This is a great article about immature adults and what signs to look out for.

14 Signs Of Immature People Who Really Need To Just Grow Up | Thought Catalog

1. Ironically, the most immature people think that they’re really mature. They’re very good at judging others and pulling them down, but almost incapable of seeing faults in themselves. They’re in denial of their own weaknesses, and are not willing to admit that they’re human and less than perfect just like everyone else.

2. Immature people deal with conflict or disagreement through aggressive means. They misunderstand empathy and compassion as weakness. They try to establish their superiority and authority over someone else by demeaning or insulting them. They are narrow-minded because they do not try to learn from and understand another person’s point of view.

3. Immature people react very negatively to perceived rejection or abandonment. They are very amicable when things are going their way, but as soon as they cannot control something, they are incapable of acting gracefully under pressure. They try to turn the tables around by acting like they rejected you, rather than accepting that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

4. Immature people do not leave their comfort zones, and resent those who do. They box themselves and other people into comfortable categories from which they never grow from, because it gives them the semblance of control. They stick to the familiar and the known in their social and professional life. This is also the reason that they are unable to deal with the uncertainty and the things they can’t control in their life.

5. Immature people gaslight and blame others for their actions. They will abuse you, and act like they’re doing you a favour. They will take advantage of you, and victimize themselves. They will drag you down before you have the chance to expose their real selves to them. They prefer the company of people they consider inferior or that they are able to dominate. Since they care so much about their public image, they appear to be superficially perfect.

6. Immature people crave what they can’t have. Since their sense of self-worth is based on a false sense of self, it is dependent on external validation. When they can’t have something it proves a direct threat to their ego, which is incongruent with the way they see themselves. They are impatient, and cannot stand the denial of immediate gratification of their selfish needs and desires.

7. Immature people are materialistic and do not grasp the spiritual aspect of life. They work towards success in cookie cutter professions and gain approval through awards and material possessions. They are empty and dissatisfied on the inside, because they know that they do not possess the courage to push their boundaries, and actually do something meaningful with their lives.

8. Immature people never take responsibility. Whether in relationships or workplaces, it is never ever their fault. The reason they seem to be stuck in repetitive life patterns is because they cannot face the truth. They refuse to take accountability for their mistakes, falsely convincing themselves that other people or circumstances are the problem.

9. Immature people act juvenile and childish because they’re actually hiding massive insecurity behind a shadow of egotism. They haven’t taken the time to face their true selves, and keeping up the masks takes up all their energy.

10. Immature people think that they’re different. They absolutely love the idea of being special. It gives them an excuse to elevate their own self-esteem. They have a sense of entitlement whether it’s through their skillset, talents, appearance, privileges or personalities.

11. Immature people take everything personally. They get easily offended, as everything is a blow to their ego. They are so self-absorbed that they do not understand that the world does not revolve around them. They need the reassurance that they are the center of the universe.

12. Immature people do not respect healthy boundaries in other people. Such people pose the biggest threats to immature people because they are truly secure, and mirror their shadow selves back to them. Such people stand up to them, and remind them that they are not always right, which takes away their sense of power.

13. Immature people see the world in black or white. They are unable to understand the subjectivity of human nature, and seeing things from other perspectives. If you’re not with them, you’re against them; it’s all or nothing. They assume that their opinions, needs and wants are the only ones that matter, and are very set in their ways.

14. Immature people are cowards. They pretend to have the roar of a lion with the heart of a mouse. They come in all shapes and sizes, from all ages and walks of life. The best way to recognize them is through the stench of their colossal ego reeking underneath the scent of their perfume.

This article is relevant to an experience I had with a new friend who was a no-show on a coffee date that HE initiated with me. We'd previously met with no problems to go to the movies two times. But yesterday, he was a no show. There was no confirmation from him the day before or the morning of our coffee date that he was still coming (red flag #1). And after he didn't show, I texted how his behavior made me feel like he doesn't respect me, and how I felt it was rude for him to just not show up without notifying me he wouldn't be there.

