[asylumgardens]

My friend always tells me I can talk to her and stuff, but I know it's frustrating for her. I hate myself.. so much. She tries to tell me that she doesn't really understand why and tells me things she does like, etc., but I don't know. I think it's probably annoying that I just go on hating myself when she tries to show me there's no reason to. I can't just change my opinion about myself that fast, though.

Another thing is that I've hurt myself a lot in the past (cutting, drug abuse), and I did it again last night but I didn't tell her until after I was done with it and then I passed out afterwards so I didn't even really "talk" to her about it.. and I'm going to have to face it today and I'm nervous. I think she is probably mad at me for not telling her before I did it so she could have helped, but at the same time I think that whenever I complain about being depressed/suicidal I think I am annoying her.. because those conversations tend to be very selfish on my part and now it feels like I'm just.. I don't know.. I'm not going to kill myself no matter how suicidal I get, so I don't know why I should bother talking about it since I feel like I'm burdening and annoying her.

I just don't really know how to approach talking to her today.. any advice?

[GoodMama]

(((((((Sarah))))))) I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's a miserable feeling and you deserve to be happy. You've shown a lot of strength by coming here to your friends. You KNOW that ... somewhere inside you KNOW you're stronger and <u>better</u> than whoever abused you!

I was reading a thread on SI ... "Reasons Not to ..." ... and I think it would help you to read the posts there. Really read them, Sarah, and think about what these people have written. The comments that hit me the most were things like, "One of my reasons [not to] is that if I continue my abuser wins. he felt all I was worth was to be his object to hurt and so on, my hurting myself is giving him what he wanted." and " I think I'll show them, but when you really think about it, does it make sense that you were hurt so now you should be hurt more?"

Please, please do NOT let your abuser win! TRY to explain to your friend what's going on in your head. I know it's difficult for you to trust anyone ... trust is a major problem with my daughter, too, BUT you have to start somewhere IF you want to be better? It sounds to me like your friend is an excellent place to start.

SHE has stuck by you, SHE wants what's best for you, SHE has asked you over and over to explain why you feel the way you do, SHE <u>believes</u> you are a good person. So I ask you, WHY would she do and ask these things? Because she wants to hurt you more? Because she thinks you're a lost cause? Because she thinks you're annoying her with all your problems? Do you actually believe that?

It's very difficult for those of us who do not have your problems to truly understand how your head works. That's why I came to these forums in the first place ... so I could learn to help my (newest adopted adult) daughter. She's finally told me all her deep, dark "secrets" and I didn't run. She's learning to trust me ... it's a slow process, but everyone has to start somewhere. Please consider starting your healing process with your friend!

TRY your best to explain what's going on in your head. Maybe show her the forums and let her read some of the posts here if you can't put your own feelings into words yet. Don't toss her away like garbage so you can continue to wallow in depression. TRY to let her help!

((((((((Sarah))))))) Take a deep breath, now another. The first step is going to be the most difficult ... all the others will be a little easier. And remember, God never gives us more than we can handle, so SHE must think you're a strong person! If GOD thinks you're strong, can you really argue with HER? Can you?

Trying to be a GoodMama

[asylumgardens]

Thank you so much. I did talk to her and I was truthful about what I did, and I guess I realize how much she cares about me. i told her about how I feel annoying and everything and she assured me I'm not and she'd rather have me alive and complaining to her than dead and her not having a chance to help me. Also, I wasn't really abused.. I was sexually assaulted, almost raped, but i guess that's the same thing. it just wasn't anything chronic or anything.

[GoodMama]

You're more than welcome ... and I'm proud of you for having the strength to trust your friend. I'm sure it was difficult ... but the first step always is, Sarah. The good thing about taking that one is the next and the next are easier!

OF COURSE, she'd rather have a crazy <u>live</u> friend than a crazy dead one! I had to drum that into my daughter's brain, too ... and I finally got thru after nearly a year. When she shared the last of her deep, dark "secrets" and I didn't use it as an excuse to run, well, that clinched it. Now she's sure of me ... just as you will become more and more sure of your friend. Feels good to have gotten that off your chest, doesn't it? (((((Sarah)))))

I'm not sure there are "degrees" of abuse. Wouldn't that be similar to being a little bit pregnant? :-) I wasn't raped, there wasn't any penetration, and I had the best Mom in the whole world to tell when it happened. She believed me, then she went about comforting me, and assuring me it wouldn't happen again. I was still sexually abused even tho I didn't have flashbacks of it until 20-some years later.

We're all different ... some of us are lucky that the hurt and pain of abuse wasn't that hard to handle, some of us are traumatized by it. That doesn't mean one of us is better than the other! "There, but for the grace of God, go I." If the abuse affects you, then it does ... and when it does, people find different avenues to handle it. You get depressed and SI. I tend to gloss over the details now that it's out of my brain and doesn't affect my love life. That doesn't mean one of us is better than the other!

I'm very proud of you, Sarah! You were brave and strong to tell your friend about your problems. You've taken a giant first step in your road to recovery ... you trusted. WTG! Keep up the good work ... and let me know if I can help you, even though I'm still learning to be a

Good Mama

[youOme]

It does get frustrating when a person you adore doesn't believe what you say. Just be sure to consider what she does say because there's a large possibility that she is being honest, after all she's your friend for a reason. It's not that she is annoyed by your conversations about depression neither, she probably feels that since you don't believe her that there ain't nothing she can say or do...no matter how hard she tries.

[Ocean13]

Give your friend the benefit of doubt. She always wants to be there for you. She wants the very best for you. But try to remember she too may be dealing with her own issues. It might become hard on her sometimes to hear about your problems and she needs someone to lean on..however, she may not want to lean on your adding to your burdens. This doesn't mean stop talking to her. But to find a way to talk that let's her know you aren't expecting her to fix all the problems too. Take an hour a day or a day during the week to take her for coffee or something and tell her this date is all about her. It's her chance because she's always there for you. I know it's hard to find a way to do this. A good friend will understand and be there for you.

Peace & Love

Ocean

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asylumgardens said:
My friend always tells me I can talk to her and stuff, but I know it's frustrating for her. I hate myself.. so much. She tries to tell me that she doesn't really understand why and tells me things she does like, etc., but I don't know. I think it's probably annoying that I just go on hating myself when she tries to show me there's no reason to. I can't just change my opinion about myself that fast, though.

Another thing is that I've hurt myself a lot in the past (cutting, drug abuse), and I did it again last night but I didn't tell her until after I was done with it and then I passed out afterwards so I didn't even really "talk" to her about it.. and I'm going to have to face it today and I'm nervous. I think she is probably mad at me for not telling her before I did it so she could have helped, but at the same time I think that whenever I complain about being depressed/suicidal I think I am annoying her.. because those conversations tend to be very selfish on my part and now it feels like I'm just.. I don't know.. I'm not going to kill myself no matter how suicidal I get, so I don't know why I should bother talking about it since I feel like I'm burdening and annoying her.

I just don't really know how to approach talking to her today.. any advice?

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