[alpacalicious]

I went there searching bc i dont know im not feeling strong love but at the same time i like him when together, i want to kiss and cuddle and explore his life and interests, im curious about him. I get jealous from time to time, I worry when he doesnt reply soon. I dont treat him as the same level of friends or family members. He treats me right and with respect. I never cried over him like my exes.

I feel more like this:
than this:

Yet, I feel like im the culprit here. Bc i dont feel strong love. Affection, yes. Keep in mind that i have BPD, so me not feeling love could be because of that?

Here's our story together:

in august we will be 1 year together. I am 26, he is 27.

1) we met on dating app, we had a lot in common, mind blowing we had evertthing in common even we liked the same color or small things and sincronicities! we liked texting to each other, after 2 days we met.
I was the first that asked to meet, then during that evening he asked me to have a relationship. I didnt feel initial chemistry and when i saw him at first I felt like in my mind I imagined him different (different aspect for ex.) and I felt let down. End of that evening I said yes and we kissed but i didnt feel anything. But Im demisexual, keep this in mind, maybe it is important.

2)honeymoon phase: I dont feel this, i like him and feel affection and interest but i dont feel intense love. there are no reasons, he is not causing that.

3)no issues or even arguments between us. but we only see once a week bc of his job, and i want to see him more than that.

4) no arguments really, maybe a few at the start bc of my trust issues ( i got played by a guy that wanted a friends with benefits situation so i told my partner over and over that i didnt want a Fwb story,) but we both handled them well. But keep in mind, we only see once a week so....its easy not to fight. No fights. No arguments.
5) there are no issues. i want to see him more but its my fault bc i never said that to him. so he thinks im ok with that. I need to say this to him. I dont want to be seen as clingy.

[Bill3]

It sounds to me as though this relationship is developing nicely.

I think it would be okay, and good, to say that you wish you could see more of him.

What if you just continue in the relationship and see how things are in six months or in a year?

[alpacalicious]

Hi, yes that is my thought. First, I need to ask him to see him more than once a week, I think i need to see more than him. Then see if there are developments.
At the moment its a very nice relationship, he is treating me very good, but makes me think, is that because we only see once a week? Its so easy to agree with each other by seeing each other so little.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry things aren't going too wel! Please Do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful Bill3 about waiting a bit perhaps. Hugs. Perhaps you simply need some more time to make it work. Although i'd say a year is quite enough but everyone has their own time i think. Just give it a thougth and perhaps consider seeing him more if you're still unsure. Please keep us updated if you want to. Sending Love. Hope things will Improve soon. Do try your Best. Stay Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @alpacalicious, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[divine1966]

Well I keep hearing that people think feeling love has to be this crazy intense feeling. Usually intense feeling isn’t really love.

Having said that I find it curious that he isn’t interested in seeing you more than once a week. Usually it’s ok in the beginning but then most people would either want more or split. Of course you can ask to see him more but I just don’t understand why doesn’t he want to see you more

Do you live far away from each other?

[Have Hope]

I had to look up demisexual. I’ve never heard that term before. Do you feel an emotional connection to him? And I’m wondering why you said yes to a relationship on the first meeting if you didn’t feel chemistry? It sounds to me like you jumped in and said yes before deciding for yourself whether you really were completely interested. Chemistry is either there or it’s not. It cannot be fabricated or develop later. Same with love. After a year together you usually know whether you truly love someone or not, even if it is just once a week seeing each other. Lots of people can treat you nicely or respectfully, but if he doesn’t fully do it for you to feel you’re in love, what’s the point? Eventually you’ll break up because you know the chemistry’s not there. And you initially felt let down when you first met him, then sparks were not flying for you during the honeymooon phase as they should be. My main point is that if you never felt the chemistry in the initial stages, it won’t develop later. I get the sense you fell into this relationship vs fully evaluating and deciding that this guy is right for you. Seeing one another more won’t make up for a lack of chemistry. And I don’t think BPD would interfere with falling in love with someone though I don’t fully know.

