What to do?

Great.........good to know you have an appointment set up.

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I hope I won't bother them too much!

they are there & trained to help students...."bothering them too much" is the LAST THING you should worry about... getting your questions answered & help with direction should be your ONLY concern.

You are not hiding anything from your parents at this point because you really don't know anything to hide. After you have your counselling sessions & sort out for yourself the direction you are going to take. Then you have something to share with your parents. The direction you decide to go in NEEDS TO BE your decision & not something not to disappoint parents or not. You have to live your own life & getting guidance from experienced counsellors is the best way to do that....guilt trip from parents does not accomplish that goal. This is coming from a 66 year old who established my own goals at 17 & has a daughter I allowed to do the same.

You can't tell people something until you know it yourself & you are hiding nothing at this point.

When parents are paying for everything, it’s important to make an agreement with them of where to draw boundaries—-what you will decide and what they will decide. This can be a long and evolving process, so get started! The alternative if u disagree is to get grant or scholarship money if you can, get a part time job, get a roommate and move out.

Thank you EVERYONE SO MUCH for being so supportive! Today I've had my first appointment with my University Counsellor! Unfortunately it didn't go very well! Apparentely I can't have appointments with them since I'm already seeing another therapist currently! Unfortunately that's not allowed! They've said they'll let me know if it can be worked out, but the chances of them being able to set up appointments with me are unfortunately very low especially since they're already so busy with many other students! I believe that's all my fault... I should have expected it and known better, but I didn't! I feel so discouraged right now! I can't really blame anyone else but myself... it ALWAYS goes like that! I don't know what to do right now... I just feel hopeless and stuck! I'm afraid there's not way out for me! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for being HERE FOR ME AND WITH ME WHEN I NEEDED IT! You've ALL done your best to encourage me and support and I'll forever be grateful for that! I'm just so sorry I've disappointed you all once again! Please take GREAT care of yourselves!

Does your university have career counselling rather than "therapy counselling"? Can you find someone who does career counselling in your community?

Can't blame yourself for what you didn't know at the time you set up the first appointment.....not like they told you that if you are seeing a therapist they can't help you.

I personally take finding help one step at a time. If my first attempt doesn't work out I keep looking. Help is usually there somewhere.

My EX-H would give up totally if his first attempt at anything was not what he expected or wanted. Definitely NOT a good trait to develop in life. Keep searching for the answers you need. Have you talked about this with the therapist you are seeing? Maybe you could get some searching direction for answers there?

Don't give up!!!!

good, you mustered the courage & went. so you can't have to counseling systems in place. that makes total sense...if you already have something, leave the free spots available for another student who is less fortunate and needs the support.

so now work with the support you have..your own counselor or therapist, what ever. figuring out your path is difficult but something that can be worked on. what is your passion? what stirs your soul? figure that out and then try and find the career path that closely matches the passion. it might sound ridiculous but everyone has a plan, a path..you just need to stop, reflect and follow it.

school is coming to the end...spend the summer taking time to just sit with yourself....if you could do anything in the world, what would it be????? what did you always say would be a cool job? find that spot. don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately..it took me a while to find my career. be open.

you are at the perfect age to try anything & everything...explore. there will always be time to settle...

Please don't blame yourself for someone else's policy, MickeyCheeky. You'll find a situation that works soon enough.

Yes, exactly as the others said, Mickey. I was confused too - I thought what you wanted was career counseling, not more psychotherapy. You have not disappointed anyone or let anyone down. You did good - you tried something. Keep trying. As I understand it you need help selecting career options. There's got to be someone out there who does that. There are tests, there are ways of narrowing down careers suitable to you, sometimes things you might not even have thought of. There may even be private agencies who can help you with that if the school cannot. Needing help selecting a career has very little to do with needing psychiatric help.

Please don't give up....

There is a pencil and paper test called the Kuder Aptitude Test. I took it years ago and it said I was good at Communications. That can be applied to MANY different careers. I think it would be the same for you. I think your problem could be that you would be good at so many things that it is an issue of narrowing it down!

That makes sense to me too. I think if anybody sees two counselors, therapists, psychiatrists whoever there could be a conflict. I hope things work out to your satisfaction with your current counselor. There is still time for you to smell the roses.

Is there another lesson that you could join that will start so that you could continue lesson? I'm sorry that you are struggling right now!

Is the University Counsellor different from a psychological counsellor, Mickey? If so, can they help you with finding an educational objective? A new major, as we might put it in the US?

It is difficult to navigate life and make the right decisions. It seems like everyone else knows what they are doing. This isn't true!


I am not going to say what you should do. I am not going to try to "fix" your problems.

But maybe - I will suggest - or ask --- what do you do to manage your anxiety? It sounds like you have a lot of free floating anxiety...and then these various situations make it worse. And that's uncomfortable. Yes. We all know about this. New situations are uncomfortable.

As far as what to do or say with your parents I am not going to go there. These things have a way of working themselves out.

But along the way if we learn how to manage our anxiety...it helps. I am still learning this. So look in your box of tools...and see if you can add a few more coping skills.

I cannot tell you what a pleasure it is to serve you, my dear!


You are always, always there for everyone else. For you to come on and ask for help, guidance, opinions, suggestions...is...well...it is like a warm hug for my soul!


You will figure it out. And the fact that you came on here and shared...well, that is a coping skill. So congratulations!

It sounds like you have some trepidation about the future. This happens to everyone in school. You are not alone there. It is the rare person who knows exactly what they want to do with there life.

Whatever it is...you are going to be...a shining light...just like you are here. So many people on PC love and care about you. And why? Because you are loving, generous, and compassionate.

