[N6622]

So i lately i've been feeling like my best friend would rather hang out with her bf then me. Her and i rarely get to see eachother now because we both work so much but her and her bf see eachother everyday ( nothing wrong with that obviously ) why im bringing up the fact that we rarely get to see eachother but she sees him everyday is bc even when me and her plan to hangout she invites him which i dont get, i would get it if she hasnt seen him and she wants to hang with both of us bc she misses us both. But thats not the case. Today we were suppose to hangout just us two (made it clear if it could be just the two of us and she was fine with that) anyway i got off work and met her at tims to grab ice coffee but she told me we had to sit there for bit to wait for her bf. I was like bet, i didnt care cuz hes a cool dude still and he makes her happy so i like him as a friend and didnt mind. However when he came we decided to play a few rounds of uno cuz y not tht game is so fun 😂😂. Anyway we were playing and me and him started joking around and we made plan to cheat to make it funny when we win. She realized this, made a big deal and then she left and told me she didnt want to hang anymore, tht she just wanted go home. So i apologized and told her im sorry. I went home and an hour later she messages me apologizing, telling me shes loves me and all. But what upset me a lot is on her snap story she posted videos with her bf outside all happy right after she got mad at both her bf and i for no reason. Now i feel like she wasnt actually upset, she just made a big deal out of nothing so she could go hang out with him. I feel like shed rather go hang out with him then me and on days its only suppose to be us she gets angry for no reason so she could go hang out with him. On days we actually are alone she keeps messaging a lot which is so annoying to me but i dont want to be clingy so i never say anything. Like idk if its my insecurities or if this is just how it is now. Anyway idk what to do. Do i talk to her or am i just being clingy?

[hvert]

I don't think it's your insecurities, I think it's just how it is now. She actually sounds a little insecure with that Uno game! Is this a new relationship for her? I don't think you sound clingy at all and if you want to talk to her, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people just don't seem to be good at keeping boyfriends and best friends at the same time. I have definitely done it myself, wanted to spend every minute with a new boyfriend, and I've lost some friends that way.

[Iloivar]

you replying to her messages would not be clingy at all. Since you're not initiating conversation and barraging the other person with messages daily even if they're not replying. Which is what would be considered daily. Why does her messaging annoy you?

And overall, your behaviour isn't clingy i'd say. Sounds like you simply want to spend time with just you and your friend since you don't have that often.


Anyways, you could try talking to her again and address the issue of her bringing along her boyfriend even when you made it clear not to, which she apparently agreed to. Obviously you have nothing against the bf himself, But simply want time with her alone. I imagine the dynamic is different, and im guessing thats what you want? Perhaps you can mention those things.

You could also mention how you feel about the current direction of the relationship. Im guessing you see each other less, talk less? And when you do spend time, it's shortened compared to how it was before?

On the other side of the coin.. the fact she still brought her bf despite an agreement to have time to yourselves, and that more than once you've gotten the impression she makes excuses to not hang out, or shorten your time together to be with her bf. Well, there might not be much you can do since she seems set on spending so much time with her boyfriend. Though it might not hurt to talk to her about how you feel, you know better than us how she would react.

[Bill3]

I wonder if she was jealous that you and her bf were joking around and plotting together.

You aren’t being clingy.

It sometimes happens, unfortunately, that a bf gets between two good friends. You could talk to her about it, but also I think give some thought to what you will do if nothing changes.

[Rose76]

She's in an early stage of infatuation. Right now, and probably for a good while to come, all she wants is to be with him. She's not respecting her friendship with you, which I don't think is making unreasonable demands on her. That may change down the line, but not any time soon.

What she doesn't realize is that she's making herself into a boring person. The person she's going to end up boring the most is her boyfriend. Some day he's going to want to go hang with his buddies more and spend less time with her clinging on to him. Yes . . . she is the clingy one. Right now, he doesn't mind . . . and even likes it. That will change. Your gf is doing the dumbest thing a girl in love can do. She's never giving this guy a chance to miss her. That gets old to a guy. Eventually, he's going to think, "I can have her whenever I want. Let me go do other stuff. She'll be there waiting when I get back."

So, if you have the patience to wait, she may someday be real glad of a friend to hang out with.

[N6622]

Originally Posted by hvert

I don't think it's your insecurities, I think it's just how it is now. She actually sounds a little insecure with that Uno game! Is this a new relationship for her? I don't think you sound clingy at all and if you want to talk to her, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people just don't seem to be good at keeping boyfriends and best friends at the same time. I have definitely done it myself, wanted to spend every minute with a new boyfriend, and I've lost some friends that way.

They've been dating for 8 months and at first it wasnt like this. It's been getting like this the more they hang out. I feel like shes getting too attached too bc hes hurt her so made times and done so much but she goes back to him bc she told shes too afraid to leave him since she loves him so much. I think that has something to do with it.