[RoxanneToto]

I get what demisexuality is - unfortunately, as you know as well, seeing more of him and over a longer period of time won’t guarantee you’ll develop stronger feelings for him later. I agree it’s a factor you can’t really overlook, though. How do you think he would respond to you asking him to meet more often? It’s not an unreasonable request, though I’m also curious about why he doesn’t ask you if you can spend more time together. I’m only speculating of course, but it might be possible he’s just got comfortable with how things are, and doesn’t feel the need to try and move things to the next stage?

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

I went there searching bc i dont know im not feeling strong love but at the same time i like him when together, i want to kiss and cuddle and explore his life and interests, im curious about him. I get jealous from time to time, I worry when he doesnt reply soon. I dont treat him as the same level of friends or family members. He treats me right and with respect. I never cried over him like my exes.

I feel more like this:
than this:

Yet, I feel like im the culprit here. Bc i dont feel strong love. Affection, yes. Keep in mind that i have BPD, so me not feeling love could be because of that?

Here's our story together:

in august we will be 1 year together. I am 26, he is 27.

1) we met on dating app, we had a lot in common, mind blowing we had evertthing in common even we liked the same color or small things and sincronicities! we liked texting to each other, after 2 days we met.
I was the first that asked to meet, then during that evening he asked me to have a relationship. I didnt feel initial chemistry and when i saw him at first I felt like in my mind I imagined him different (different aspect for ex.) and I felt let down. End of that evening I said yes and we kissed but i didnt feel anything. But Im demisexual, keep this in mind, maybe it is important.

2)honeymoon phase: I dont feel this, i like him and feel affection and interest but i dont feel intense love. there are no reasons, he is not causing that.

3)no issues or even arguments between us. but we only see once a week bc of his job, and i want to see him more than that.

4) no arguments really, maybe a few at the start bc of my trust issues ( i got played by a guy that wanted a friends with benefits situation so i told my partner over and over that i didnt want a Fwb story,) but we both handled them well. But keep in mind, we only see once a week so....its easy not to fight. No fights. No arguments.
5) there are no issues. i want to see him more but its my fault bc i never said that to him. so he thinks im ok with that. I need to say this to him. I dont want to be seen as clingy.

Hey. Sounds like you have strong affection for your boyfriend but no passionate, intense romantic chemistry or "manic, magic" happiness. Love is defined as deep affection and attachment so I would say that based on your words you do feel love for him but it's more the long-term kind of love maybe. Also, maybe he has no idea you'd like to be with him more often, and maybe that's why he doesn't ask to spend more time together. Or maybe he really is just waiting for you to openly want to spend more time with him. Who knows. You definitely should let him know though that you'd love to see him more often.



PS: I personally have no idea if we should feel the kind of passionate love. I have no idea if it can ever last longer than a few months or a year or whatever it does for most people. Some people claim it can last much longer. I don't know the trick to that.

[Que Sera Sera]

im curious to know if you have any type of reason for what prompted you to bring this up.

[leomama]

I could really reply to this topic. Im in a post engagement relationship and all I want is my soulmate back, despite the fact that I walked away from him over 2 years ago. You’ll know if you “really” love someone or not. More importantly, do they love you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TishaBuv]

This is a psychology article about limerence and ROCD. I think it addresses issues touched upon in this thread. I put trigger icon because it may be triggering to view emotions in this light. I find it pertinent for me and triggering . I hope you find it helpful.

And just for the record… My grandma actually coined the term of limerence as far back as I can remember (early ‘70’s), because she had it, but she called it something in Yiddish that meant ‘unrequited obsessive sickness’. Actually, she had both limerence and ROCD, others in my family too, and so do I .

You mentioned you have BPD, and I have traits, emotional issues, probably OCD.

Limerence And ROCD: Signs, Causes, Treatment

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well I keep hearing that people think feeling love has to be this crazy intense feeling. Usually intense feeling isn’t really love.

Having said that I find it curious that he isn’t interested in seeing you more than once a week. Usually it’s ok in the beginning but then most people would either want more or split. Of course you can ask to see him more but I just don’t understand why doesn’t he want to see you more

Do you live far away from each other?

