I'm sorry sweety! I hope you feel better and things work out better for you. Maybe one day you will be able to meet someone you do want to be with. Do you mind if I pray for you? Is that ok to ask on here?

You can do whatever you like, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

You can do whatever you like, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

Ok, I'll be praying for you! Have a nice day!

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I still love the woman I talked about above. I cry about her every day. But, she was too much, in person, or I was not enough. I miss her but know better than to message her. It hurts so badly sometimes still, fifteen months later. I refuse to try for another relationship since, even when I had an opportunity with someone that I've liked for a long time. I got over my marriage easier. I can't love again.

The point I attempted to make is that the online relationship was amazing, but in person very difficult. I'm a cautionary tale, if anything

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

The point I attempted to make is that the online relationship was amazing, but in person very difficult. I'm a cautionary tale, if anything

Oh ok, well I am fairly sure I'll be fine. We have chemistry (even online) at least that's what my boyfriend says. He told me if he finds he loves me he wants to be with me forever and if that's the case he wants to marry me. My case manager at the homeless shelter I'm staying in is helping me get info on shelters I can go to, help me figure out how to get my insurance to be set up in Texas so I can still get mental health services in Texas instead of here where I live in Arizona. She is being really supportive which is shocking since I've never met my boyfriend as I believe I've said on here in at least one reply on here. She even told me not to worry about the flight as it's not scary and I'll be fine because planes are safer then cars everyone says and I've never been on a plane. She also said, that it doesn't work out when October comes she said she can work on getting an extension to stay at the shelter longer so I can get housing if that scenario happens.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Angelwngs25

Oh ok, well I am fairly sure I'll be fine. We have chemistry (even online) at least that's what my boyfriend says. He told me if he finds he loves me he wants to be with me forever and if that's the case he wants to marry me. My case manager at the homeless shelter I'm staying in is helping me get info on shelters I can go to, help me figure out how to get my insurance to be set up in Texas so I can still get mental health services in Texas instead of here where I live in Arizona. She is being really supportive which is shocking since I've never met my boyfriend as I believe I've said on here in at least one reply on here. She even told me not to worry about the flight as it's not scary and I'll be fine because planes are safer then cars everyone says and I've never been on a plane. She also said, that it doesn't work out when October comes she said she can work on getting an extension to stay at the shelter longer so I can get housing if that scenario happens.

Sounds like planning is being done. That's good. I was ready for her to stay, until she was here a few days.

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Sounds like planning is being done. That's good. I was ready for her to stay, until she was here a few days.

Oh wow, that bad huh? My boyfriend is a bit scared about some of the stuff I've done in life cuz he's afraid I'll hurt him. But just fyi, I would never hurt anyone. Not anymore at least. All the times when I felt like hurting people was before I was on meds in 2011. I've since been on a **** ton of meds trying to find the right combination of meds, and so far I think the meds I'm on now are working and I'm more stable lately cuz I finally got a higher dose of Haloperidol after not having my Haloperidol shot of 100 MG. I'm on an extra 5 MG for a total of 15 MG.

[SorryShaped]

Moving in should be stressing. Be careful

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Moving in should be stressing. Be careful

I will, thanks for caring!

[~Christina]

It can be hard, many Aspies can’t pick up social cues easily. So it takes a lot of “ direct dialogue” which sounds simple but it’s not, not everyone really wants to have to spell out everything to there mate. Subtle hints aren’t good and he likely won’t notice them

Couples counseling can help set up a baseline way of communicating.

I hope when you meet in person it all works out for both of you.