This is for me. (not about anybody on pc)


Dear bully,

Yeah, you. The one who always has to be right, the one who wouldn't respect my boundaries when we were "friends." The manipulative one. The one who projects their issues onto everyone else. The one in need of intense therapy, the mean one. Yeah, you.


I see you . You are scared, sad, and you are angry with anyone who doesn't agree with you or make you feel like the "dominant" one. It is very funny (in a genuine comical way) how nice you think you are. Compassion and consideration, I'm not sure you've actually looked up the definitions.


I'm not the only one. There are others (many) who you have been mean to because they have been honest with you about how you treat people, because they have said "no" to you and that angered you, because they were good people and you couldn't handle it and took it as a threat, because you were bored and needed something to do and didn't have the skills to do something healthy that would serve you well.


It is interesting how much time you've dedicated to lying, building up your facade, and bullying. I...feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for any bully that exists in the world.


I have caught wind of your life, and hear it's horrible. You hate your job, you're in an abusive relationship, you spend your time hurting others, and hating others.


My wish for you, bully, yeah, you, bully...is that your life gets better, starting with you. I wish for you to get therapy. I wish for you to apologize to all the people you hate on. I wish for you self awareness, humility, and love (I'm not sure you've ever known it).


Sincerely,


A strong and healthy person and one of the many you have tried to bully

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

This is for me. (not about anybody on pc)


Dear bully,

Yeah, you. The one who always has to be right, the one who wouldn't respect my boundaries when we were "friends." The manipulative one. The one who projects their issues onto everyone else. The one in need of intense therapy, the mean one. Yeah, you.


I see you . You are scared, sad, and you are angry with anyone who doesn't agree with you or make you feel like the "dominant" one. It is very funny (in a genuine comical way) how nice you think you are. Compassion and consideration, I'm not sure you've actually looked up the definitions.


I'm not the only one. There are others (many) who you have been mean to because they have been honest with you about how you treat people, because they have said "no" to you and that angered you, because they were good people and you couldn't handle it and took it as a threat, because you were bored and needed something to do and didn't have the skills to do something healthy that would serve you well.


It is interesting how much time you've dedicated to lying, building up your facade, and bullying. I...feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for any bully that exists in the world.


I have caught wind of your life, and hear it's horrible. You hate your job, you're in an abusive relationship, you spend your time hurting others, and hating others.


My wish for you, bully, yeah, you, bully...is that your life gets better, starting with you. I wish for you to get therapy. I wish for you to apologize to all the people you hate on. I wish for you self awareness, humility, and love (I'm not sure you've ever known it).


Sincerely,


A strong and healthy person and one of the many you have tried to bully

That sounds like what I want to say to my cyber bullies.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

This is for me. (not about anybody on pc)


Dear bully,

Yeah, you. The one who always has to be right, the one who wouldn't respect my boundaries when we were "friends." The manipulative one. The one who projects their issues onto everyone else. The one in need of intense therapy, the mean one. Yeah, you.


I see you . You are scared, sad, and you are angry with anyone who doesn't agree with you or make you feel like the "dominant" one. It is very funny (in a genuine comical way) how nice you think you are. Compassion and consideration, I'm not sure you've actually looked up the definitions.


I'm not the only one. There are others (many) who you have been mean to because they have been honest with you about how you treat people, because they have said "no" to you and that angered you, because they were good people and you couldn't handle it and took it as a threat, because you were bored and needed something to do and didn't have the skills to do something healthy that would serve you well.


It is interesting how much time you've dedicated to lying, building up your facade, and bullying. I...feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for any bully that exists in the world.


I have caught wind of your life, and hear it's horrible. You hate your job, you're in an abusive relationship, you spend your time hurting others, and hating others.


My wish for you, bully, yeah, you, bully...is that your life gets better, starting with you. I wish for you to get therapy. I wish for you to apologize to all the people you hate on. I wish for you self awareness, humility, and love (I'm not sure you've ever known it).


