When someone seems overly nice to the point of coming off as forced politeness

Is anyone else bothered by those who come off as overly nice, like, way too nice. Basically to the point where it seems like forced politeness and that they are not really that happy at that particular moment or just may not be that into talking to you? Just wondered if anyone has experienced this where they meet someone who seems way too nice to the point where it makes you feel uncomfortable, making you believe there is something not right about how they're speaking and acting.

Almost like they are either secretly not as happy as they are putting on or they really just don't feel like talking to you but feel obligated to do so. Does this make you uncomfortable when you encounter these people? If it's a stranger, it's enough to make you want to do them a favor and end the conversation early, which is what I do. If it's a close friend, I'll ask if everything is okay. It all depends on who it is.

I've been told by some people, usually by extremely naive extroverts that there is no such thing as being overly nice. I think it can happen. There's nothing wrong with being nice but I believe it only goes so far before it comes off as fake and makes you uncomfortable. In this scenario, I've actually quickly brought conversations to a quick end with those who act this way. Usually this person will have a smile that they will not get rid of at all and it doesn't even look natural. They may also be speaking in the same way you would talk to an infant.

Also their body language will give off the impression that something is off so I have done them a favor by going about my business and they never seem disappointed by it. If anything, they either seemed relieved or at least just unaffected. How do you respond when you run into people like this? Do you think there's a reason some people are like that? Just wondered. It can be uncomfortable and even feel a little downgrading if it's coming from someone you don't know.

Well, yeah--sure. I do think there are people who are just bright and cheerful no matter what bombs are going off around them. What their motivation exactly is, I am not sure.

I am from rural Texas and lived in Nashville for a very long time and there is certainly a cultural component to excessive cheerfulness in parts of those states--no doubt about it. You just don't find that in NYC, say, where I also lived. I also basically lived in Australia for a bit in the early 2000s and I believe Aussies are a bit like American Texans or Southerners in the same regard. They just unbelievably gregarious and friendly and it sometimes freaks people out who are not used to it. Such a your average Brit.

I try not to let it ruin my day if someone else is ridiculously gleeful. That's their deal. Maybe not taking it as a sort of personal thing and just recognizing that some people are for whatever reason super duper cheerful, even when it is not called for, maybe just acknowledging that everybody's different and some folks just act this way will help you better let it slide off your back. We're all different.

Yep,some people are truly cheerful, smiling no matter what.Once I was in a public place with a couple of my friends.We were enjoying ,taking snaps and such.I noticed a gentleman around 60 ish watching us with a wide grin and feeling happy for our enjoyment.He was sitting alone on a bench watching us.He actually crept us out.Then all of a sudden he came near and asked if we wanted him to help take a photograph of all of us together.One of us was carrying a camera and if all of us wanted to be in a single snap then some one had to take it outside from our group.But we freaked out and said no thanks.The man went back to his bench carrying the same grin.My friend thought the man was homeless and was going to ask for money after he helped us.Another friend thought the old man was stalking us and such.After sometime I noticed a young couple and young kids came running and hugged him.He was visiting this place with his family.Not a homeless or conman.So some people can be really overtly nice and content I guess.

Yeah I can see what you mean. There are cultural differences at play.

Yeah that guy came off the wrong way. I would have been creeped out too. Glad he was not up to no good after all and it was just him being overly nice to the point of being accidentally creepy.

No I am not bothered why people appear too nice and why they are this way. I don’t presume to know or speculate if they are sincere or no. Especially if people are strangers.

I wonder if you ever explored through therapy or through your own readings and musings what compels you to analyze what people do and why and what they think, especially strangers.

Yes. It's oily. Like listening to grease being pushed through a hydraulic pump

Friends are rarely if ever "oily". They know if they want something to just ask. If they beat around the bush, the answer will be No.

Agreed.

Just smile, nod my head, and think my thoughts.

I used to feel a little uneasy if people are super friendly all the time. I used to wonder how that could be possible and is the person genuine? My main issue was surely that person can’t be genuine. But I do have a friend now who is extremely happy and friendly all the time. She’s not a close friend but I’ve spent enough time with her to know she truly is a genuine person. She’s also dealing with her own struggles that she shares with me sometimes - and they are serious struggles. She recently told me that she knows people don’t always like that her personality is cheerful and happy and she doesn’t understand why. I guess I see both perspectives on this.

Geez, I am pretty friendly and nice but its genuine.

Well there is usually a reason someone may be acting a certain way to you or to a few people as opposed to others and also this is more of a general thought that came to mind. Not every single thread I create is me trying to complain and have attention. If it seems that way then I'm sorry, that definitely isn't the case. This is more for general thoughts and conversation. Most people I know actually feel turned off by overly nice people like I've described so I'm not the only one.

Yeah I agree, sometimes you just have to go with it.

Yeah it can be off putting but if your friend is genuine then that's good! And it may also help her deal with her own personal struggles.

Well that's good that you're genuine.

I also think it has to do with body language and intent. Its hard to see this sometimes. IME I can usually tell when someone it being fake nice based upon their tone, how general their nice comments are an body language or those cues or tells people give off. I usually can tell when someone doesnt like me and is just faking nice for the sake of looking good. Its almost like backhanded compliments. If someone says "Wow, you look good today" I tend to think of that as genuine because there doesnt seem to be anything prompting the compliment. At the same time I had some woman from AA ask me what kind/where I got a lipstick I was wearing. I told her and she said "its an interesting color" Now what was the point of that? It was a backhanded compliment. I know she didnt like it but she should not have said anything. Asking me about it and then throwing veiled shade was immature and a personal passive aggressive way of speaking to me about nothing.

@sarahsweets

I think you’re exactly right. Some people truly just enjoy being friendly. Even if something is going on in their life they try to stay positive. Definitely there are just some people who aren’t genuine and their friendliness is actually a little bit sinister. You gave perfect examples. We can feel
insincerity and it’s uncomfortable.

Yes exactly, I'm the same way. I can usually tell the difference between genuine politeness and forced politeness as well as backhanded compliments. And that lady at AA was very immature and unprofessional. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Exactly! Yeah there's a difference between being friendly in a genuine way and being overly friendly to the point of making others uncomfortable.

I never said you complain or want attention. I just wonder what makes you want to know those things about people, especially strangers or people you barely know. And if it is helpful for you in some ways. You don’t have to answer. Just a thought.

As about turned off, yes if someone I know well is really a mean person but act as they are nice, I’d be turned off. But if it’s a stranger or I barely know them, I don’t believe I can make assumption they are fake. I don’t see why people would be turned off by “overly” nice people. How do you determine if it’s “overly” nice?

I wonder if being uncomfortable around very friendly and nice people is something to look into...

Woman with lipstick question is just rude. I don’t even think it was veiled as politeness

Totally agree.

Oh okay. I just like to know these things both out of curiosity and also, in some cases, so I know how to deal with certain types of behaviors or situations. In terms of assuming strangers are pretending to be polite, I usually make the assumption based on tone of voice and body language, especially if they are talking to me in a certain way, like as if I was a baby, while I'll see them talking to others normally if it's a public social event. I'm comfortable around friendly people as long as it doesn't go to the point where they are treating me differently compared to others. Like I mentioned, if they're talking to me and it seems forced while they seem relaxed with anyone else they're talking to or if they're talking to me in a baby like way or have a smile that is clearly not genuine that they won't get rid of. Then I get uncomfortable.