Is my friend a emotional vampire?

I have known this friend since kindergarten.
Our parents have been friends since we meet as kids at kindergarten.
As a child I recalled she wasn't fully kind to me. I had to hang with her cause our parents were friends.
She use to call me Zandy Dummy. Zandy is my nickname.
We use to fight a lot.

Her parents broke up when she was like 2 or 3. Then her father died when she was 7.

After that at that time she once told me that my parents would break up. I said they never will. Well in that year they did.
I do wondered if she over heard some thing from her mum talking to my mum. But it was hurtful.

As we got older we grew apart and she always had one best friend for couple ofbuears and it will fall out. This happened even in high school.
At high school she use to party a lot, drink a lot, and had sex at very young age. Probably 14 maybe.
I was never invited to these parties or hang with her at school.
When I was buillrd at high school their was no support from her at all. I literally had to change schools cause these other girls kept bullying me even though teachers spoken to them etc.

When we hit in our 20's and she moved to study she kinda went down hill from there. She was flatting with her boyfriend but eventually they broke up. She told me she broke to with him because she notice if she gets bored talking to them she just cuts it off.
Also, my friend is abit stubborn\ wild. I guess she wanted to do things that her boyfriend at the time said no too.
She eventually left university cause my mum show my sister this paper study how you don't have to study in order to get a job. So she take that as fact and left. She drinked a lot, and would have sex with randmon men. She even had sex with her friend we name him Matt. Who say he was gay but she was trying to show him he is not gay by having sex with him. They would for this even with Matt's boyfriend around when he was asleep. She would smoke weed, take mushrooms.

My younger sister would hang with her. But it was more my sister was looking out for her. Like she alright. Oh night, my friend left my sister in the city and she went to have sex with some randmon man.
She still owes my sister after all these years $300. Which she probably forgotten.
She wasn't kind to my sister she would have digs at my sister saying how her hands are too big, or when she was studying was better than what my sister was studying. Other stuff.

Eventually she got with this man who was bipolar and he use to before meeting her drink blood from his pervious ex girlfriend. Cause he believed he was vampire. There was episode a couple years ago she called thebpocile cause he threat to kill himself. Tere was 4 pocile men that had to hold him down. He went to therapy a very short amount of time but stopped.

Now, she just had twins last year and live hone with her mum and her partner. The mother gave up her big room for her daughter and twins and the mother has a small room downstairs.
I believe her mother pays for most things. She looks exhausted.

Now here is my question.
When I visited her when she gave birth to her twins at hospital. I saw them and they opened their eyes. I said "aw....they are actually cute". Then my friend said "oh actually cute", I said to her "I'm sorry I didn't meant that way" she said "I know I was trying to make you feel bad". Which she said that I was shocked and my cheeks burnt up. It bothered me so much that evening I had a tummy ache.

I told my therapist she recommended to cut off with her.
The problem is my mum is friends with her mum and I knew her like ages. So I feel guitly.

I thought to giver her a chsnce so I see she asks me to come over and see her and twins once a week. Usually its at the park.

But it hit me when I visited her short time for Christmas. I went with my partner we said hi and then she gave me and my partner the twins and said we can be "baby sitters" and sat down cross her legs and smiled.
I felt responsible prevent the one twin going towards the BBQ.

Then I just visited her this week. She seemed terid because she had some boob infection. She asked me to come because her him on hpilday and her partner at work.
I brought her a birthday present cause it was her birthday in couple of days. But when it was my birthday last year she didn't got me anything or my sister even her mum didn't. They usally do since I have known them. I thought maybe it was because I didn't went to her birtday last year out of fear she might say some thing mean I be upset. So my mum went but I still brought her present to give.
But I thought doing oppositr of that might help bridge the gape. Though she didn't went to my birthday couple years ago my sister did this game board/characters to do and she was suppose to come but didn't. So my sister went over and found out she was high. My sister was massively angry and disappointed.

Anyway, when In was there it felt like In was their to help her look after the twins not friends. She said her aunt coming over she hasnt seen a while. That its good to have extra help.

Every time I see her and the twins afterwards. I feel drained, exhausted, I need to relax and recharged myself. Every time.

I just wonder if she is emotional vampire.
I am a empath which my therapist told me I am. I have heard empathy can be taken advantage.

What you think?/

[Out There]

Unfortunately some people are like this and it's very draining and toxic and affects people's self esteem , especially when they are empaths and good hearted. I would explore this more with your T , it's disturbing when we begin to pick this up and confusing. There are many YouTube videos that talk about this , just search for " Is this friendship toxic " or " Gaslighting in friendships/ relationships " Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from these situations for our own wellbeing , and have the support to do that.

