[Aviza]

Because I told her i was done helping her. I've been pushed to the point of exhaustion and had to stay home from work for two days. I don't get paid time off so this will hurt me. But physically i feel better.

I tried to resolve it but she's stubborn, always right, and never accepts responsibility. She thinks she's the perfect mother, was comparing what i did for her to what my 7 year old niece was doing for her.

I told her she owes me an apology for comparing me to a 7 year old. And that if she can't treat me right i won't come over tomorrow. So she said she never wants to see me as long as she lives. Won't add me back to the trust, and the dog i was supposed to inherit will go to her friend.

Frankly I don't really believe it. She's disowned me my entire adult life. 3x. Now 4x. Most of my therapists think i need to cut her out of my life because of how she treats me. But honestly. It's her way or the highway, the woman hates me.

[CANDC]

Hi Aviza. Sorry your mom is so challenging. It must be tough having to walk through the "minefields"

You may want to wait till you feel better and this has blown over and start helping her again.

I think the use of ultimatums often backfires especially with people that are very insensitive and possibly manipulative. Maybe processing your feelings with a friend might be better than confronting mom. She sounds like she is just trying to get her way. Playing her game may be the only way to finally get closure, but only you can decide.

[Aviza]

I went over to pick up my stuff we made peace.

[CANDC]

Aviza you did the right thing making peace. Your mom may say mean things when she is hurting or feeling uncomfortable, but she is still your mom.

@CANDC

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Because I told her i was done helping her. I've been pushed to the point of exhaustion and had to stay home from work for two days. I don't get paid time off so this will hurt me. But physically i feel better.

I tried to resolve it but she's stubborn, always right, and never accepts responsibility. She thinks she's the perfect mother, was comparing what i did for her to what my 7 year old niece was doing for her.

I told her she owes me an apology for comparing me to a 7 year old. And that if she can't treat me right i won't come over tomorrow. So she said she never wants to see me as long as she lives. Won't add me back to the trust, and the dog i was supposed to inherit will go to her friend.

Frankly I don't really believe it. She's disowned me my entire adult life. 3x. Now 4x. Most of my therapists think i need to cut her out of my life because of how she treats me. But honestly. It's her way or the highway, the woman hates me.

Making peace with someone who continues to disown you must have been really hard. I wonder why she chooses to behave this way? Why try and cut your own daughter out of your life when that daughter is helping you?

That's very hurtful and destructive behavior on your mother's part. You are a good person for forgiving her and even a bigger person for being able to make peace with her. I think if that had been myself, I would have said, fine, let's cut ties. You have a very good heart.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Because I told her i was done helping her. I've been pushed to the point of exhaustion and had to stay home from work for two days. I don't get paid time off so this will hurt me. But physically i feel better.

I tried to resolve it but she's stubborn, always right, and never accepts responsibility. She thinks she's the perfect mother, was comparing what i did for her to what my 7 year old niece was doing for her.

I told her she owes me an apology for comparing me to a 7 year old. And that if she can't treat me right i won't come over tomorrow. So she said she never wants to see me as long as she lives. Won't add me back to the trust, and the dog i was supposed to inherit will go to her friend.

Frankly I don't really believe it. She's disowned me my entire adult life. 3x. Now 4x. Most of my therapists think i need to cut her out of my life because of how she treats me. But honestly. It's her way or the highway, the woman hates me.

I'm sorry to hear that. That how my mom treated me up until the day she passed away. Sometimes walking away is the best thing to do which is very difficult to do.

[Travelinglady]

Just realize that she won't change. Sounds like my mother who was diagnosed by my therapist as having "narcissistic personality disorder with borderline characteristics." But of course, I'm just suggesting she might have something like that, since I'm not trained as that kind of psychiatrist or psychologist.

As you see, she really doesn't want to disown you, but it's a control technique. My mother threatened to leave her sizeable estate to the heart foundation if we didn't do what she wanted--but I managed to distance myself after I got married and my husband was "transferred" across the state. She then relied on my sister.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Just realize that she won't change. Sounds like my mother who was diagnosed by my therapist as having "narcissistic personality disorder with borderline characteristics." But of course, I'm just suggesting she might have something like that, since I'm not trained as that kind of psychiatrist or psychologist.

As you see, she really doesn't want to disown you, but it's a control technique. My mother threatened to leave her sizeable estate to the heart foundation if we didn't do what she wanted--but I managed to distance myself after I got married and my husband was "transferred" across the state. She then relied on my sister.

^ Sounds like someone in my family of origin who hurt me.... all about control. And that dx is ''accurate'' imo for that person too. (in my family of origin) I am also not trained as a psych. (but I have had to observe to ''survive'' (since I was a cub) and its one thing I am ''good at'')

[Prycejosh1987]

Take it on the chin and do what is best. If your not getting paid for caring for her, that is a problem. If someone disowns you, you can respond by being optimistic and thinking about her and doing what you can to make her feel better, but you also have to look after yourself too.

[Prycejosh1987]

You may have to not listen to the therapists this time. You should try and work things out with her, when someone hates you love care and attention could win them over. It may take time but if you work on it, you will make a breakthrough. All the best.