Is it rude to want my GM to close?

Ruby, I can see that you want to understand why specific behaviors are viewed as negative in the workplace. What I don't see you doing is learning from past wrongs that you have committed and from past behaviors that get you into trouble. I don't believe that you are actually asking or working with your counselor or job placement supervisor on how to behave more professionally in the work environment. The same kind of problems keep happening over and over again. Are you working with a counselor on any of the issues you face at work?

3and 5 years olds do something you seem to consciously refuse to do. They learn! They get told that behavior is wrong and they STOP doing it. You however want no responsibility for your behavior and continue to repeat rude and obnoxious behavior then fall back on, I didn't know, nobody told me. Quite a lot of people have told you. Perhaps your parents should take away all your adult toys until you decide to grow up. No more car, no more money( what 3 year old has money?) no staying up, no watching whatever you want to watch, no going out of the house alone. Etc terrible to put your parents in that position

Ruby does have a disorder that makes social interactions difficult.

Ruby please do try to follow what we suggest and talk to your therapist about all these Issues on a regular basis

Ruby has Asperger's, which does make things more difficult socially for her.

She uses that to stay stuck and refusing to accept responsibility. She's like the boy who cried wolf, she's done it too many times

Ruby has autism spectrum disorder. I don’t think she is using it. That’s not a fair comment

Having said that, if she wants to stay in a work force versus going on to full disability, she needs to keep on improving. I command her for always working even if part time. Many people don’t make that effort.

Oh oops. I thought Aspergers. My bad.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...ioning-autism/

This is an eye opening article.

I am pretty sure it describes a lot of Ruby’s life because experiences sound so similar.

You aren’t wrong. Diagnosis of Aspergers was used to describe high functioning ASD. In the US it’s not used as a diagnosis anymore since 2013. If you hear someone has Aspergers, what people mean is that someone is on high end of Autism spectrum (mild ASD). People still say “Aspergers” casually, it’s just not a proper diagnosis anymore

To answer some questions, I haven’t actually apologized. Ever since she reacted to my “rude” comment, I hadn’t felt comfortable being around her. I only knew the literal meaning of what I said about wanting the GM to close. And apparently, she hasn’t been comfortable around me either.

So on the scale of 1-10 with 10 being the rudest, where would my comment fall?

I cannot offer a rating, but I suspect that you will feel better around her if you apologize.

There's no rating, you are either rude or you are not. You were rude.

You don't get to dictate who works and what people do. Not your place.

Second, over many months a number of us have asked you if there is a counselor or job coach you can get some insight from as to how to make up for the fact that you don't understand work-related issues like this, which are mostly social issues. Where are you on that? Is there a job coach that can come to your job and navigate you properly through these situations you keep finding yourself in?

I just spoke with job developer. She doesn’t even believe me when I said I didn’t know I was rude.

Well, that doesn't help you any. Why would they not believe you? I don't understand that.

Do you often bring your work issues to your job developer, explain the situation you face, and ask for his/her advice on how to do better? In other words, do you think your job developer is helpful or unhelpful to you in general?

It doesn't help you in any in this case that they didn't believe you. They should take your word for it.

Ruby, if it is possible, let this go and stop worrying about it. I've worked with a lot of people over the years. In my many years of supervision, I knew the difference between a heart-felt comment that was not intended to offend and a comment made with ill intent. If you'd have said that in front of me, I'd have said something like "Oh. Ruby, don't you like me? We'll have a good quick close and then we can go home." If you would feel better, you could tell her "I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend you. I say things sometimes without realizing how others will hear them."

I'm sorry you are not receiving the support you need to work with less stress and upset on the job. Keep trying and keep asking for the support you need and are entitled to. Employers should be invested in their employees working successfully.

And one other thing: if you think this could apply to you--look online for your state's office of disabilities services. I'm pretty sure every state has one. If you live in Canada or elsewhere, see if you have those services there. See what programs or services are available that maybe you qualify for but have not received, see if there is something new (programs come and go, so just because you checked last summer doesn't mean maybe they don't have something new this summer.)

