Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

Well it’s his problem that he is a big spender. Not yours. He can borrow from his parents or brother to treat his cat. I feel bad for a cat but he needs to take care of it, not you. That’s how he lives his life. Goes from a woman to woman and they support him. Unbelievable.

I don’t judge being a spender. I am a spender. The difference is I am a spender of my own money!

What's done is done. I know he would find a way to blame ME for keeping his deposit money right now - and I don't wish to owe him a single cent. My part is done.

And yes, I told him he's a HUGE MOOCH the other day too. I told him he mooched off his parents until the age of THIRTY TWO, then he mooched off his ex wife, then the next woman and then ME.

I told him he used me for my good credit, and abused me. He's a moocher! And yes, he'll find some other poor woman to mooch off of next - but no healthy minded woman will stay with him for very long. That's my two cents.

He just tried to re-engage me in the fight by saying "I don't know why you felt the need to insult me after you had just told me you wanted to be cordial".

This was this morning.

This is also after he made the switch to telling me all of a sudden that he wants a divorce, too.

I avoided it and am proud of myself. All I said was "I don't want to get into this now". And left it at that.

F#%&@%$&^.

Screw the above post. He owed me a final $34 which I had to ask him for this morning - he owed it on a separate bank loan I had taken out FOR HIM. This was the remaining balance as of this morning.

Which then instigated texts back and forth. Now we're fighting again. He's accusing ME of having explosive anger. He's accusing ME of having a disorder. He's deflecting again and he's projecting again.

So what happens? We get into it more.

I finally just wrote this - yep, I've stooped to his level of immaturity.

I hate you. I absolutely cannot stand you. You thoroughly appall me and disgust me. You are a most despicable human being. Now goodbye.

Who cares if he blames you? Blames you to whom? Who even cares? Who is that entity that would be effected by his blaming you? Work place? Family? Who cares?

Do not give him any money! You just gave him 900 all while he still owes you money, at the very least you could subtract that amount. You took a bank loan for him too? Did you give him a check for 900 now or cash? If a check or money transfer or bank transfer, call your bank and ask to put a stop to it ASAP. You can stop that check right now

Just file for divorce and things like bank loan he owes you could be addressed with your lawyer. These things need to go through lawyers now including deposit you need to give back or money he owes you. Do not do any of these things now. Include this in divorce papers. No direct transactions. He could even claim you never gave him deposit back and 900 is just a gift from you. All of this must go through court orders at this point.

I don't want him blaming me to any of our shared social circle. That's what I care about - NOT what he says to his own friends and family.

He owed ME $34 from a prior bank loan I took out for him at the beginning of covid when his work hours were reduced. He paid me today.

I have it documented by email and text that I've paid him the $900 deposit. I just emailed the landlord to document it, just in case. I feel much better not owing my sleazebag of a husband any money. I do not want any financial ties to him anymore.

I do not want to bother my lawyer with such details. I am not paying for that. My fee covers negotiations involving the divorce agreement only.

If there are conversations to be had about the car lease, all of that will occur through the lawyers at this point.

Good plan

I didn’t know he paid you already. I meant if he refuses to pay, it could be part of a divorce agreement instead of fighting with him. But if it’s resolved then it’s all good

REALLY???????

JUST REALLY?????????

AFTER telling him how I hate him and think he's a despicable person, hours later he texts me to inform me (again) that he has low blood oxygen level and needs another covid test tomorrow. I asked him why he is telling me this, and if that means he will not be at our apartment on Sunday moving his things out and he says, well, if I had learned that you were severely sick, I would still care.

YET ANOTHER ATTEMPT AT MANIPULATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN DOES THIS END WITH HIM?

SOOOOOOO... I told him - look., I told you how I feel about you, but I do not wish ill upon you.

GEEZ!! He's sooooooooo melodramatic - he hasn't even had a covid test yet - he's NOT in the hospital and he's NOT on a respirator! For the love of God.

You may have few assets with him, but debt can become an issue. IDK your state’s law but until divorce is filed you can get screwed over by spouse. I’m sure your lawyer should keep you protected and explain to you, that but unless filed, protection may not be in force.

I’m not frustrated. I just need to self care when I may project. I’m rooting for you to heal soon!

Thanks Tisha. I appreciate you rooting for me.

Our individual debt will remain as such. We've been married less than two years and have no shared debt. No shared credit cards. In my state, you take what you came in with if the marriage lasts only this long.

Oh please. Informing you that he’ll have covid test. Like you supposed to do something about it. He is milking it.

YES - he is! He is pulling the sympathy strings again.