1 hour of distance with car.
well he works everyday till 5 pm afternoon. We usually see on the weekend bc during the week he works till that hour and its impossible to see, he is tired. We see in the week end once so next morning he is not at work.
But i only see him 1 day of the weekend. The others he does stuff with his friends and i do too, i visit my friends.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I had to look up demisexual. I’ve never heard that term before. Do you feel an emotional connection to him? And I’m wondering why you said yes to a relationship on the first meeting if you didn’t feel chemistry? It sounds to me like you jumped in and said yes before deciding for yourself whether you really were completely interested. Chemistry is either there or it’s not. It cannot be fabricated or develop later. Same with love. After a year together you usually know whether you truly love someone or not, even if it is just once a week seeing each other. Lots of people can treat you nicely or respectfully, but if he doesn’t fully do it for you to feel you’re in love, what’s the point? Eventually you’ll break up because you know the chemistry’s not there. And you initially felt let down when you first met him, then sparks were not flying for you during the honeymooon phase as they should be. My main point is that if you never felt the chemistry in the initial stages, it won’t develop later. I get the sense you fell into this relationship vs fully evaluating and deciding that this guy is right for you. Seeing one another more won’t make up for a lack of chemistry. And I don’t think BPD would interfere with falling in love with someone though I don’t fully know.

I do feel affection towards him, i would get jealous thinking of him with another girl for example. Maybe this is still love but more quiet?
I feel this love some days, other days im neutral.
Yes i jumped in this relationship and I think bpd plays a big part. Fear of being alone, the emptiness I feel with bpd. I need distractions and I find them in romantic relationships. I like that my partner likes me and he give me attention.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I get what demisexuality is - unfortunately, as you know as well, seeing more of him and over a longer period of time won’t guarantee you’ll develop stronger feelings for him later. I agree it’s a factor you can’t really overlook, though. How do you think he would respond to you asking him to meet more often? It’s not an unreasonable request, though I’m also curious about why he doesn’t ask you if you can spend more time together. I’m only speculating of course, but it might be possible he’s just got comfortable with how things are, and doesn’t feel the need to try and move things to the next stage?

he does think about the future, he mentioned living together in a possible future. I think he is a person of habit, he has these routines he has to follow and doesnt like chaos, he needs order. So i think thats why he doesnt ask me to see me more often.
He plan his days.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Hey. Sounds like you have strong affection for your boyfriend but no passionate, intense romantic chemistry or "manic, magic" happiness. Love is defined as deep affection and attachment so I would say that based on your words you do feel love for him but it's more the long-term kind of love maybe. Also, maybe he has no idea you'd like to be with him more often, and maybe that's why he doesn't ask to spend more time together. Or maybe he really is just waiting for you to openly want to spend more time with him. Who knows. You definitely should let him know though that you'd love to see him more often.



PS: I personally have no idea if we should feel the kind of passionate love. I have no idea if it can ever last longer than a few months or a year or whatever it does for most people. Some people claim it can last much longer. I don't know the trick to that.

Yes, i think your thoughts about him could be true. Maybe he is waiting for me to say it, or, this is more possible, he doesnt know that i need more time. Because he cant read minds, and i never said this to him because at first i diddnt want to be seen as clingy.
I will try, set this goal for myself and tell him for sure...and see what he says.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by Que Sera Sera

im curious to know if you have any type of reason for what prompted you to bring this up.

i felt like i wasnt normal, wanted to see how other view love, maybe i wanted a confirmation that what i feel is love or is not love.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

This is a psychology article about limerence and ROCD. I think it addresses issues touched upon in this thread. I put trigger icon because it may be triggering to view emotions in this light. I find it pertinent for me and triggering . I hope you find it helpful.

And just for the record… My grandma actually coined the term of limerence as far back as I can remember (early ‘70’s), because she had it, but she called it something in Yiddish that meant ‘unrequited obsessive sickness’. Actually, she had both limerence and ROCD, others in my family too, and so do I .

You mentioned you have BPD, and I have traits, emotional issues, probably OCD.

