[Gymgirl71]

I’m not making assumptions before we are able to talk..but just my gut. He is not really romantic, doesn’t hold my hand in public and doesn’t compliment me unless he’s drinking. He always puts his friends first and I get a couple days out of the week and sometimes only once. But he will hang out with friends every free chance he gets. Weather is nice and he never initiates an outing but will hang out with his friend or friends. He was in my neighborhood but didn’t bother to ask to hang. Then he tells me he feels a disconnect between us and where we come from..I don’t know what can be done. He doesn’t seem willing to make any effort

From your other thread in this forum, I think it's best that you break up with him. He is avoiding spending time with you, he doesn't show affection towards you except when he's drunk, and he prioritizes his friends over you, his girlfriend. Yep. I think it's time to say goodbye to this guy. Sometimes it takes a while to find out both people are just not compatible like they initially thought they were. I think in your case, you were smoothing him b/c he already treated you like an option. And, so, you smothered him, hoping that would force him to treat you like a priority. But, that backfired on you and now he just completely ignores you. I know it's hard, but you need to let this guy go. Make yourself available to another guy who actually IS interested in you, who will treat you like a priority and then you won't feel the need to overreact by smothering to get attention. Does that make sense?

Why date a guy who doesn't make any effort or show any interest in being with you? That's not even healthy.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

I’m not making assumptions before we are able to talk..but just my gut. He is not really romantic, doesn’t hold my hand in public and doesn’t compliment me unless he’s drinking. He always puts his friends first and I get a couple days out of the week and sometimes only once. But he will hang out with friends every free chance he gets. Weather is nice and he never initiates an outing but will hang out with his friend or friends. He was in my neighborhood but didn’t bother to ask to hang. Then he tells me he feels a disconnect between us and where we come from..I don’t know what can be done. He doesn’t seem willing to make any effort

I'm so sorry.... that truly sucks. I feel for you, I do. I've been through many breakups of my own.

It seems like he's trying to tell you in his own way that it's over. I know it may hurt and can be very painful to break up with someone, but I agree with the above poster. You can now be available to someone who will prioritize you and who doesn't make you chase them. Try to think of it from that perspective. Now you can be free to find someone more suitable and compatible with you. I'm very sorry it hasn't worked out though. It can be very disappointing. HUGS.

Yes, it's very upsetting to be rejected by a guy you pursued and fell for. But, it happens. And breakups are never any fun. But, guys fall into two categories:

1. Guys who are interested in you (you don't have to chase after them or smother them)
2. Guys who are not interested in you (they are too cowardly to tell you they lost interest, so they will make you do the work of breaking up with them, by mistreating you)

This has happened to us all - who date other people.

Red flags: if you have to chase after the guy and smother him or nag him to spend time with you and prioritize you in his life.
Green flags: He pursues you. Prioritizes you. You never have to guess what he feels about you.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. It sucks. But this relationship has no future. You can do so much better. Break up with him. Don’t drag it. We all been there. It’s not easy but don’t waste another minute.

When someone is really into you, you’ll know. Usually within first few dates. You’d not question it. And honestly since he is a kind of a jerk don’t wait for him to break up, call him now and say you are done with him. Don’t have to explain why.

Hang in there.

[Gymgirl71]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry. It sucks. But this relationship has no future. You can do so much better. Break up with him. Don’t drag it. We all been there. It’s not easy but don’t waste another minute.

When someone is really into you, you’ll know. Usually within first few dates. You’d not question it. And honestly since he is a kind of a jerk don’t wait for him to break up, call him now and say you are done with him. Don’t have to explain why.

Hang in there.

he is a real jerk. He straight up told me he doesn’t want intimacy with me anymore and he doesn’t feel the same way he used to. I found out he asked for advice so now I see how this is coming out of left field. Trying to say there are cultural differences. Well if he really cared, that wouldn’t have ever mattered. He also claims he was getting bored with us just hanging out every Friday and getting blasted. He never said anything about wanting to do something else. I agreed to take Soave but I’m making myself look desperate and foolish like I can’t get another guy. He’s letting people put a bug in his ear, so he deserves to be alone

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Gymgirl71! I agree with all the other wise posters here! Just leave him as soon as you can! It's clear he doesn't care about you and you deserve MUCH, MUCH better than him! Don't worry, I'm SURE you'll be able to find someone else that will truly love you for who you truly are! Just be patient and take this time to take GREAT care of yourself! Many people have been through a breakup, but they DO get over it and you WILL get over it as well! You're a strong, wonderful person! Trust me when I say that! Believe in yourself as much as you can! I hope you'll be able to believe in yourself the same way we all believe in you becausre YOU'RE AWESOME AND YOU KNOW IT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Gymgirl71! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserves to suffer AT ALL, certainly NOT YOU! Please keep fighting and keep trying your best! That's all you can do after and it's MORE THAN ENOUGH! Stay strong, stay safe and take GREAT care of yourself! You're an AWESOME, STRONG WARRIOR! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!

[MrBrains]

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

I’m not making assumptions before we are able to talk..but just my gut. He is not really romantic, doesn’t hold my hand in public and doesn’t compliment me unless he’s drinking. He always puts his friends first and I get a couple days out of the week and sometimes only once. But he will hang out with friends every free chance he gets. Weather is nice and he never initiates an outing but will hang out with his friend or friends. He was in my neighborhood but didn’t bother to ask to hang. Then he tells me he feels a disconnect between us and where we come from..I don’t know what can be done. He doesn’t seem willing to make any effort

If you can't understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.
If you fulfill your obligations everyday you don't need to worry about the future.

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

he is a real jerk. He straight up told me he doesn’t want intimacy with me anymore and he doesn’t feel the same way he used to. I found out he asked for advice so now I see how this is coming out of left field. Trying to say there are cultural differences. Well if he really cared, that wouldn’t have ever mattered. He also claims he was getting bored with us just hanging out every Friday and getting blasted. He never said anything about wanting to do something else. I agreed to take Soave but I’m making myself look desperate and foolish like I can’t get another guy. He’s letting people put a bug in his ear, so he deserves to be alone

I'm so sorry Gymgirl but you're still not getting it.

I don't know how to gently tell you this without hurting your feelings, but he changed his mind about dating you. It happens. People change their minds after they've been with someone for a time period, when they realize the person they're with isn't right for them.

Did you feel satisfied only seeing him once a week to get really drunk together? Does that seem like a healthy romantic relationship to you -- getting drunk once a week together?

I don't think you look desperate and foolish because he changed his mind about wanting to be with you. I think you feel angry and hurt, which is normal.

Ask yourself why you settled? Because it sounds like you really settled, if you were ok with getting drunk with a guy once a week and that's all you two ever did.

Don't you think you deserve more from a relationship than getting drunk once a week with your boyfriend?

[divine1966]

I don’t think he changed. He wasn’t that into it from the beginning. At no point he seemed that into you. And what does it matter what he wants. Do you want to see a man once a week and get drunk and then beg for more from him? Why is it ok with you?

And not wanting to be with someone doesn’t really make one a jerk, just makes one uninterested