Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

Yes, it truly is! Now I just hope he doesn't try to pull any more crap on me such as pleading and texting at random. I need a fresh start with my new job... and no drama.

Awesome. Just awesome. I am a complete emotional wreck today because of my a-hole husband fighting with me all morning, and I have a call this afternoon with my new boss in a half hour. I've been crying all morning and am still in tears. I am resentful right now that i have to speak with my boss on a day when I haven't even started working yet. I am a mess.

You can do it. Try to think of a positive here

Thanks, Divine.

OMG - I almost had a panic attack just before my call.

I managed to get through the call OK (I think). I expressed my enthusiasm and excitement and a few thoughts on starting out next week. Phew - thank God that's done.

Glad to hear the call went well, in spite of everything. You’ve got this!

Thank you!

I told him there is no reason for us to be in touch except for through lawyers from now on.

His response? WOW.

What does he think? I want to be friends with him now? After he's been such a crap husband, an abusive husband and what not?

Even if he wasn’t abusive, there is nothing to talk to him about

True. But since he was abusive, there really is nothing.

You know what @HaveHope its totally sucky that he is this way after all of his nonsense. But please try really hard to focus on work when you start your job. I know you know this but a good way I am working on to control my obssessive worry about my daughter is to like schedule time to completely let myself just go "there" and worry, cry, rant, be angry all of it. But I also give myself a stop time. So I might tell myself from 6am-7 I can freak out about whatever is going on but by 730 I have to get up and dressed and do something I am supposed to do. It doesnt always work but it has sometimes.

Thanks @sarahsweets. I will be able to focus on work. I have to - it's my job. I won't have any reason to be in touch with my husband, so it will make it far easier to get through the work day.

So, I am freaking pissed off right now. I received the divorce agreement that my husband's lawyer drafted. It reads like my husband is the one filing for divorce, not me, even though we're supposed to be filing jointly and in mutual agreement. I am talking to my lawyer on Monday to get that revised to read differently. No way is my husband going to be the one filing for divorce, when I am the one who initiated it! When I confronted him, he lied about it and said he had no idea, when I know full well that he knew.

You may think this is a silly point to argue over, but it very much matters to me how the agreement reads. I don't want my husband then telling everyone that HE filed for divorce, which is how it looks now! F him. I am seething.

The thing is that no one will ever see the divorce decree so he can tell people that he filed anyways. He will likely say it anyways, regardless what the paper says. He likely saying it now. He says he left you.

You have no control over what he will tell people plus everyone knows that who filed does not matter. It’s not always who initiated the divorce at all. It’s just legal language.

Of course his lawyer says he is filing for divorce. His lawyer wouldn’t say you are filing because he isn’t representing you. I never heard of jointly filing but maybe it’s being done when people get along. You two don’t see eye to eye (otherwise you’d be still married!) so doing things jointly will not work.

Don’t pay for the items you keeping. He can put it in divorce agreement if he wants. What a joke. Items depreciate so bad they cost nothing now. People buy new TVs and other electronics every few years. Why is he charging you for it? I can buy you tv and coffee maker. Tell me where to send it. You don’t need to pay him at all. What a jerk

Well, I am speaking about it nonetheless with my lawyer on Monday morning before I have to work. My husband can tell people whatever he wants, but I want the divorce agreement to accurately represent what is happening and it is a joint agreement - in my state, it's called a 1A no fault divorce where both parties agree that the marriage cannot be saved. It matters to me that in the paperwork, it's accurately represented. He can lie all he wants, but it will be a lie. We each will have a copy of the paperwork.. he can show that to anyone to prove he filed for divorce. I am not accepting that. Period.

I offered to pay him for the items I am keeping. I initially offered to pay him $1000 for all of it, so $200 is quite fair in my mind. I don't even care. If it saves me the hassle and cost of having to buy new items myself? I'd rather pay him the $200 to get him off my back about it and to stop him from threatening to take all the items away. Yeah, it may seem ridiculous, but I just don't care anymore.

I don’t blame you for wanting things done correctly. I think your state system is confusing. We can file for no fault divorce too but it doesn’t have to be joint. I don’t understand them forcing people file jointly. It’s insane

If he will go around showing anyone divorce decree people would laugh. He is an idiot

I get it. You are offering him to pay for those things just shows you are a nice person and want to be done with him and you don’t want him to keep coming back for stuff. Him taking $200 is just so out there. He really needs $200, for a new stash? And he makes pretty hefty money, yet wants your $200. Threatening to take stuff? Well go ahead take it. Who cares about stuff?

What a terrible person. I get that you want to be done

I honestly don't understand our legal process either. But it's not a forced thing - As far as I recall, filing jointly is cheapest and also voluntary.

I would not put it past him to prove that he filed for divorce by showing papers to some new woman. He is that type of person to stoop that low. So for me, it's very important to get it right in the paperwork.

Well yeah if he gets married new wife will see it. I am just failing to understand why his new woman even matters? I saw my husbands decree many times because we have it in a our file with important documents and we were tied up to her paying her spousal support etc. No one saw my decree because neither I nor my ex remember what happen to it. No one looks at those. The only thing matters is statement that you are divorced, needed for marrying second time but not actual decree.

I just don’t want you to waste energy on things that don’t matter. Those are not important things. But I get that this is how you want things to be.

He is a terrible person. He promised those items to me all this time, then yesterday when I put my foot down about something, he threatened to take it all away. He is a bad man. I truly hate him. So, yes, giving him $200 is to keep him off my back. And yes, of course, the money is for cocaine, I am sure of it!!!

I understand. I am a stickler for details, and this matters to me. I had asked my husband to have his lawyer draft a no fault 1A agreement. He drafted a completely different type of agreement, and I am NOT ok with it.

I just wrote to my lawyer stating it needs to be reworked and that I refuse to sign any such divorce agreement that states he is the Plaintiff, and I am the Defendant. Screw that! He is NOT the one filing for divorce. I will NOT allow this. I am adamant about it.

You have to just file for divorce. You can pay lawyer out of a loan and then pay the loan back. You are going to make good money and pay it back in no time. As they say “don’t negotiate with terrorists”. You tried to negotiate joint divorce then his never ending moving out then him hiring movers then him leaving you the items. None of it worked in a long run. Don’t negotiate.

I will see how it goes with my lawyer on Monday. This could be an easy fix in the paperwork. I'd rather not use the loan for this.

You both could sign join petition and affidavit of a breakout marriage and file in court. It’s cheap and fast. If you wanted to do joint you had to follow procedure and be done. Nothing wrong with involving lawyers but they’ll drag it until cows come home. And that’s what had been happening. What goes in the agreement? Like nothing to put there really. Nothing to draft. Fill out those two forms, both sign and attach copy of marriage certificate. File. Done.

Instructions: Joint petition for divorce (Section 1A) court form | Mass.gov

I like details too but things have to make sense, that’s his lawyer. His lawyer not going to bother writing things how you want them. You aren’t paying him. If you want agreement that covers both of your interests and wordings, his lawyer isn’t the one who’ll bother with it.

This doesn’t need to be that complicated. If you don’t like to deal with legal paperwork, you hire a lawyer and tell them to file. If you wanted to show that you are the one initiating it, joint filing won’t do that. It still won’t show that it was your decision.

If you want all details be correct, they aren’t correct with joint petition. Joint petition states you both don’t want to be married and just both want to get a divorce. It won’t match details of what happened anyways as you said he is begging you not to divorce him. It’s still isn’t accurate attention to details

Accurate attention to details would be you file for divorce.