Troubled by a sibling relationship.

Last month, on my birthday, I received a big, beautiful floral arrangement from one of my sisters. It was a very expensive-looking bouquet. I live thousands of miles away from my family of origin. One of my sisters keeps in close touch. We talk for hours on the phone a few times every month. We confide freely in one another. The flashy bouquet was not from her. It was from my other sister. My "other sister" shows much less interest in keeping in touch . . . and I'm not sure how I feel about getting fancy flowers from her. It seems a slightly odd gift to get from a sister. What do you think, anyone?

Over ten years ago, our widowed father was falling into declining health. I'm the eldest. He wished I was closer, but I wasn't. Plus my S.O. had very serious health issues, so I couldn't fly back to where he and my sisters were all that often. I encouraged him to make "other sister" his P.O.A. which he did. She's well-educated, responsible and experienced in handling real estate and dealing with involved financial matters. (The sister I'm closer with lives paycheck-to-paycheck on a waistress's wages.)

So "other sister" handled my father's affairs capably. She also pursued her own interest a bit more assiduously than I had expected. When my father died, "other sister" was the heir of most of what he had.) I was shocked to find that baby-sister, the waitress, had been disinherited. (I got a good-sized, financial asset that my father had promised me, so I was not especially disappointed.) But I was kind of horrified and heart-broken at what one sister did to the other. I'm unmarried and childless, so being on good terms with all my siblings means the world to me.

That "other sister" had such a wide greedy streak truly surprised me, but that wasn't the worst thing. At the time that all this came down, "other sister" started accusing everyone of not being nice to her. I guess she had to rationalize what she was doing, so she painted herself as "the victim." She started accusing me of having been mean to her on this, that and the other occasion. Her examples were laughable, but she cited them. (Like she claimed that I once said that my dog was my best friend and that she was highly offended that I put my dog higher than her.) (I never said any such thing, but who gets jealous of a person's regard for their dog?) I just did not react and tried to keep the peace.

Then a year or two after my father died, she started sending me expensive birthday gifts. (For years my siblings and I were not in the habit of exchanging gifts on birthdats.) She started making flattering remarks to me about what a good person I was. I was so relieved that the bad feelings she displayed around the time of my father's passing seemed to have evaporated.

Something's not right though. I texted her that the flowers were lovely and "thanks so much for thinking of me." (She prefers exchanging texts to talking with me on the phone.) But a part of me wants to say, "Why?!" I don't understand how, 13 years ago, I was accused of offending her and not appreciating her. Then, a year or two later, I'm worthy of these lavish gifts on my birthday. I don't get it. At my father's wake and funeral she was barely speaking to me. I did absolutely nothing to deserve her cold shoulder then. I don't know what I've done right since.

I'm glad she got over her prolonged snit-fit that she took 13 years ago. But the way she acted toward and talked to me then was extremely hurtful. It was about the most hurtful thing I've ever experienced. At the time, I refused to react to any of her mean behavior. I just let that stuff pass. I was so afraid of making things worse. In a way, my strategy worked. Now she sends these pricey presents, like we have this great relationship. But I was very hurt, and I still am. I need her to take some sliver of responsibility for being a real poop-head back when she was. Otherwise, this nicey, nicey stuff seems like phoney baloney. I don't want to continue in this charade of sisterly devotion with someone who was that hurtful of me. She's the self-righteous type who can never admit being wrong. I tell myself that maybe, these presents are the closest she can get to trying to take back her mean comments made back then.

I tell myself to just let go of an old hurt. But I've been doing that for 13 years, and the wound doesn't really heal. We live far apart, and we really don't have that much to do with each other. It can stay the way it is, without me being being much inconvenienced. In life you don't always get closure on every upsetting experience. I don't go around feeling I have to extract an apology out of everyone who ruffles my feathers. However, the way she treated me back then felt like a knife close to my heart. I'm sick of pretending that nothing very wrong happened.

One day soon, my S.O. will come to the end of his long struggle with severe health problems. I'll be back where we both came from for his funeral. My sisters will make gestures of sympathy and offer condolences toward me. I'll welcome that from one of my sisters. But, from my "other sister," I'll think it's just sort of fake. It's awful to have this old hurt souring things still. I wish I had taken her to task on it way back when it was going on. I was so afraid of precipitating a permanent rift. That's what I'm maddest over - that she made me feel so afraid. I walked on eggshells 13 years ago because I was so afraid. Having no children, I felt like I had to let any insult go by, so I wouldn't end up isolated in my old age. I'm older now and not so afraid. I'm not so afraid of growing old alone. I fee like telling her that.

What would anyone suggest?