His response was #5 to gaslight me and try to make me feel guilty, by writing via text, "I think you are overreacting." He also refused to take responsibility for socially rejecting me, or, #8, from the article, which is what a no-show does, because it's RUDE to just not show up for someone you supposedly respect, by also writing in his text to me, "it's your prerogative not to be friends with me but no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are." That last bit he wrote, is very black and white, or #13, via the article. He's unable to see that despite being a 50 year old man, other people have different perspectives than his perspective. He assumes that it's ok to just no-show on anyone, no matter who it is, and he's very set in his ways.

I also told him I couldn't justify keeping him as a Facebook friend after the way he just blew me off and didn't even bother respecting me enough to text me that he wasn't coming (he wrote a bunch of lame excuses for why he didn't show up: he forgot, his stomach hurt, he was hung over, his mom came over, he has errands to run) to the coffee date that HE initiated with me in the first place. Sorry, but you don't no-show on someone whom you remotely respect.

The fallout was that I lost the new friendship with the mutual female friend who I really liked, because she told me I was dramatic and that I had a lot of problems she didn't want to deal with; that she felt I was too hard on him and had unrealistic expectations (which I disagree with, b/c I don't just no-show on anyone, ever).

I was raised to always respect people's time, and if I didn't want to hang out with them, or couldn't for illness or other reasons (like dealing with my mother's new dementia diagnosis), that I need to communicate ahead of time, or on the day of plans, to tell that person how sorry I am to have to cancel our plans and reschedule them. That shows I'm being considerate to their feelings and respectful of their time. The fact that this 50 year guy refused to do that with me, shows me how unreliable he would be as al long-term friend; someone whom I would never make plans to hang out alone with, b/c he'd just not show up and not tell me either. Why should I waste my time, hanging on to people like this guy? No thanks. Not worth my time. He's definitely an immature adult if he is going to act entitled as though his no-showing is never going to change.

What is wrong with some people?!? I have just as much stress in my life than he does, but I still showed up for coffee. I'm so angry. Can anyone relate?

[unaluna]

Thats really bogus of him! How do you just not show up? Its not like youre just kids on campus, or coworkers who missed a breaktime together. Those might be excusable, but if you have to leave one place to go to another, then a no-show is pretty inconsiderate.

Nice article, thanks for sharing.

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

...she felt I was too hard on him and had unrealistic expectations...

Um, what?! It's unrealistic to expect people to show up to planned get-togethers? Is this man also unable to hold employment? Because, in my industry, a no call-no show means you get fired.

[Medusax]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

This article is relevant to an experience I had with a new friend who was a no-show on a coffee date that HE initiated with me. We'd previously met with no problems to go to the movies two times. But yesterday, he was a no show. There was no confirmation from him the day before or the morning of our coffee date that he was still coming (red flag #1). And after he didn't show, I texted how his behavior made me feel like he doesn't respect me, and how I felt it was rude for him to just not show up without notifying me he wouldn't be there.

His response was #5 to gaslight me and try to make me feel guilty, by writing via text, "I think you are overreacting." He also refused to take responsibility for socially rejecting me, or, #8, from the article, which is what a no-show does, because it's RUDE to just not show up for someone you supposedly respect, by also writing in his text to me, "it's your prerogative not to be friends with me but no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are." That last bit he wrote, is very black and white, or #13, via the article. He's unable to see that despite being a 50 year old man, other people have different perspectives than his perspective. He assumes that it's ok to just no-show on anyone, no matter who it is, and he's very set in his ways.

I also told him I couldn't justify keeping him as a Facebook friend after the way he just blew me off and didn't even bother respecting me enough to text me that he wasn't coming (he wrote a bunch of lame excuses for why he didn't show up: he forgot, his stomach hurt, he was hung over, his mom came over, he has errands to run) to the coffee date that HE initiated with me in the first place. Sorry, but you don't no-show on someone whom you remotely respect.

