[Aviza]

Ok so I'm dating a guy I'm not attracted to. He looks good as far as compatibility on paper, he's very sweet to me. My arms worker said he'd be a healthy relationship, one of my goals.

But I'm attracted to the married guy, whose bad for me on every level. And because of our differences I wouldn't want to marry him anyway.

But I can't date two guys forever it's not fair to the good guy whose really into me. I'm really trying to give him a chance but i can't seem to let go of married guy. Even though he's married which used to stop me. I don't know if it's just the forbidden fruit. Or what but logically i don't want him. But emotionally we click.

[divine1966]

You click with all these wrong men because you are attracted to unhealthy dynamics. All this “special” chemistry has no meaning.

Plus unfaithful married men don’t date or have relationships with random women. That’s what they have their wives for: relationship and dating or what not. They are looking for sex on a side, that’s it. Don’t stoop to that level

Give it some time with a guy you aren’t attracted to. See if you can become friends if he is a good guy. Maybe attraction will come later. Focus on human qualities and his character. Not on sex

[Have Hope]

Why bother with a married man? It cannot go anywhere. For me, physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship, but that can differ from person to person. Attraction can also change and grow over time. I agree with Divine. Focus on character and the quality of the person's character traits and personality foremost.

[divine1966]

I’d say if you date few months but don’t even feel like holding his hand then there is no attraction and time to move on.

But if it’s been only few dates, it might still grow.

Attraction is important but it’s not always immediate. And sometimes when it’s immediate it is for a wrong reason, your body reacts to unhealthy familiar dynamics

[MsLady]

Maybe you're not attracted to this new guy because you're distracted by the married one.

Years ago I was really attracted to a neighbour of mine. Nothing came of it because he was in a relationship with another woman. Then one day he asked me for my number and made mention he was single again. Unfortunately, I had just started dating someone new so our timing was really off. We hung out as friends a couple of times but because my heart was set for my new person (whom I eventually married), nothing materialized between us. I was no longer attracted to him. Then when my marriage ended, we ran into each other. Once again I found him extremely attractive.. but, he had moved away, gotten married, and had children. Boy, what a BIG mistake on my part. He was super nice and really wanted to settle down with someone and start a family. I later ran into his mom who told me that he had really liked me and were both sad it didn't work out between us. Now here I am in another sh!tty situation.

My point is, maybe you just need to get married man out of your head and give this new guy a real chance. Don't compare the two. Married man is just a self-fulfilling fantasy of being wanted by a man who has another. It's a competition for you. Stay present and be with the one you're with. If you're truly not attracted to him, move on.

[bpforever1]

I would give the guy who is compatible with you a chance. I like a married man too and don't want to get married to him. We have a decent online relationship but have not met yet. I realize he likes me for me and accepts me despite my illness which is a bonus for me. He is good to me but realize he can never be totally with me. This is ok by me. However, it seems you want a full-fledged relationship with someone who cares about you and can be there for you. You said you wanted to get married again in another thread. If this is the case, don't bother with the married man. Married men priorities belong to their families. I like the married man I communicate with on a daily basis because he listens to me and gives me advice. He is a good friend to me. However, it sounds like your married man is not so. He is not a friend to you. He just wants you physically. This is not good. My married man wants the best for me and tells me so. This is in regards to my family and my job. I don't know what your married man is providing for you besides just physical attraction. As a result, it would be best to leave your married man alone. Do as the others say and be with someone who cares about you and can be with you emotionally, mentally, as well as physically. Best wishes!!

Yeah, maybe try being friends with the nice guy. Maybe attraction will come later. Forget the guy who is married. That's unhealthy, immoral, etc. you know this.


I know that in the past you've been in a hurry to find a relationship with someone, but consider slowing down. Consider taking care of yourself and your emotional pain, and finding good healthy coping skills for yourself, instead of dating, before you put yourself out there.


What divine said about you being attracted to unhealthy dynamics, she could be on to something. That can take a while to break that pattern, cycle, etc. It can be done though. Just give yourself some time.

[AzulOscuro]

I would let know the single guy that you don’t feel attracted to him. He has the right to find someone who really feels for him.

[sarahsweets]

How do you think his wife would feel about this?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'd say You need to forget the married guy as it simply cannot work out. If You Don't feel like You can do that, perhaps it's Time to see a Therapist or talk to Him/Her about ALL of this! Definitely give it a Thought. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Aviza, your Family, your Friends, these two Guys You like and ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!