[N6622]

Originally Posted by Rose76

She's in an early stage of infatuation. Right now, and probably for a good while to come, all she wants is to be with him. She's not respecting her friendship with you, which I don't think is making unreasonable demands on her. That may change down the line, but not any time soon.

What she doesn't realize is that she's making herself into a boring person. The person she's going to end up boring the most is her boyfriend. Some day he's going to want to go hang with his buddies more and spend less time with her clinging on to him. Yes . . . she is the clingy one. Right now, he doesn't mind . . . and even likes it. That will change. Your gf is doing the dumbest thing a girl in love can do. She's never giving this guy a chance to miss her. That gets old to a guy. Eventually, he's going to think, "I can have her whenever I want. Let me go do other stuff. She'll be there waiting when I get back."

So, if you have the patience to wait, she may someday be real glad of a friend to hang out with.

He already is doing that to her and i always tell her to hold her ground bc hes gon keep doing what hes doing, like constantly talking, flirting with other girls, but everytime she goes running back and wont listen to me. Which she doesn't have to but i care bout & wanna see her truly happy in the end. But yeah i brought it up with her and she got mad, told me its not bout me. Idk maybe it was just my insecurities 😂😂.. oops.

A couple of questions. Firstly, how old are you and your friend? Is this her first romance? People can get caught up in the romance when they first begin dating, especially when they're young and have never experienced it before. It's a rush of emotions. But that'll pass eventually, and hopefully they fall into something a little more stable.

Or at least, that's what I've heard. I've never experienced it for myself.

Secondly, this post is kind of odd in light of your post in the New Member forum, and I'm trying to reconcile these two lines in particular.

Originally Posted by N6622

i care bout & wanna see her truly happy in the end.

Originally Posted by N6622

Most people or "normal" people they all feel empathy and sympathy. I've never felt empathy towards others.

Why does it matter so much to you? If it does matter, then what are you going to do about it?

[divine1966]

You guys sound very young. Is this high school romance? Sound somewhat typical for young people being too focused on their new relationship and wanting to be around their romantic interest all the time. Give it time.

[sarahsweets]

I was wondering if this was a younger person sort of thing-not to assume anything of course. Sometimes the infatuation comes later or they get more in love and it sort of flares up. I wouldnt let the social media thing bother you for another second. Social media to convey hidden messages is immature and a poor way of showing how you feel. And it only serves to rile you up if you let it and she might not have given it another thought and just wanted to share her happiness. Do not let your friendships and feelings rely on snapchat, insta, FB, twitter- whatever.

[N6622]

Originally Posted by theoretical

A couple of questions. Firstly, how old are you and your friend? Is this her first romance? People can get caught up in the romance when they first begin dating, especially when they're young and have never experienced it before. It's a rush of emotions. But that'll pass eventually, and hopefully they fall into something a little more stable.

Or at least, that's what I've heard. I've never experienced it for myself.

Secondly, this post is kind of odd in light of your post in the New Member forum, and I'm trying to reconcile these two lines in particular.



Why does it matter so much to you? If it does matter, then what are you going to do about it?

Im just as confused as you to be honest. You brought up a good point and it got me thinking. I realized that i do care about my loved ones, a lot actually and it would kill me to see them hurt or for me to hurt them in anyway. You made me realize that, however whats confusing is the fact whenever someone rants to me bout their feelings i'll always find myself not caring and not knowing how to respond so i'll pretend i care. For example someone told me their grandmother had passed and i had to make myself act concerned even though i knew i really did not give an ounce of care. Even with my best friend, i love her as if shes my sister but she'll always rant to me and i'll always just pretend. Idk if its cuz im always mostly drained or if i actually cant feel empathy. I really wanna know what wrong with me, thing is i dont think im insane because im aware of my "problems" yet everyone around me they'll notice odd things that i do and call me crazy or tell me im bipolar. So now i rlly wanna just know whats wrong with me. Lmao this took a turn. Btw both of us are 18, lots of people were asking bout our age. We talked it out tho, its all good with us now. At first she was angry but then she realized she was hurting me and she apologized. We had a huge deep talk, she understands where im coming from and i understand why shes been acting the way she has, were good so im glad some of ya'll convinced me to talk to her

Originally Posted by N6622

On days we actually are alone she keeps messaging a lot which is so annoying to me but i dont want to be clingy so i never say anything.

I hear you. Something happens to some ladies when they find a man.

I think that you would be reinforcing her behavior if you give too much attention to her when she is away from her boyfriend. It seems to me that she thinks that it's okay to ditch you when her man comes, and then demand attention from you when he goes. She is not respecting you.