[AzulOscuro]

I was trying to reply to an e-mail from a person who was worried about my depression. He’s a guy. And my partner asked, I told him the truth and he saw with bad eyes that I spoke to a guy. He took my i-phone and dropped it. He began to drop things in the house.
Now, today, as he works out in the week, I have received a bunch of messages where he says what he has in his head. He thinks I’m addicted to sex in internet because I had a relation on the net with a guy, at about a year ago and a period when I was very strange to him because of how things were going on in our relation.
The thing is that his bad manners only set me very far from him and I doubt I could be going on coping with it.
I was very happy a month ago because I was feeling very close to him and I have a big hope of things get better but he’s always with doubts about me and the way he reacts doesn’t help.

I have to say that he had a crush on a girl he met online before I did it, while I was into a depression. I overcome it. I don’t take his phone to see who he is talking to as he usually does.
I’m so fed up with this situation.

[Bill3]

How he reacted, what he did, what he said: all so wrong. I'm very sorry that you have had to deal with his many wrong actions.

No wonder you are fed up.

[Vanaheimr]

Sorry for everything is going on with you, you are soft and weak and u deserve something pure, no less than pure.

[mote.of.soul]

I'm sorry that's happened to you, Azul. He should apologize for his childish, and even abusive behavior, in my view, yes. But whatever the case, I hope things settle down soon for you, so you can feel comfortable with him again. It should be all about peace.

[AzulOscuro]

It’s curious how I can’t stand bad manners towards anybody but I take in myself. I’m not gonna win the gold medal of setting boundaries.
I have been living this for 19 years only that these outbursts were less intense.
It was when I saw myself a little more able to have my own friendships that it all turned harder and ugly.
He was always a very jealousy guy, but as I have social anxiety and I barely had contact with other people, it wasn’t ever a problem.

He’s even jealousy of girls. A year ago, I met a lovely lady who used to take her doggie to the same park I take my doggies. She’s another crazy of animals, especially doggies and we quickly connected each other. Rare for me because I don’t usually attract a person or connect with them so quickly. Well, according to my partner, she was a lesbian and wanted something out of me so he put in my head this idea and I believed it. Of course, I don’t have contact with this person anymore. I ended up ignoring her what’s app messages.

I’m not sure about what the truth is. He has lots of experience with people. He’s a people person but thus, he has lots of experience in relationships. Just like the opposite to me.

But, one thing I have clear, as mote says, there must be peace. Together, the better but if not, separated.

[Fuzzybear]

Mean, sick, deceitful people do abuse people who they perceive as ''soft and weak'... in truth, its the abusers who are Weak.

I'm sorry some jerk screwed you over.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How he reacted, what he did, what he said: all so wrong. I'm very sorry that you have had to deal with his many wrong actions.

No wonder you are fed up.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Mean, sick, deceitful people do abuse people who they perceive as ''soft and weak'... in truth, its the abusers who are Weak.

I'm sorry some jerk screwed you over.

I understand this tactic. He was always a broken soul as well. Maybe this is why we attracted each other.

Now, today, suddenly, his messages are far from being judgements, now, he’s all about going out together to have some fun.

I’m afraid my Papa Beard is more difficult to deal with that yours.

Thanks for your support!

[Bill3]

Now, today, suddenly, his messages are far from being judgements, now, he’s all about going out together to have some fun.

Abusive people often have cycles in their behavior. Interludes of being nice help keep up hope in the other person, hope that permanent change can happen. These interludes may be more likely to occur when the abusive person is experiencing some fear that the other person may leave. However, unless the abusive person is actually doing consistent, serious work on themselves, such as in therapy, these episodes of niceness typically are short-lived.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. But you are being mistreated. Are you planning on staying with him?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry. But you are being mistreated. Are you planning on staying with him?

I’ve been thinking for a year about leaving the relation. And I was thinking mainly of his own wellbeing, since I consider myself the one to be blamed, better said, the one who had changed. I have living a long period when I felt very strange, very far from him emotionally, so, I considered I was the one who failed.
But now I see that a big part of me feeling emotionally cold with him was as a way of protecting me for the treat received.

[Bill3]

But now I see that a big part of me feeling emotionally cold with him was as a way of protecting me for the treat received.

That makes complete sense to me.