What a pleasure it is to be able to give some of that back to you. Blessings, darling Mickey!

Please don't blame yourself. Who'd have thought that while away from home at university that you couldn't see someone local despite having services back home? I know that I wouldn't have.

I agree about career services on your campus as an alternative step.

Does sound frustrating but I've confidence that you'll persevere.

Thank you ALL SO MUCH for your kindness and generosity! I DOwant to clarify that no, I did NOT want more Psychotherapy, I've simply wanted some specific advice about what career should I pursue! I've even told that to them! Unfortunately that doesn't really change anything since that's what their policy is! It is NOT their fault of course! I'm not blaming them because of it! I DO still feel disappointed though, and most importantly I DO feel lost! I'm not sure about what step should I take next! I don't feel too comfortable about talking to my therapist about ALL of this! I'm not sure if there are ANY other people who may help me at University and if there are, I'm not sure where to find them or WHO to ask! If anyone has ANY suggestions, please don't hesitate to share it, although hugs and support are ALWAYS appreciated as well and what you're doing is already more than I could ever ask for! I'll forever be grateful for ALL the help and support that you're giving! I do hope things will go well for ALL OF YOU as well! I just hope I'll be able to find a path! I'd be interested in doing some tests, but online tests aren't very reliable and I'm not sure WHAT tests could I take IRL! I DO feel very stupid to be honest! THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP AND SUPPORT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to EVERYONE!

In many of the universities in the US they have career planning offices. Totally different from counselling that handles the personal issues.

Maybe your T could direct you to where to get that help rather than work with you on it.

I have found that if I just keep asking questilns & putting my specified need out there someone is bound to have an answer (though it did not always work like that for me when I was younger.....I never stopped seatching for & working toward the answers I needed

Eskie's idea is superb. Yes, every university has a career planning office and they should also have it staffed by a career counselor. I went to an office like this when I was a graduate school. But truth be told they weren't really that helpful.


A gentle suggestion is...to ask yourself what you are passionate about. That can sometimes steer you in a certain direction. You have to be prepared to answer some questions the career counselor will ask you...and that may be one of them. Do you like working with people, or alone? Do you like learning new things, or are you happier in your own little niche?

You can sit down and start jotting things down on paper. Allow yourself to dream a little.

But Eskie's suggestion was great.

Yours too, Decha. You can learn alot about yourself by just sitting quietly and writing.

And Mickey, there are books designed to help a person figure this stuff out. One I remember that was kind of a classic when I was a young adult was What Color Is Your Parachute by I think it was Richard Bolles. But there are probably others. This type of thing you could work on quietly by yourself and maybe identify a path forward.

(((((♥️)))))

Yes! I used that book and did it (the exercises) seriously...and ended up in my dream city with my dream job! But I had a lot more focus back then.

MickeyCheeky, have you thought about going on a fun vacation somewhere after you graduate college? Or, have you already graduated college?

I know in England/Ireland/Germany it is very common for students to take a "gap year" after college; a year to just travel, work odd jobs, and not worry about their future. It is a way to decompress from all the study and work required of college. A year of fun. If you can't take a year of fun, maybe take a week or two or more. Get a part-time job. Write down a list of types of jobs that interest you, then send emails to different companies in your town where those jobs exist, and ask the people who have those jobs, for an "informational interview." Also, that is what your college career counseling office can help you set up. The only way to find out what you want to do, is to ask others to help you find that out. I'm nearly 50 and I have often gone back as an alumni to my undergraduate college career counseling office for help. They are there for you to use as a resource.

"Gap year" in this case might simply serve to exacerbate anxiety.

Gap year (or even gap decade!) is what "trust fund babies" who don't need to worry about their future often do; such is the case in my community.

MickeyCheeky, do you need career counseling or personal counseling? Are you a college graduate now, or are you still in college? The more clear you are with your situation, the more feedback people can give you. I am confused as to what it is you need since you haven't been very clear.

After college, many students take a year off to just relax and have fun. Doesn't matter what it looks like. You don't need to buy an expensive vacation package. You can get a part-time job, do an internship, or just hang out at home. If you don't know what you want to do for a career, then you can use resources at your university and your city in the form of career counseling centers, workforce centers, and employment agencies. You can set up informational interviews with people in the work profession you want to investigate, or you can get a paid or non-paid internship, or what have you.

After college, I accepted a teaching gig in China for nearly 2 years at a university. I paid for my own airfare but the experience opened many doors for me personally speaking, to help me learn more about myself. Teaching English as a Second Language is a great adventure. Teaching any language after college, at a language camp, in a language school, through a program that pays you, or through a referral, is a fun way to spend a year after college. That's what I did. It was such a great year. So, if you already finished college and are feeling lost, then you should take some time to figure out what you need to help you decide what to do for a career. Whether its an activity, an internship, graduate school, living at home, the career counseling office. Whatever.

That's definitely a worthwhile read.

I had a friend who did ESL in China after graduate school, and she found it to be a very isolating experience. She enjoyed teaching the little preschoolers but everything else about her stay created a lot of anxiety.

I hope, Micky, you just take it one-step-at-a-time and keep posting here for support. Best of luck, little shining star.

peace corps. explore a different country and help others plus it gives you credit towards government status should you decide to try for a gov't position somewhere down the line. rather then just a "gap year" doing nothing. doubt many parents will appreciate college tuition bills being spent for that.

I did Peace Corps. Everyone joked about its motto "The toughest job you'll ever love." Because it's true. I was on a remote island in the South Pacific. Sharks, sea snakes, giant frogs, rats, malaria, bats, flying squirrels, crocs (not the shoes, but real live crocs), spiders as big as your hand etc. Very freaking stressful!