I can tell by what you write here you want to do a good job, Ruby.

Ruby, in my understanding and recollection in the past you worked with disability services in your area and have a case manager/vocational developer through the disability services. Am I correct? Are you still working with them or they dropped you because you were pretty consistently employed (every state has different time frame)?

If you still receiving help from them perhaps you might want to address that they don’t appear to be very helpful. If you have unhelpful case manager (and I am very much aware of how often that happens) you can talk to a supervisor at your disability services office and request to change a case manager.

Is your therapist also in a disability services or you are seeing someone privately? Perhaps therapist is more use than a job developer in navigating social interactions at work. I’ve met some ineffective job developers, I am not even sure how they got their job! They needed job developers themselves. Lol

It’s great that you keep seeking help and keep working and trying to improve.

There's also a difference between Asperger's and High Functioning Autism. You can have HF and not Asperger's. As you've mentioned, it's now called ASD, undefined.

I'm not from your area so I'm not familiar with what a "job developer" is. Can you explain what they do? Are they to support you with anything related with employment like, skill development, job requirements, communication, etc? I'm assuming this person knows you have ASD.. so, it may be that your worker does not have a firm understanding about this disorder.. perhaps underqualified which is sadly common.

Does your manager at McDonald's know about your ASD? If so, telling a staff member to "shut up" is not only crossing professional boundaries and completely inappropriate... saying so to a person with a known condition is discriminatory. If they are aware, you can report this person. It sounds as if she took your comment personally and is holding a grudge. But again, it's helpful if they're aware about where you're coming from.

Many people on the spectrum say things that sound rude. To be rude would require some level of awareness. So no, I don't think you were rude. I think what you said unknowingly came off rude. Social skills training in the workplace could be beneficial to you. Also learning about boundaries, roles in departments, etc can be helpful. Does your "job developer" help you with this?

It’s incorrect for the US where OP resides. Aspergers is not considered a diagnosis in the US anymore at all. It’s taken out of a diagnostic manual in 2013. There is one diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder. You might be on one end of a spectrum or the other.

Yes, I was agreeing with you. I was also differentiating between High Functioning and Asperger's.. which is irrelevant nowadays.

Ok I haven’t apologized bc apology only works if someone is holding a grudge that you want them to let go of. She is way past that incident. It’s only that she looks down on me and treats me like I have 2 heads. There’s a difference between being mad at someone and no longer having any respect for someone as a person.

She’s changed and I’m not gonna worry about self righteous and easily offended Karens anymore. Here’s a funny story about the next day after I made “rude” comment.

I was talking with a coworker and the minute ****** Karen joined, she told me to go stand somewhere. My coworker asked her why she’s talking like that to me. At first, ****** Karen made up the social distancing excuse. My coworker then said, “ok I’ll also move away from you.”

At that point, ****** Karen caved and told my coworker I was rude to her wanting the GM to close. I told her not everything is about her and I was talking about the GM, not her. She was just about to get b*tchy as I walked off.

This isn’t the only time I unintentionally offended someone. What I said may legitimately be offensive, but she’s a narrow minded Karen for treating me like less of a person over that comment.

Ruby, you’re angry at the supervisor for taking offense to your comment, for which you never apologized. You fail to take any responsibility for your actions over and over again. You’re never going to learn the lessons involved with that kind of attitude.

You were rude to her, and she treats you differently as a result of you being rude to her (and not apologizing).

It sounds like a logical, commonly seen course of events to me.

A main point of an apology is to accept responsibility for your actions.

Karen may or may not change, but YOU will change, and for the better, when you begin to accept more responsibility for your actions.

A Karen is a new slang for easily offended, entitled women. That’s what I’m calling her lol. I tried to apologize recently. I said sorry you’re so offended with my “rude” comment. Not everything is about you.