Sincerely,


A strong and healthy person and one of the many you have tried to bully

This is a beautiful and brave letter! I think we have all been subject to someone like your bully before, and I think writing this letter and putting it out there (not to your bully but just speaking the words of your own courage and peace) will help you heal. I think there is a great deal of healing that comes from speaking how we feel, letting it out, and knowing it does not define or control us.

Good for you!

[Open Eyes]

The thing about bullies and narcissists and drama queens is that no matter how much therapy they get, you can't make them "care". The only reality that matters is THEIR OWN. And they DO like to create their own reality and have no problem lying and pretending they are more important than they really are. If you hand them information all they do is use it to empower themselves and put down any person they consider a threat to their gaining all the attention and praise and power and control or "feed". They are basically "users". And they are superficial, they don't really have the ability to be "genuine". You are only wonderful as long as you service THEIR NEEDS and service THEIR ego and follow THEIR rules and you are there to be used and THAT'S ALL. It's always all about THEIR security, not yours. If you dare to object to that YOU are always going to be the crazy one. That's why NO letter or SPEECH will have any affect on them other than making them angry where they go on their smear campaign. They are already masters at DEFLECTION.

You will not get anything from them, ofcourse they are in need of using for a feed. Yet, with what you did write, as seesaw so nicely stated, you will get the genuine sympathy from others who themselves experienced an individual like you are describing.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

The thing about bullies and narcissists and drama queens is that no matter how much therapy they get, you can't make them "care". The only reality that matters is THEIR OWN. And they DO like to create their own reality and have no problem lying and pretending they are more important than they really are. If you hand them information all they do is use it to empower themselves and put down any person they consider a threat to their gaining all the attention and praise and power and control or "feed". They are basically "users". And they are superficial, they don't really have the ability to be "genuine". You are only wonderful as long as you service THEIR NEEDS and service THEIR ego and follow THEIR rules and you are there to be used and THAT'S ALL. It's always all about THEIR security, not yours. If you dare to object to that YOU are always going to be the crazy one. That's why NO letter or SPEECH will have any affect on them other than making them angry where they go on their smear campaign. They are already masters at DEFLECTION.


You will not get anything from them, ofcourse they are in need of using for a feed. Yet, with what you did write, as seesaw so nicely stated, you will get the genuine sympathy from others who themselves experienced an individual like you are describing.

Yes, bullies rarely acknowledge their own behavior and they rarely recognize their own behavior when confronted with it. But this is about speaking our own truth and acknowledging our own feelings. My abuser was a bully and he'll never acknowledge what he did in the slightest but naming it for what it was and speaking my truth to others has helped me heal.

[ARaven0137]

I have seen and experienced a fair share of workplace bullies and they all had an overwhelming lack of introspection in knowing, understanding or even caring how their behavior affected others. It was always all about them. I joked about one who I wrote about in work gripes. For "normal" people, if you have an issue with one or two people, it could be a bad day or just personality, but for a bully, if they have a problem with 20, 30 or more people, it's all of them who is at fault. Never do they ever think, hey, maybe I need to change how I behave.

Only external force or the threat of force will get them to behave and only while that hangs over them. They thrive under weak leadership where they will not be held accountable for their unacceptable behavior.

That was a wonderful letter that you wrote and I think you hit that person's issues right on the head. Having a good support network like the one here is so critical to surviving that toxicity.

[celticlonghouse]

I feel you. I don’t know that I have any advice, but can share my experience. I once worked in Louisiana for a sure fire cocky narcissist. He was good technically, and loved fraternizing with the higher ups. He wouldn’t hesitate to embarrass you in public. I once saw him and his buddy walk up to a guy at work during lunch and take food off the guys plate and they laughed about it. And it’s not like he was consistently an @$$hole, but was all over the map. I’ve been working in industry for 30 years and this guy was by far the worst boss and worst human I have ever known.

So, I prayed...a lot. Something like this: Lord I pray you’d change his heart. Give him a reason to see the damage he’s doing. Let him use his power and talent constructively. Work a mighty work within him- if it is your will to do so. But if it is not your will that he change, please Lord CRUSH him with your wrath and free us from his tyranny.