The fallout was that I lost the new friendship with the mutual female friend who I really liked, because she told me I was dramatic and that I had a lot of problems she didn't want to deal with; that she felt I was too hard on him and had unrealistic expectations (which I disagree with, b/c I don't just no-show on anyone, ever).

I was raised to always respect people's time, and if I didn't want to hang out with them, or couldn't for illness or other reasons (like dealing with my mother's new dementia diagnosis), that I need to communicate ahead of time, or on the day of plans, to tell that person how sorry I am to have to cancel our plans and reschedule them. That shows I'm being considerate to their feelings and respectful of their time. The fact that this 50 year guy refused to do that with me, shows me how unreliable he would be as al long-term friend; someone whom I would never make plans to hang out alone with, b/c he'd just not show up and not tell me either. Why should I waste my time, hanging on to people like this guy? No thanks. Not worth my time. He's definitely an immature adult if he is going to act entitled as though his no-showing is never going to change.

What is wrong with some people?!? I have just as much stress in my life than he does, but I still showed up for coffee. I'm so angry. Can anyone relate?

I couldn't agree more about the time thing. I H-A-T-E that. If I make plans with someone and can't make it due to unseen circumstances, I tell the person IMMEDIATELY!!!! By as many avenues as I can. I go OFF when someone does that to me.

Well exactly ladies! He's 50 years old, for christ sake! AND he has a college aged child. I couldn't believe how entitled he acted when I held him accountable for no-showing on me the way he did. He acted like a child, not texting me ahead of time to validate ANY of those lame excuses as even being true (probably are just lies, in retrospect). The only reason someone no-shows on another person, is because they are a coward, and don't want to tell that person how they feel (that they don't want to hang out with them anymore, platonic or romantic).

I mean, how hard IS IT to take 4 seconds and text, "Sorry. Not feeling well. Need to cancel coffee today. Rain check for next weekend?" Had he done that, it would have shown me he considered my feelings. I'm nearly 50 myself, and I'm done giving people 2nd chances with good behavior like this. It's common courtesy to communicate with someone you're meeting up with for something social. I have no problems doing it.

I'm still angry that this guy and his female friend both socially rejected me this way. I mean, what the hell?! Why not just tell me you don't like me. I'll get over it!

Why do inconsiderate people act so entitled when you tell them that their behavior was rude and selfish to you. No where in his stupid 2 texts to me, did he even apologize for no-showing. All he did was deflect, accuse me of being overreactive, and try to justify his lame excuses, rather than see this from my perspective. He only wants to see this situation from his own perspective, as though he's some sort of victim which is baloney!!!

[divine1966]

So he stood you up and didn’t even bother coming up with valid reasons. He had errands to run? Say what?

I can’t wrap my mind around it. Do you know him well? It sounds so out there, beyond bizarre. Certainly no need to talk to him ever again or explain anything. Just too weird to even phantom this.

I had a coworker who really like this one guy, he stood her up, when she finally got him to answer the phone he told her it was because he was hungover. Yeah ok. Insane

Originally Posted by theoretical

Nice article, thanks for sharing.


Um, what?! It's unrealistic to expect people to show up to planned get-togethers? Is this man also unable to hold employment? Because, in my industry, a no call-no show means you get fired.

I know, right? She defended him writing, "He is ditzy and has a lot of stuff going on in his life." WTF is that? Everyone has lots of stuff going on in their lives but that doesn't mean they have the right to act like inconsiderate jerks and just no-show on plans the way he did.

This article saved my sanity. I just have no tolerance for no showers b/c they act so entitled. What industry do you work in? I know that's off topic.

Originally Posted by divine1966

So he stood you up and didn’t even bother coming up with valid reasons. He had errands to run? Say what?

