Was I Wrong?

Sometimes I don't know what my problem is... My coworkers invited me over so we could all dye our hair. I texted one of them today that I had hurt my ankle and couldn't come. I just didn't want to deal with people today. I like these coworkers and I want to dye my hair, but I felt so drained today and all I wanted to do was draw and play with my art supplies. And then some random guy on my dating website asked me if I wanted to hang out tonight-- I told him I needed more notice than this. It's just that I didn't want to deal with the traffic and parking in Denver, on top of the anxiety of being on a first date with someone; always assuming we actually found a place with a table for us to sit down. I know these all sound like excuses, and I feel somewhat guilty. Not so much about the guy, because he just sounded desperate. More about my coworkers. And the sad thing is, this is common; I get invited to places and then I cop out at the last minute. It's rude and wrong of me, I just don't want to deal with the hassle. I always feel like people won't really like me once they really get to know me. I feel like they just like the facade that I put up for people. Am I a bad person?

You are not a bad person.

In your heart of hearts, what percentage of the reason you decline is because of being tired, not wanting to deal with traffic etc., and what percentage is the feeling that people won't like you once they get to know you?

No, you are not a bad person because of this - not at all.

@Bill3 makes an excellent point. I wonder the same thing? What happens after a while is that people could stop inviting you if you continue to say yes, but then decline at the last minute. Would it hurt to join these gatherings and take a risk? We all risk not being liked when socializing. If you're worried about not being liked, just ask people questions about themselves - people love to talk about themselves and their lives, so if you show an interest in them outside of work, it will be well received.

You're not a bad person!

@Bill3 makes a great point. I was wondering the same thing?

So they rescheduled for yesterday, and I went and had a really nice time as well as getting a good dye job for free out of it lol. Personally, I don't like it when people do nothing but talk about themselves; it makes them sound conceited and boring and stupid in my eyes, so I don't usually ask people about themselves. It makes no difference, they often do it whether I ask or not. I still don't know if it's the external items (traffic, finding a place, etc.)or really the internal (I don't think people will like me if they get to know me). It's definitely something to think about.

Really happy to hear that you've had a good time! i don't think you're a bad person simply for declining an invitation. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that if that happens often they may not get to know you. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @indigo1015, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks for letting us know!