[unaluna]

I think shes just an overwhelmed young mother of twins. I often read similar complaints of friendships with new mothers by their childfree friends. Here the problem is doubled since its twins, maybe more.

Originally Posted by TeaFruit

Is my friend a emotional vampire?

I have known this friend since kindergarten.
Our parents have been friends since we meet as kids at kindergarten.
As a child I recalled she wasn't fully kind to me. I had to hang with her cause our parents were friends.
She use to call me Zandy Dummy. Zandy is my nickname.
We use to fight a lot.

Her parents broke up when she was like 2 or 3. Then her father died when she was 7.

After that at that time she once told me that my parents would break up. I said they never will. Well in that year they did.
I do wondered if she over heard some thing from her mum talking to my mum. But it was hurtful.

As we got older we grew apart and she always had one best friend for couple ofbuears and it will fall out. This happened even in high school.
At high school she use to party a lot, drink a lot, and had sex at very young age. Probably 14 maybe.
I was never invited to these parties or hang with her at school.
When I was buillrd at high school their was no support from her at all. I literally had to change schools cause these other girls kept bullying me even though teachers spoken to them etc.

When we hit in our 20's and she moved to study she kinda went down hill from there. She was flatting with her boyfriend but eventually they broke up. She told me she broke to with him because she notice if she gets bored talking to them she just cuts it off.
Also, my friend is abit stubborn\ wild. I guess she wanted to do things that her boyfriend at the time said no too.
She eventually left university cause my mum show my sister this paper study how you don't have to study in order to get a job. So she take that as fact and left. She drinked a lot, and would have sex with randmon men. She even had sex with her friend we name him Matt. Who say he was gay but she was trying to show him he is not gay by having sex with him. They would for this even with Matt's boyfriend around when he was asleep. She would smoke weed, take mushrooms.

My younger sister would hang with her. But it was more my sister was looking out for her. Like she alright. Oh night, my friend left my sister in the city and she went to have sex with some randmon man.
She still owes my sister after all these years $300. Which she probably forgotten.
She wasn't kind to my sister she would have digs at my sister saying how her hands are too big, or when she was studying was better than what my sister was studying. Other stuff.

Eventually she got with this man who was bipolar and he use to before meeting her drink blood from his pervious ex girlfriend. Cause he believed he was vampire. There was episode a couple years ago she called thebpocile cause he threat to kill himself. Tere was 4 pocile men that had to hold him down. He went to therapy a very short amount of time but stopped.

Now, she just had twins last year and live hone with her mum and her partner. The mother gave up her big room for her daughter and twins and the mother has a small room downstairs.
I believe her mother pays for most things. She looks exhausted.

Now here is my question.
When I visited her when she gave birth to her twins at hospital. I saw them and they opened their eyes. I said "aw....they are actually cute". Then my friend said "oh actually cute", I said to her "I'm sorry I didn't meant that way" she said "I know I was trying to make you feel bad". Which she said that I was shocked and my cheeks burnt up. It bothered me so much that evening I had a tummy ache.

I told my therapist she recommended to cut off with her.
The problem is my mum is friends with her mum and I knew her like ages. So I feel guitly.

I thought to giver her a chsnce so I see she asks me to come over and see her and twins once a week. Usually its at the park.

But it hit me when I visited her short time for Christmas. I went with my partner we said hi and then she gave me and my partner the twins and said we can be "baby sitters" and sat down cross her legs and smiled.
I felt responsible prevent the one twin going towards the BBQ.

Then I just visited her this week. She seemed terid because she had some boob infection. She asked me to come because her him on hpilday and her partner at work.
I brought her a birthday present cause it was her birthday in couple of days. But when it was my birthday last year she didn't got me anything or my sister even her mum didn't. They usally do since I have known them. I thought maybe it was because I didn't went to her birtday last year out of fear she might say some thing mean I be upset. So my mum went but I still brought her present to give.
But I thought doing oppositr of that might help bridge the gape. Though she didn't went to my birthday couple years ago my sister did this game board/characters to do and she was suppose to come but didn't. So my sister went over and found out she was high. My sister was massively angry and disappointed.

Anyway, when In was there it felt like In was their to help her look after the twins not friends. She said her aunt coming over she hasnt seen a while. That its good to have extra help.

Every time I see her and the twins afterwards. I feel drained, exhausted, I need to relax and recharged myself. Every time.

I just wonder if she is emotional vampire.
I am a empath which my therapist told me I am. I have heard empathy can be taken advantage.