I can’t wrap my mind around it. Do you know him well? It sounds so out there, beyond bizarre. Certainly no need to talk to him ever again or explain anything. Just too weird to even phantom this.

I had a coworker who really like this one guy, he stood her up, when she finally got him to answer the phone he told her it was because he was hungover. Yeah ok. Insane

Oh his excuses were LAME:

-his mom came over
-his stomach hurt
-he forgot
-had errands to run

Those were his top 4 major excuses for not showing up for coffee this weekend, or why he chose not to communicate to me that he wasn't coming. So, why the hell did he ask me to meet him for coffee then?! You know?!

I can't wrap my mind around his idiotic behavior either.

I bet this guy was hungover like the guy you mention your coworker was stood up by. Hell, they could be the same guy as this guy I'd only known a few months and he was always drinking when I saw him, or chatted with him online.

[divine1966]

I think he is bad news. Block him

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

This is a great article about immature adults and what signs to look out for.

I like how you put "(adult)." It gets the point across.

[sarahsweets]

What a total asshole. Nuff said.

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

The fallout was that I lost the new friendship with the mutual female friend who I really liked, because she told me I was dramatic and that I had a lot of problems she didn't want to deal with; that she felt I was too hard on him and had unrealistic expectations (which I disagree with, b/c I don't just no-show on anyone, ever).

She sounds like an immature person herself, who cannot discern immature behavior. How old is she?

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

What industry do you work in? I know that's off topic.

Casino.

What about your no call-no show friend? I'm really curious how this guy managed to hold down a job if he couldn't even handle going to a coffee date that he arranged. Or maybe he didn't have a job.

[divine1966]

“no show” isn’t acceptable in any line of work.

I suspect true reason was that he just didn’t want to go but isn’t the type of honest direct person. When he says other women are ok with him standing them up is a lie. No one is ok with that and it’s not a common kind of behavior

I hope it’s not the same guy who was nasty to you after movie outing. Don’t give people second chances. I mean sure family and long trusted friends deserve consideration, not some random stranger you know for few months. Hope he is blocked

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think he is bad news. Block him

Oh trust me, he is finally blocked on my cellphone and Facebook.

Originally Posted by ennie

I like how you put "(adult)." It gets the point across.

Haha! Thanks ennie! And she (his friend) is 40 years old. I don't know why his immaturity doesn't bother her. Sometimes I think she must be as immature as he is. Otherwise, no one in their right mind would put up with his crap. She has a boyfriend, so I know they're not dating.

Still, it is gross to think he's 50 years old, acting like this - not showing up for things he sets up himself.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

What a total asshole. Nuff said.

Yes, indeed he is an asshole. I shouldn't have given this asshole a second chance after the way he treated me at the last movie we went to. I am an idiot.

Originally Posted by theoretical

Casino.

What about your no call-no show friend? I'm really curious how this guy managed to hold down a job if he couldn't even handle going to a coffee date that he arranged. Or maybe he didn't have a job.

Cool job.

Suppsedly, he got fired from his last IT job for all the time-off he would take. Now that I think about your comment more, I bet he got fired from his last job b/c he just wouldn't show up to work "because he didn't feel like it" or something. Who knows. He claimed to have a job now, but I find it highly suspicious myself.

Originally Posted by divine1966

“no show” isn’t acceptable in any line of work.

I suspect true reason was that he just didn’t want to go but isn’t the type of honest direct person. When he says other women are ok with him standing them up is a lie. No one is ok with that and it’s not a common kind of behavior

I hope it’s not the same guy who was nasty to you after movie outing. Don’t give people second chances. I mean sure family and long trusted friends deserve consideration, not some random stranger you know for few months. Hope he is blocked

I agree, divine. No-showing is unacceptable in any line of work, definitely.

I also think you're right -- he isn't an honest, direct-type person. And there's no way all of those women he claims to be friends with after having casual flings with him were ok with his no-showing either.

Yes, I sheepishly admit I gave that asshole a second chance. Now, my turn to eat crow. I guess I should have seen this coming from him.

