[LilyQueen2020]

Hi Friends, so I'm so lost and confused and need help. I was with my ex partner for many years. It was great for the most part but there were re-ocurring problems throughout. My ex had mental health issues, binge drink and he wouldn't hold down a job. I was blinded by love and I though he was a good person underneath. I became pregnant and my partner came off his meds so he could get feel more motivated to work etc. We clashed over everything. I was so frustrated because I was so heavily pregnant, sick and working over 40 hours a week up to 8.5 months pregnant. I did become very mean to him, which I regret now. We had our baby which was filled with drama as the night before my partner came home drunk as a skunk. Then our son was 2 months old and he disappeared drinking. I had enough. I locked him out to go get help but instead he ran off with another woman. He has been with her over a year now and has completely abandoned our son. While he was with her we were intimate a few times but he hinted he still loved me and he wanted our family back. He lied of course. Ha was hacked all my social media he even tried this week to get into my snapchat. He moved this woman in with his parents after only 3 months. I feel so used, betrayed and low in myself. Was I really worth so little? What has this woman got that that I don't have? Why is she so much more important that our son. Please help friends. Love to you all.

[Have Hope]

Oh dear. Your first mistake here is placing FAR too much value on what this LOSER thinks and feels towards you. And YES, he is a good for nothing LOSER. Good riddance! VALUE YOURSELF too much to even care what he thinks. Seems to me like a low self esteem issue that you have to contend with here.

You did yourself a huge favor by getting rid of this most toxic person. Secondly, you made the mistake of being intimate with him again and allowing him near you after kicking him out. Not judging, I've done the same before too,, so I'm not throwing stones here.

Please know that his relationship with this other woman will be just as unhealthy and toxic as YOURS was with him. And that is because he is most TOXIC.

Do yourself another favor, and work on building your self esteem and self worth back up. You need to know your true worth and to know that you deserve far better than him.

And if he abandoned your son? Perhaps your son is better off without growing up witnessing alcoholism and a toxic relationship. Think of it from that perspective. And his priorities are obviously seriously screwed up. HE is royally screwed up. Again, good riddance.

Hugs to you.

psL just because someone has mental health issues does not excuse them for bad and poor behaviors.

[*Beth*]

Sounds hauntingly similar to a relationship I was in during a time when my husband and I had split up. The only difference was that I lost the baby 1/2 way through the pregnancy. I truly believe the extreme stress I was under played a part in the miscarriage.

Finally, one night when he came home drunk and loaded (he was using meth and heroin - I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him) I gathered my pets, a few (very few) items and left. Done, done, done.

I never saw him again, never spoke with him again. I moved to a different town. It's been 5 years - finally peace.

I heard from old friends that he was homeless and addicted for 3 years, but has finally gotten into rehab and has an apartment to live in. He has also been dx'ed with bipolar disorder and is on meds. Good for him. I wish him well - from a long distance. I will never speak with, or see him, again.

If you're serious, and if you truly want to keep yourself safe and healthy, you will need to break off all connections with your scummy ex. Seriously. If you don't, you're as messed up and he is - and no one wants to be messed up like that, do they?

[Open Eyes]

Binge alcoholics tend to put their partners into THEIR cycle of drinking pattern. They can be loving and caring for a while and then go out and binge believing it's ok to do so. As time goes on they gradually get worse. Their true priority is "the alcohol escape" and that gradually gets worse over time. They do not know how to care and respect, yet because they CAN be caring and loving it can really feel like "underneath is a good person".

Honestly, it's really better for you to cut him out of your life, it's even better for your little son too. Your baby needs a mommy that can feel safe and give him healthy love, not a mommy who is constantly stressed due to the dad being a binge alcoholic she can't really depend on. This is certainly not because you are unlovable or that anything is wrong with you. This has to do with your husband who is more about his binge alcoholism that will get worse over time and how that is a priority to him.

[~Christina]

Contact a lawyer and get child support set up. If he is still drinking or drugs .... well you can petition he’s not safe for the child to be near.

Do not beat yourself up. You wanted him to be a good man... HE decided to be a sucky human being.

Be kind to yourself

[sarahsweets]

Let this guy go and try not to figure him out. He is an alcoholic and selfish. Try and get a lawyer to take him to court for child support. Go to the police about stalking since he hacked you.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by LilyQueen2020

Hi Friends, so I'm so lost and confused and need help. I was with my ex partner for many years. It was great for the most part but there were re-ocurring problems throughout. My ex had mental health issues, binge drink and he wouldn't hold down a job. I was blinded by love and I though he was a good person underneath. I became pregnant and my partner came off his meds so he could get feel more motivated to work etc. We clashed over everything. I was so frustrated because I was so heavily pregnant, sick and working over 40 hours a week up to 8.5 months pregnant. I did become very mean to him, which I regret now. We had our baby which was filled with drama as the night before my partner came home drunk as a skunk. Then our son was 2 months old and he disappeared drinking. I had enough. I locked him out to go get help but instead he ran off with another woman. He has been with her over a year now and has completely abandoned our son. While he was with her we were intimate a few times but he hinted he still loved me and he wanted our family back. He lied of course. Ha was hacked all my social media he even tried this week to get into my snapchat. He moved this woman in with his parents after only 3 months. I feel so used, betrayed and low in myself. Was I really worth so little? What has this woman got that that I don't have? Why is she so much more important that our son. Please help friends. Love to you all.

Take him to court for child support and force him to have supervised visitation and be tested for alcohol before he allowed to see your son and file a restraining order against the woman he with. She has nothing that you don't have except for the loser.

[kitkat620]

i was in a similar relationship with a drinker and womanizer. it lasted for 20 years. my advise to you would be cut off all contact now and move on. start building a loving life with your child accepting the fact that this man will never be a good father to your child.

if you let it, this could go on for years with him coming and going out of yours and your childs life.

believe me, i know. my whole marriage was based on hope. hope that he would change. hope that he would eventually choose me. hope that he would be a good father to our son. my peace came when i finally had the courage to ask him to leave. it's been over 5 years now and we have become very good friends. he hasn't changed much, but that is no longer my problem. don't waste 20 years of your life waiting.

[Fuzzybear]