What you think?/

why is calling the twins cute wrong i do not understand

Wait what?/

I said "aw....they are actually cute". Then my friend said "oh actually cute", I said to her "I'm sorry I didn't meant that way"

What does that mean? Actually cute? And why is it wrong why you have to say sorry.

[divine1966]

“Actually” cute. Like they wouldn’t be expected to be cute. Why not just “they are cute”

She is the mother of twins. I don’t even know how she has time and energy to do anything let alone spend time with you . Lack of sleep and exhaustion must be insane. Birthday gifts is not a priority

I wouldn’t assume or worry who pays for things in her family. I’d its her mom or not. Not sure why it matters

You seem to dislike her. It’s wise to stop or minimize friendship. I see no point for you to keep seeing people you dislike

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

I said "aw....they are actually cute". Then my friend said "oh actually cute", I said to her "I'm sorry I didn't meant that way"

What does that mean? Actually cute? And why is it wrong why you have to say sorry.

The word "actually" cute didn't meant anything malevolent. I was genuine in what I meant they are cute.
She struggles in general as well to put her emotions in words like sad, shame, angry etc. So her way to make me feel bad was mainpulative and try to put flase guilt on me instead of checking the facts and asked what I meant.instead she went by a assumption.

But what I'm asking is, is she just using me? Its not a real friendship..that she just drop me like many other people she has in the past.

[Out There]

What you said was not malevolent no.

Look at what was said.

You say " Sorry , I didn't mean it that way "

She says " I KNOW , I was trying to make you feel bad "

What friend tries to make their friend feel bad?

Thank you I appercaite your comment and understanding 😊

Well exactly, who would try and do that.
My theory is she doesn't know how to express her emotions so she does this passive aggressive Commination style.

[divine1966]

I see no point in being friends with people if it causes so much frustration

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TeaFruit

Is my friend a emotional vampire?

I have known this friend since kindergarten.
Our parents have been friends since we meet as kids at kindergarten.
As a child I recalled she wasn't fully kind to me. I had to hang with her cause our parents were friends.
She use to call me Zandy Dummy. Zandy is my nickname.
We use to fight a lot.

Her parents broke up when she was like 2 or 3. Then her father died when she was 7.

After that at that time she once told me that my parents would break up. I said they never will. Well in that year they did.
I do wondered if she over heard some thing from her mum talking to my mum. But it was hurtful.

As we got older we grew apart and she always had one best friend for couple ofbuears and it will fall out. This happened even in high school.
At high school she use to party a lot, drink a lot, and had sex at very young age. Probably 14 maybe.
I was never invited to these parties or hang with her at school.
When I was buillrd at high school their was no support from her at all. I literally had to change schools cause these other girls kept bullying me even though teachers spoken to them etc.

When we hit in our 20's and she moved to study she kinda went down hill from there. She was flatting with her boyfriend but eventually they broke up. She told me she broke to with him because she notice if she gets bored talking to them she just cuts it off.
Also, my friend is abit stubborn\ wild. I guess she wanted to do things that her boyfriend at the time said no too.
She eventually left university cause my mum show my sister this paper study how you don't have to study in order to get a job. So she take that as fact and left. She drinked a lot, and would have sex with randmon men. She even had sex with her friend we name him Matt. Who say he was gay but she was trying to show him he is not gay by having sex with him. They would for this even with Matt's boyfriend around when he was asleep. She would smoke weed, take mushrooms.

My younger sister would hang with her. But it was more my sister was looking out for her. Like she alright. Oh night, my friend left my sister in the city and she went to have sex with some randmon man.
She still owes my sister after all these years $300. Which she probably forgotten.
She wasn't kind to my sister she would have digs at my sister saying how her hands are too big, or when she was studying was better than what my sister was studying. Other stuff.

Eventually she got with this man who was bipolar and he use to before meeting her drink blood from his pervious ex girlfriend. Cause he believed he was vampire. There was episode a couple years ago she called thebpocile cause he threat to kill himself. Tere was 4 pocile men that had to hold him down. He went to therapy a very short amount of time but stopped.

Now, she just had twins last year and live hone with her mum and her partner. The mother gave up her big room for her daughter and twins and the mother has a small room downstairs.
I believe her mother pays for most things. She looks exhausted.

Now here is my question.
When I visited her when she gave birth to her twins at hospital. I saw them and they opened their eyes. I said "aw....they are actually cute". Then my friend said "oh actually cute", I said to her "I'm sorry I didn't meant that way" she said "I know I was trying to make you feel bad". Which she said that I was shocked and my cheeks burnt up. It bothered me so much that evening I had a tummy ache.

I told my therapist she recommended to cut off with her.
The problem is my mum is friends with her mum and I knew her like ages. So I feel guitly.