Over 18 months I worked for this scum bag. When I finally shared my concerns (in confidence to HR or so I thought) my boss demoted me to another department (but pay and benefits stayed the same). Then, all at once in the summer of 2009, the place where I worked announced the facility was closing. Dude was transferred out of state and I found a job making 25% more in Tn with a top 10 company and a super, super culture.

Life’s just too short to live misery. I probably should have acted sooner, but the situation taught me a lesson. And by the way, I can’t prove it but I know in my heart prayer works. Maybe what you ask for doesn’t play out like you think it should, or exactly like you want it, but in my situation, I wound up WAY better off than I ever expected to.

Everyone who has written, thank you so much for sharing your own stories, experiences, and support. It means a lot. I'm touched, and I also hear you guys. Thank you for letting ME (and all here) witness your own experiences.

I do not really know if my bully will change. I'm not holding my breath though. I've booted this person from my life. It would be fantastic if they changed. But I know we can't change anyone, nor do I want to be involved with them to try to "help."

I take solace in not being a bully, myself. I'm proud of how I interact w others and feel I have integrity, can admit when I'm wrong etc.

And yes, like seesaw said, its empowering to name a bully's behavior for what it is. Its healing.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I do not really know if my bully will change. I'm not holding my breath though. I've booted this person from my life. It would be fantastic if they changed. But I know we can't change anyone, nor do I want to be involved with them to try to "help.".

It's more likely that your bully would gaslight you if they read this or try to blame it all on you.

It's good that you know the boundaries and know better than to try and "help" them. They likely do need help, but they need to get it from someone else. Allow we can do is hope or pray for them that they seek help for their problems. Bullies are usually taking their issues out on others. So hopefully they eventually seek help and see their behaviors and change them so they dont hurt others anymore. But don't hold your breath for an apology. Lol.

[ARaven0137]

Originally Posted by celticlonghouse

I feel you. I don’t know that I have any advice, but can share my experience. I once worked in Louisiana for a sure fire cocky narcissist. He was good technically, and loved fraternizing with the higher ups. He wouldn’t hesitate to embarrass you in public. I once saw him and his buddy walk up to a guy at work during lunch and take food off the guys plate and they laughed about it. And it’s not like he was consistently an @$$hole, but was all over the map. I’ve been working in industry for 30 years and this guy was by far the worst boss and worst human I have ever known.

So, I prayed...a lot. Something like this: Lord I pray you’d change his heart. Give him a reason to see the damage he’s doing. Let him use his power and talent constructively. Work a mighty work within him- if it is your will to do so. But if it is not your will that he change, please Lord CRUSH him with your wrath and free us from his tyranny.

Over 18 months I worked for this scum bag. When I finally shared my concerns (in confidence to HR or so I thought) my boss demoted me to another department (but pay and benefits stayed the same). Then, all at once in the summer of 2009, the place where I worked announced the facility was closing. Dude was transferred out of state and I found a job making 25% more in Tn with a top 10 company and a super, super culture.

Life’s just too short to live misery. I probably should have acted sooner, but the situation taught me a lesson. And by the way, I can’t prove it but I know in my heart prayer works. Maybe what you ask for doesn’t play out like you think it should, or exactly like you want it, but in my situation, I wound up WAY better off than I ever expected to.

It is a true blessing that your prayers were answered. As I have always learned, those prayers may not be answered in the way that you asked for, but something will happen.

A good supervisor in a good culture can make all the difference in the world. Conversely, a bad one in a bad culture can make the best job undoable.

When I did my thesis on workplace bullying there was this, kiss up, kick down phenomena in which the bully ingratiates him/herself with the higher ups while brutalizing the staff. It is a sad thing that this works and bullies insulate themselves from consequences. Meanwhile, talent votes with its feet and leaves in droves.

[celticlonghouse]

Oops, a post to the wrong place.