Was this sadistic? What is this? Is he a psychopath?

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think I misread what you are asking. I thought you were asking if he is narcissistic and psychopathic. If you are asking if he is a psychopath, I don’t think so. They are typically way too dangerous, like criminally dangerous, I think?

Yeah - I was asking if he is also psychopathic.... the only criteria missing in him is a criminal record. But he did steal from Home Depot AND from me - that's criminal behavior.

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann bog

For instance, giving someone help when they don’t ask for it. I’ve found that many people don’t have the strength to end a relationship or give it a break and unfortunately actually hurts both people in the relationship.

I hear you. It's hard though. It's so difficult to watch someone go through an unhealthy/toxic relationship and when they choose to remain in it for loving the person even though that person is hurting you. But I did that myself, and people here supported me through the entire process until I eventually decided I MUST leave.

divine1966 · Dec 17, 2020, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yeah - I was asking if he is also psychopathic.... the only criteria missing in him is a criminal record. But he did steal from Home Depot AND from me - that's criminal behavior.

Oh yeah. Sadly going from my experience in retail it’s so extremely common. People steal in this manner all the time. Such gross behavior, isn’t it.

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh yeah. Sadly going from my experience in retail it’s so extremely common. People steal in this manner all the time. Such gross behavior, isn’t it.

It is!!!! I was horrified by it - horrified that he used my credit card without asking me AND without informing me AND THEN STEALING from Home Depot!!!! I am astounded by this behavior.

I determined that him cheating on me is just another piece to the puzzle showing his poor character. It's a part of his M.O... to lie, to steal, and then to also cheat.

divine1966 · Dec 17, 2020, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann bog

Very clear answer. Look at their other hobbies (if they have any) and that will usually lead you along a path of figuring someone out.

Please keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule so try to not to stereotype but yeah typecasting is a thing.

I think hobbies do say a lot about people and their interest but not always much about their personality traits or character. I know many people sharing a hobby but not necessarily character traits.

But I do agree about commonalities in people having extreme hobbies like extreme sports or dangerous things. Like I’d not date type of men who flew private planes or skydiving or sailing across Atlantics on a tiny yacht etc. Adrenaline junkies. Nope. Thanks. But I also avoided men who have no hobbies. It’s another extreme

divine1966 · Dec 17, 2020, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

It is!!!! I was horrified by it - horrified that he used my credit card without asking me AND without informing me AND THEN STEALING from Home Depot!!!! I am astounded by this behavior.

I determined that him cheating on me is just another piece to the puzzle showing his poor character. It's a part of his M.O... to lie, to steal, and then to also cheat.

Poor character. That’s for sure. Just doing what they want at the moment not caring who it effects

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Poor character. That’s for sure. Just doing what they want at the moment not caring who it effects

Yeah, exactly - without a conscience. That's why I was wondering if he's also a psychopath.

divine1966 · Dec 17, 2020, 04:40 PM

You know I am thinking now if he was a sadist he’d be cheating in the open. He was hiding and likely didn’t think you’d find out?

I actually have two childhood friends whose husbands cheated in the open. One brought women home. She just had a baby and had no place to go, he had sex in the other room with her at home. Terrible. That’s sadistic. And the other was periodically visiting his ex wife for sex and didn’t hide it. Talking about sadistic

Yours was hiding and plotting behind your back. Was it different from psychopathic?

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You know I am thinking now if he was a sadist he’d be cheating in the open. He was hiding and likely didn’t think you’d find out?

I actually have two childhood friends whose husbands cheated in the open. One brought women home. She just had a baby and had no place to go, he had sex in the other room with her at home. Terrible. That’s sadistic. And the other was periodically visiting his ex wife for sex and didn’t hide it. Talking about sadistic

Yours was hiding and plotting behind your back. Was it different from psychopathic?

Hmm... yes, he may have thought I wouldn't find out. Or, perhaps he did not care if I found out.

At the same time, I heard from him in at least 100 conversations (no joke) about cheating that: "you don't have to ever worry about that with me", "I am not wired to cheat", "it's not in my DNA to cheat", and "I will never hurt you by cheating".

So then if it wasn't sadistic and vengeful because I called the police, then what was it? Was he pulling the wool over my eyes ALL this time, LYING to me ALL this time, about NOT being a cheater, when in fact, he IS a cheater? He did become irrationally explosive sometimes when I questioned him on this topic - and very defensive!

It FEELS sadistic to me given all of our conversations about cheating AND given the fact that he KNEW it was the ONE vulnerability I have that would hurt and harm me the VERY MOST. He KNEW THIS.

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 04:56 PM

His main hobby was a star wars video game - he would play it CONSTANTLY. He's 48!!!!

divine1966 · Dec 17, 2020, 04:58 PM

Yeah good points.

I wonder also that he was texting her in bed with you. That’s sadistic. Like it gave him pleasure.

Otherwise I’d think even the nasty cheater would not do it with wife right there!!!

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Yeah good points.

I wonder also that he was texting her in bed with you. That’s sadistic. Like it gave him pleasure.

Otherwise I’d think even the nasty cheater would not do it with wife right there!!!

I'm not positive whether he was texting her from bed with me in it. I'm not 100% sure., though it's very possible because it was at 8 PM and we were in bed then. He claims that he texted her from outside while smoking a cigarette.

Either way, we had JUST made love the night before, AND had had a great time together - then the next day, he's texting HER "thinking of you" (while out with me at CVS) AND then later "probably see you in my dreams" when they said goodnight.

THAT feels sadistic.

sarahsweets · Dec 17, 2020, 05:04 PM

You know your husband @Have Hope and if you say he’s a narcissist and your therapist agrees then he is. Too bad being an Asshole isn’t in the DSM. He certainly is one.

Have Hope · Dec 17, 2020, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

You know your husband @Have Hope and if you say he’s a narcissist and your therapist agrees then he is. Too bad being an Asshole isn’t in the DSM. He certainly is one.

One of the biggest assholes I've ever known. Seriously.