[helpme07]

HI,
I'm new to this board for various reasons...some I can share and others I just can't right now. The issue that is on the forefront ...my second marriage of 9 years is dead after years of counceling and seperating to try to make it work. I have 3 sons from my first marriage. He left after 10 years for greener grass and has been an awful time because we hate eachother so. He contiues to torture me emotionally after several years of divorce. I married this 2nd man on purely a rebound impulse and we have a 6 year old daughter together. ...she is my sunshine. My sons are 19, (at college, 1st year)16, ( at wilderness camp but is coming home soon a new man!) and 14 (has had open -heart surgery and is emotionally behind because of it). I have had numerous issues with 2 of my sons but am begining to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them. Thank God. My husband emotionally abuses me and has done the same to my sons but for some reason...that has passed for them and he actualy likes them etc...now the problem remains with us. We are not friends and have never had anything in common. He just has never understood me...liked me for who I am and what I beleive in, or what my interests are. We are miserable. I have left him twice...trying to protect my kids. but each time I came back after several months because I beleived the lies he told me and wanted so badly to have a family intact. It has been an exhausting rollercoaster and I just don't know any answers anymore. Yes..we have been to pastors for counceling and professional counselors but would become so angry at the sessions we could never sick it out long enough to get any real help.
s of now I am homeschooling my daughter but will probably have to put her in school next year and get a job so I can leave for the final time. I have love for this man but it is mixed in with soooo much hurt, resentment and pain that I just can't see clearly. I want out and I want peace.....I struggle with this daily and know I'm not alone. I jsut need to connect with others that may living the life I am. I know this is long and if you have read this far...thank you. Please help me. I am reaching out which is very difficult for me....it scares me but I am desperate at this point.

[Perna]

Hi, Helpme, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). Looks like to me that working on getting out and a life of your own might help you a little with its different focus.

My husband has a nephew that was at a special school like your son's wilderness camp and he is still fine a couple years later (now 20 with job, friends, etc., we're going to be visiting them tomorrow). My husband has three sons and I remember some of the difficulties raising and helping them become men. The one with the "worst" problems is now the one doing best. They are in their 30's and 40's and have family of their own.

I would concentrate on you and getting you and your daughter into a life for the two of you. I think getting a job and persuing some interests of your own that have been stiffled in the marriage might take away some of the stress on the relationship and help give both you and your husband a different view. A lot of stresses can come from being too "close" to problems to get a good perspective so we get stuck in the same ruts.

[AAAAA]

helpme07,

You have so much going on right now! No wonder you're desperate. you have to do whatever is best for you and your kids. It does not sound like you had much of a foundation to begin your relationship with, so moving on is the best thing!

I'm a firm believer in sticking it out and giving it an honest try, which it sounds like you've done more that your fair share of that, but if he's abusive, he's not worth any of your precious energy! You can leave with a clear conscience on all accounts!

I wish you and your children all the best. I'm glad that you've found PC, there's a lot of support here.

[Doh2007]

I'm so glad you found us. I've found this to be a warm and caring place to explore issues and get help and validation. I know how much it means just to have someone listen.

I agree with Perna. It sounds like you know what you need to do. We'll give you all the support and encouragement we can. I also had to give up my plans to home school my son so I could get a job during my divorce. It hurts, but kids are resilient.

May God Bless you and your family.