[Open Eyes]

The thing about a person like this StreetCar is it's a waste of time to even call them out on their bad behavior. When someone is not willing to listen it's a waste of your time when it comes to situations like this. A responsible person would have been considerate enough to call you if he was not going to show up.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

The thing about a person like this StreetCar is it's a waste of time to even call them out on their bad behavior. When someone is not willing to listen it's a waste of your time when it comes to situations like this. A responsible person would have been considerate enough to call you if he was not going to show up.

I think you're absolutely 100% correct, Open Eyes. He's entitled, stubborn, set in his ways and he REFUSES to acknowledge that not everyone sees the world like he does (that everyone is meant to serve HIM, and put up with HIS choices and habits).

I think I knew setting boundaries with him after he no-showed was a colossal waste of my time via text, but it made me feel good to call him out and practice reacting with my boundaries immediately, versus never.

When he told me it was my choice not to be friends with him, that REEKED of his bad, entitled attitude, as though he was granting me permission not to be friends with him any longer. What an asshole! Yikes!

Not a single "I'm sorry, you're right" from him.

Good riddance! YUCK!

[Open Eyes]

When he told me it was my choice not to be friends with him, that REEKED of his bad, entitled attitude, as though he was granting me permission not to be friends with him any longer. What an asshole! Yikes!

When someone steps back and grants you your choice, it doesn't always mean that person is being bad though.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

When someone steps back and grants you your choice, it doesn't always mean that person is being bad though.

But I don't need his permission or his blessing to stop being friends with him. When he wrote that it was up to me, it came across self-righteous of him, as though he had to get the last word in. There was no contrition, no apology, no guilt for not showing up and not communicating to me ahead of time. He couldn't have cared less, obviously, that he no-showed on me.

What other way is there, to interpret "It's your choice if you don't want to be friends with me." That is an extremely passive-aggressive statement. At least, that is how I interpreted it. Had he wrote, "I am sorry that you feel that way but I understand why," that would have showed me his acknowledgment of his ****** behavior and how he felt guilty about the way he treated me. But he clearly didn't feel guilty b/c that was not expressed in what he wrote to me in his two texts.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

But I don't need his permission or his blessing to stop being friends with him. When he wrote that it was up to me, it came across self-righteous of him, as though he had to get the last word in. There was no contrition, no apology, no guilt for not showing up and not communicating to me ahead of time. He couldn't have cared less, obviously, that he no-showed on me.

What other way is there, to interpret "It's your choice if you don't want to be friends with me." That is an extremely passive-aggressive statement. At least, that is how I interpreted it. Had he wrote, "I am sorry that you feel that way but I understand why," that would have showed me his acknowledgment of his ****** behavior and how he felt guilty about the way he treated me. But he clearly didn't feel guilty b/c that was not expressed in what he wrote to me in his two texts.

It’s absolutely passive aggressive. No doubt about it. It’s not your perception.

Subtle difference between sincere: “I am sorry, I behaved badly. I wish we could remain friends but I understand that I hurt you too much by my selfish actions.” That would be direct approach. The way he went about is passive aggressive manipulative way. He also managed to play a victim and blame others for the fact that he rudely stands people up! Unbelievable

He didn’t feel guilty because he simply isn’t a nice person. There are some people who simply aren’t nice. They could appear nice initially because they know how to pretend very well, but they show true colors eventually. Luckily this dude show his nature early on and you didn’t get too invested

[Open Eyes]

But I don't need his permission or his blessing to stop being friends with him. When he wrote that it was up to me, it came across self-righteous of him, as though he had to get the last word in. There was no contrition, no apology, no guilt for not showing up and not communicating to me ahead of time. He couldn't have cared less, obviously, that he no-showed on me.

I was not talking about this particular guy, he was rude to you for not showing up or appologizing. I was just saying that when someone gives you the choice to unfriend them etc., it's not the same as this guy who is a jerk.