Quote:

YET ANOTHER ATTEMPT AT MANIPULATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN DOES THIS END WITH HIM?

Why are you asking this question? It began BEFORE you. What makes you think it will STOP with you? Time to take a realistic view & stick with it.

It was a rhetorical question that I wasn't really asking of the community. It was said out of pure exasperation.

I am now seeing just exactly HOW manipulative he truly is - it's very eye opening. Every statement out of his mouth is a manipulation.

And I am now seeing how he manipulated me from the very beginning of our relationship - it's been one long manipulation.

And I was duped - or allowed myself to be duped by him.

It's a most humbling realization.

To add to this post:

He said he was scared for his health. I told him he's being very melodramatic because he hasn't had a covid test yet, and he doesn't yet know if he has covid. I also told him I am no longer that person he turns to. I told him to call his parents, his doctor or a friend.

How can I be supportive of someone who has abused me so badly and then cheated on me in the end?

Sure, I told him I do not wish ill upon him anymore - that I wish for a full recovery and I wished him well. At the same time, I put up a boundary.

My ex significant other contacted me to tell me he had cancer and was going for lung surgery the next day. He usually wasn’t manipulative and was rather straight forward so I obviously had no reason to think he made it up. I thought he was scared and I was the person he wanted to tell, we’ve been together for so long as a family so I could kind of understand. But the time frame was suspicious to me...It happened shortly after he found out I got engaged.

Long story short he NEVER had cancer and had no surgeries scheduled whatsoever. I was appalled he stooped that low trying to get my sympathy for something FAKE. Then I thought he was likely intoxicated when he contacted me. He’d not make crap up sober. I wonder if your soon to be ex gets under the influence: I don’t know if he drinks but he uses weed and heavier drugs of his choice and then he goes on these rampages.

Who in their clear state of mind would be telling soon to be ex or ex that they are getting covid test. Who cares. Everyone gets covid tests. And low oxygen level could mean anything.

He probably has no money for movers because he spent 900 you gave him on drugs or other non essential stuff like New Year party etc He now needs an excuse why he can’t come get his stuff: he is sick and maybe has covid. It will delay his moving out until he finds other source of money to get movers.

WOW - that is quite the manipulation!!! That's appalling.

That's the thing with my husband - he lies and he's lost my trust. So I don't know what is true and what is not true - I just don't trust him anymore and he's proven himself to be a huge manipulator AND liar.

He was sick on New years eve. He doesn't get his bonus until the 15th, so he cannot spend that $900 yet.

You don’t know if he was sick on New Year’s Eve. And how sick he was and what he does with the money. You only know what he tells you.

Very true.

So it's one step forward, two steps back for me right now. I have my better days and my worse days. When I have a good day, I am distant from him and there is no texting. On the worse days, I engage, there's fighting and I get angry and enraged with him all over again.

Today I simply told him to not come to the apartment tomorrow because he's symptomatic and regardless of the test outcome. I also told him I hope his test is negative and that I wish him a full recovery.

I felt it was the best thing to say right now. He cannot say I have no heart. And I do have a heart and genuinely hope he doesn't have covid and that he does recover. His symptoms right now are concerning, IF they are true.

He now has $900, he should hire movers and they’ll do everything for him. The most I ever paid movers was $500 and I was moving furniture about 30 minutes away and some of my furniture had to be delivered to two different addresses so it was an hour driving for them and the carrying furniture in and out of two houses. I was single and had zero trouble doing that. I don’t understand why it’s such an issue

The guy will be milking it until cows come home. And now I see you two are not low income at all, he should have zero reason to not move his stuff out. It doesn’t take that long or that much money or that much hassle. The only hassle would be to find place to live but he found it extremely fast so there is zero reason for him not to pack and take his stuff, he could also get a storage unit

The middle aged guy is so clueless that it’s gross. Now he has covid. Next week he’ll have back pain. Just watch. Then he will supposedly have sick cat.

I know - remember who I am dealing with though. Someone who has NO clue hot to budget, prioritize OR organize. He's a train wreck.

I am sure there will be excuses - I am anticipating him pulling more crap on me.

Stay strong. Don’t buy his crap

And now he's been recently "liking" a cute woman's Facebook posts. This woman I took issue with when he and I were together because one night I thought she was eyeing him up and down, and then another night, I thought she was trying to flirt with him in front of me.

So of course NOW that we're apart, he's liking her posts and cute photos. What an a-hole. He was probably the one eyeing HER and trying to get her attention, now that I know better.

I am getting angry all over again. Just MORE DISRESPECT being thrown in my face.

Can you make sure you can’t see what’s he doing on social media? Could that be accomplished? Block? Unfriend?