[divine1966]

It’s only expected to feel emotionally cold towards people who treat us poorly. I bet you’ll feel very warm with a loving and kind person. I’d not worry about his well being. I am sure he’ll be just fine

[AzulOscuro]

Today he crossed the last line. He broke my phone and hit my face and arm. I can' t expect anything good out of him anymore.

[Bill3]

I'm really sorry that you experienced thar.

What will you do now?

[divine1966]

Make a police report and press charges please. Don’t stay alone with him please. You aren’t safe

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm really sorry that you experienced thar.

What will you do now?

I don't know how or when I'm gonna do it but it all has to do with a separation. I can't write a lot all I wanted to express now because as my phone got smashed I'm writing on another devise I'm not used to and it's taking me a world of an effort. But, I need to talk with you, guys about this, you too, @Divine, you are both very supportive and at this point in my life for different reasons I'm more alone than ever. What it's not necessary bad in my case. I will explain later.

[FridayT]

I'm terribly sorry that happened. Get out as bad as you can.

[AzulOscuro]

In spite that I have a pain and a bruise in my arm, I'm not scared of him. Obviously, you never know how a person is gonna react when you face to him with a separation but I don't have any other choice.
There were moments when I thought we can fix things up and spend the rest of our lives together because we didn't begin to be together yesterday or neither a year ago...we've been together for 18 years.

I recognise that he didn't always give me the best treat and I'm a very careful and affectionable person. I noticed it and I went little by little much colder each day and building my world apart. Never dared to break my dependency however and this is has to do directly with my psychological issues, me, being a person full of fears, especially, fears to function socially as a normal person and with big dependency on others.

Today, however, things are very different in my life for several reasons. Not in the sense that I progressed a lot in my issues, wished I could say that, in the sense that I don't count with the social support I had in the past. It's my fault but I prefer it like that. I only want with me people I feel comfortable with and I see worthy. I rather be alone as much scary as this situation of being alone may be terrifying and challenging for me.

[AzulOscuro]

I feel secure these days. He's working out along the week and I don't think he gets physical with me anymore but as I'm gonna tell him about the separation I'm sure she's gonna do one of his shows.
I'm determined. I don't want any of us suffer with the separation and I want it the best for both parties but I'm determined. It's the best.

I hope you have protection from him being violent, AzulOscuro. I hope you are safe.

[MsLady]

Well, according to my partner, she was a lesbian and wanted something out of me so he put in my head this idea and I believed it. Of course, I don’t have contact with this person anymore. I ended up ignoring her what’s app messages.

I’m not sure about what the truth is.

That's really unfortunate because whether or not she's a lesbian, you're (presumably) not. If you're not inclined in that way, it wouldn't be an issue to spend time with her.

If you connected with this friend, I'd contact her after your seperation and apologize. Tell her your husband was intensely jealous and didn't allow you to have a social life. You don't have to give any great details. She may be very understanding and be a really good friend to you.

I hope all the best for you.

Edit: I didn't notice the second page when I posted. Please be safe. Can you request support from someone when letting him know about the separation? Police, even?

[Discombobulated]

Azul is it wise to tell him about the separation?

He has hurt you before. He has shown violence to you and your belongings.

Can you make a plan to remove yourself and your belongings to a safe place? Are there a women's refuge you can contact to help you to give you space and a safe place while you find another place of your own away from him.

Stay safe.

[AzulOscuro]

I never considered him a particular physical abusive person. He was more emotional abuser but it was for me pretty hard to notice it My guts have been telling me I wasn't feeling a swell as I should though. He has a charming personality however and he keeps it for the majority of people but I know the whole him and mainly I know how he behaves most of the time with me, especially when I feel low and insecure.

Being honest, I didn't expect he reached the point to be physical with me and after the bombing of e-mails I'm receiving from him these days there is not a single one in which he asks how my arm is going. All it's about he playing the role of the victim, making assumptions about me.

As he brought up the topic in e-mails, I have already told him that his assumptions are all wrong with the only exception that our relationship is finished and that we have to talk to look for the best way out for both.

[sarahsweets]

You need to leave and go stay with someone who is supportive of your desire to leave him. I do not think it is safe to tell him this without a place to go to that is safe. Do not whitewash his abuse and say it wont happen again, it will happen again.