When reading all these articles about naricissists and toxic people etc., it can be easy to start thinking that anyone who says certain things or acts similar to what is described is automatically a bad person. There is really no such thing as a perfect person and people can have some behaviors that are not all that desireable or are imperfect, yet that doesn't always mean they are a totally bad person.

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s absolutely passive aggressive. No doubt about it. It’s not your perception.

Subtle difference between sincere: “I am sorry, I behaved badly. I wish we could remain friends but I understand that I hurt you too much by my selfish actions.” That would be direct approach. The way he went about is passive aggressive manipulative way. He also managed to play a victim and blame others for the fact that he rudely stands people up! Unbelievable

He didn’t feel guilty because he simply isn’t a nice person. There are some people who simply aren’t nice. They could appear nice initially because they know how to pretend very well, but they show true colors eventually. Luckily this dude show his nature early on and you didn’t get too invested

Thank you for confirming what I knew was correct -- that his response was totally passive aggressive.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I was not talking about this particular guy, he was rude to you for not showing up or appologizing. I was just saying that when someone gives you the choice to unfriend them etc., it's not the same as this guy who is a jerk.

When reading all these articles about naricissists and toxic people etc., it can be easy to start thinking that anyone who says certain things or acts similar to what is described is automatically a bad person. There is really no such thing as a perfect person and people can have some behaviors that are not all that desireable or are imperfect, yet that doesn't always mean they are a totally bad person.

Could you give me an example of what you meant, then? I have never been "given a choice to unfriend" anyone. I think that when people like this guy say that, it's very passive-aggressive and reeks of manipulation and abuse.

So, I need a concrete scenario from you, of what you mean, when you say that when someone tells you its fine if you don't want to be their friend, that doesn't indicate they are a bad person. I am trying to understand where you're coming from, but from where I stand, that doesn't make sense to me at all.

No one who is mature and responsible, would tell another person how to feel. No one. They would allow the other person to express themselves and not tell them they are wrong for expressing themselves.

[romantic rose]

A few of these I can see in myself but most of them thankfully not. Very aware I can be immature at times though.

[Open Eyes]

No one who is mature and responsible, would tell another person how to feel. No one. They would allow the other person to express themselves and not tell them they are wrong for expressing themselves.

I agree 100% with this Blanch, and I myself have experienced way too many toxic scenarios where I was literally told that MY feelings don't matter and that what I value should not have value simply because the other person did not value or even know anything about what I did and created that had value either. If I happen to reach out for help and end up hearing that my feelings don't matter I would rather that other person respect me and step back rather than insisting I see the world the way they do and not value whatever I happen to value. So that person saying to me that it's ok to have my own feelings and they will stop expecting me to only see things their way and they will step back, I am not going to just assume they are a bad person. There have been times where I TRY to help another person and for whatever reason my input isn't really helping and that person want's to distance, I will step back too, doesn't mean I am being spiteful or bad or disrespectful by agreeing to step back.

The truth is it's not black and white, there definitely is a lot of gray when it comes to interacting with other people. Sometimes with these articles that lay out things to watch out for in others that can mean that person is a toxic or a bad person can pull you in a direction of thinking anyone who exhibits "some" of these behaviors is a bad person. Everyone has some narcisism in them, it's simply a part of being human. We all have our weaknesses and insecurities.

Often a person that has been deeply hurt by a narcissistic person is VERY sensitive, that's very understandable. Let's face it when a person is only able to see things according to their own truths and ends up blowing up at or playing their withholding toxic game and you are the victim? It can really take time to heal and try to trust again. Part of the healing is spending time learning what to watch out for in other people so you don't end up once again getting sucked into that awful trap of once again being abused and hurt. There is the sarcastic "you can have your own feelings" and an actual caring of "yes, I understand you can have your own feelings and I will step back if you wish". It's not permission, it's respect, there is a difference.