Limerence And ROCD: Signs, Causes, Treatment

Could be more Rocd than limerence....few weeks ago ROCD videos started appearing on my youtube timeline and i watched one. I feel like what the woman said in the video, is similar to my situation. I constantly ask myself "do i love him? is this really love?" and based on my research, this is common with R OCD.
I have a few ocd tendencies that i recognize in myself, for example, sometimes I think that a song will bring me bad luck and if i skip over it i am safe. Other things i think will bring me bad luck and i do an action to preven that from happening.

[Rive.]

It feels more like a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Either there are sparks... or there aren't.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

I do feel affection towards him, i would get jealous thinking of him with another girl for example. Maybe this is still love but more quiet?
I feel this love some days, other days im neutral.
Yes i jumped in this relationship and I think bpd plays a big part. Fear of being alone, the emptiness I feel with bpd. I need distractions and I find them in romantic relationships. I like that my partner likes me and he give me attention.

Affection doesn't equate to love or being in love with someone. You can be fond of someone and feel affection towards them and not be in love. It seems you enjoy his attention and that he gives you companionship to keep you from being lonely. Is he in love with you?

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by Rive.

It feels more like a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Either there are sparks... or there aren't.

But there is sex and intimate things...he is not at the same level of my friends in my mind. i see him as a partner i want have a future with..maybe i already know the answer, that i do love him. Yesterday i was mentioning him every secondd to my friends....and now i have to see him and i feel nervous, happy...

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Affection doesn't equate to love or being in love with someone. You can be fond of someone and feel affection towards them and not be in love. It seems you enjoy his attention and that he gives you companionship to keep you from being lonely. Is he in love with you?

he is very picky and wouldn go with everyone, with every girl...i think he feels love. he told me tho...that he feels love.
And i feel like i feel that too? maybe im just confused because i see him in a hour, im excited, happy, i pampered myself, make myself look pretty for him...i feel excited and i cant wait.
i only feel this with him.
and also tonigh i want to ask him i f we can see more than once day a week. i need this to happen so i will ask him...because seeing once a week only....its difficult to know each other deeply.

[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

so i will ask him...because seeing once a week only....its difficult to know each other deeply.

Sometimes its way better this way

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Affection doesn't equate to love or being in love with someone. You can be fond of someone and feel affection towards them and not be in love. It seems you enjoy his attention and that he gives you companionship to keep you from being lonely. Is he in love with you?

It's true that affection doesn't equate to being in love with a partner. What do you see as a component of being in love or what is it to you overall? You mention in another post here that chemistry and emotional connection are elements, yes? Deep attachment? Anything else? Another question - What in the emotional connection would be different than with a family member or close friends? I'm personally curious about this whole topic/thread.

Originally Posted by Rive.

It feels more like a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Either there are sparks... or there aren't.

Do you think that these sparks (should) stay long term in the romantic relationship?

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

he is very picky and wouldn go with everyone, with every girl...i think he feels love. he told me tho...that he feels love.
And i feel like i feel that too? maybe im just confused because i see him in a hour, im excited, happy, i pampered myself, make myself look pretty for him...i feel excited and i cant wait.
i only feel this with him.
and also tonigh i want to ask him i f we can see more than once day a week. i need this to happen so i will ask him...because seeing once a week only....its difficult to know each other deeply.

Good luck to this! Let us know what he said.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

he is very picky and wouldn go with everyone, with every girl...i think he feels love. he told me tho...that he feels love.
And i feel like i feel that too? maybe im just confused because i see him in a hour, im excited, happy, i pampered myself, make myself look pretty for him...i feel excited and i cant wait.
i only feel this with him.
and also tonigh i want to ask him i f we can see more than once day a week. i need this to happen so i will ask him...because seeing once a week only....its difficult to know each other deeply.

You pointed out something that could be an important piece to all of this: once a week doesn't allow you to know each other deeply. Maybe you do need more time together in order to really know if you're in love or if you love him. Of course you're excited to see him when it's only once a week at this stage. And when you're in love, it's not always excitement and roses. But generally, people know when they actually love a person. It's a powerful feeling.