I thought to giver her a chsnce so I see she asks me to come over and see her and twins once a week. Usually its at the park.

But it hit me when I visited her short time for Christmas. I went with my partner we said hi and then she gave me and my partner the twins and said we can be "baby sitters" and sat down cross her legs and smiled.
I felt responsible prevent the one twin going towards the BBQ.

Then I just visited her this week. She seemed terid because she had some boob infection. She asked me to come because her him on hpilday and her partner at work.
I brought her a birthday present cause it was her birthday in couple of days. But when it was my birthday last year she didn't got me anything or my sister even her mum didn't. They usally do since I have known them. I thought maybe it was because I didn't went to her birtday last year out of fear she might say some thing mean I be upset. So my mum went but I still brought her present to give.
But I thought doing oppositr of that might help bridge the gape. Though she didn't went to my birthday couple years ago my sister did this game board/characters to do and she was suppose to come but didn't. So my sister went over and found out she was high. My sister was massively angry and disappointed.

Anyway, when In was there it felt like In was their to help her look after the twins not friends. She said her aunt coming over she hasnt seen a while. That its good to have extra help.

Every time I see her and the twins afterwards. I feel drained, exhausted, I need to relax and recharged myself. Every time.

I just wonder if she is emotional vampire.
I am a empath which my therapist told me I am. I have heard empathy can be taken advantage.

What you think?/

I think she is very toxic and controlling person. I would file restraining order and call social service and the police and report her as unstable person.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I think she is very toxic and controlling person. I would file restraining order and call social service and the police and report her as unstable person.

Restraining order? She isn’t harassing anyone. In fact OP is the one going to see her weekly and during holidays. You can’t file restraining order against someone you are regularly visiting. It’s nit like this girl knocks on tea fruits door.

Call police and social service because of what? She didn’t buy someone birthday present and asked a friend to hold the baby? Police would laugh at it. You can’t be serious

[divine1966]

Re “boob infection”, is she breastfeeding or was breastfeeding? I had mastitis when I breast fed, it’s pretty horrible. It hurts to high heaven and I also had fever. Not surprised she was tired and maybe even wanted help. I don’t see how it’s so unacceptable. But again stop being friends then if you don’t like her

I think you are putting yourself in a situation with someone who has hurt you a lot over the years. It does not sound like you two are a good match for friends.

You said you feel guilty cutting her out because your parents are friends. Work on this issue with your therapist. You shouldn't feel guilty. Though I understand why you would especially if you are drawn to certain patterns in relationships and have low self esteem.

You're allowed to distance yourself from this person.

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I think you are putting yourself in a situation with someone who has hurt you a lot over the years. It does not sound like you two are a good match for friends.

You said you feel guilty cutting her out because your parents are friends. Work on this issue with your therapist. You shouldn't feel guilty. Though I understand why you would especially if you are drawn to certain patterns in relationships and have low self esteem.

You're allowed to distance yourself from this person.

Thank you.
Yeah, I guess I felt guilty because one time she needed my help because her mum went on holiday. So I said I would. But at that time I wasnt mentally well. I was still dealing with sucidie thoughts and going to group therapy as well as individual therapy.
So I sent her a message and use the skills I learnt how to express yourself etc. She was cool with it. I did told her mum as well. Her mum never responded. Which I thought was very odd.
I recalled going to visit her with my partner because I experience social anxiety and don't have ftoends so I thought it be good opposite action. It went good but it was more like looking after the twins.
Then her mum message me out of no were saying thanks for visiting.

So I don't known if the false sense of guilt by the way the daughter my "Friend " and through mother treated me cause that.

The mother does a lot for through daughter and seems to be a very overbearing mother over my friend kids.

Also I don't have any friends so I guess that's why I hang with her. In thought it be good for me to socailse. But I guess its not of they are toxic.

It does sound like you and this woman are not compatible as friends and were pushed together because both of your mothers were friends. That happens quite frequently with children all the time.

I don't think you need to file a restraining order against her. I do think you need to take into consideration that your friend just had two babies and is probably physically and mentally exhausted which is normal for new mothers. It does seem like you don't really like her to begin with. I would talk with your therapist more about how to deal with this awkward situation. Perhaps distancing yourself from this woman is what you need to do, and hopefully your mother will understand and support it despite her friendship with the friend and her mother.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I think she is very toxic and controlling person. I would file restraining order and call social service and the police and report her as unstable person.

Restraining order? For what? The OP goes to see her. If the OP is continuously feeling uncomfortable with this person, the solution is pretty easy; stop continuing to interact with this person.