I'm going through a really hard time given that yet another person who used to treat me kindly walked out on me. I took to Facebook retail and fast food workers group (the person who walked out on me was someone I worked with) and got ridiculed. Some gave good advice but most of the comments were ridicule and criticism. I'm glad to have gotten banned from that group.

One of the comments were, "He didn't walk out on you. He transferred." Well duh no sh;t. He transferred but he didn't walk out on my coworkers. He walked out on me. They're not the one he's ignoring when he stops by to borrow stuff. I'm here to complain about these very coworkers, most of whom are ridicule me just as much, to the point that I wish they would just ignore me more. I'm just grateful for the few that are sympathetic.

My GM transferred at the end of March. But he walked out on me 6 weeks ago (idk beginning of May). That was when my coworkers and shift managers started looking down on me. It started with them generally not wanting to associate with me. When they did, it was to point out how I was supposed to do my job or to falsely tell me that the GM stopped by just to see my reaction. They also rub in who has such good relationship with the GM just to see me hurt.

idk if I did anything wrong to not get the sympathy I desperately need. But I do know every single day for the past 6 weeks, I always mention the GM and how much it hurts that he walked out on me. I also bite people's head off but only when they get in my way. Don't forget that the day that GM walked out on me I cried in the restroom for half an hour, leaving my coworkers to pick up the slack.

I had only a brief respite during the past 6 weeks when a shift manager revealed to me that when asked, that GM denied ignoring me. I felt relief, but it only lasted a week because when he stopped by yet again, he ignored me. He responds when I try to talk to him, but on the scale on 1-10 with 10 being the most outgoing and friendly, he's always at least an 8 with my coworkers but barely a 2 with me. Every time he's here!

Are my colleagues so depraved that they couldn't even try to lift up someone who's hurting and falling apart? Instead, they tear her down even further. They're not the one he pushed away. And more importantly, they're not the ones who had so many people walk out on them like I had.

I worked with some of these people for 3 years. I was never quite normal. But the most they did was laugh it off as they continued to accept me...until 6 weeks ago. Did they change their attitude because I was going through hard times?

[divine1966]

They changed their attitude because your behavior is not appropriate. They didn’t change it because of hard times.

Seek support from your therapist, not your colleagues

[Nammu]

You need that DBT program to deal with these borderline thoughts

[Molinit]

Ruby, you really need to discuss this problem with your therapist. I’m also afraid after this same thing occurring at every job maybe you shouldn’t be working until you can behave more appropriately with coworkers.

Originally Posted by divine1966

They changed their attitude because your behavior is not appropriate. They didn’t change it because of hard times.

Seek support from your therapist, not your colleagues

What behavior? The only thing I know of doing is talking about that GM to my coworkers every day. Not incessantly, but I mention him at least a few times per day, every single day. I even asked an hourly manager (C) why that GM pushed me away. C said he don’t know and to ask that GM instead.

What good would that do? It’s not like that GM would give me an answer or more importantly, come back around. And the day that GM went cold towards me, a coworker told me to stop crying and toughen up. I can’t.

The only person who’s colder is that manager from Arby’s. On the scale of 1-10, she’s an ice cold zero. The GM from McDonald’s is barely a 2. Both of them are at least an 8 with other people, just like they used to be with me.

Before I ever became rude and cynical, I was already talking about that GM because I couldn’t handle my devastation. But why should that alienate my coworkers? Why can’t they be supportive? I once asked a shift manager to be my therapist until I could get a therapy appointment. He said he can’t. It’s their lack of support that made me become rude and cynical, further alienating them.

Btw, yesterday I changed my first name to match his, but feminized of course. My current GM said she’ll need approval for that from her higher up. Same with my request for having 2 breaks available to me per shift. Pending approval. I really hope it gets approved. Cuz that GM don’t give a rats *** about me, not anymore.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Before I ever became rude and cynical, I was already talking about that GM because I couldn’t handle my devastation. But why should that alienate my coworkers? Why can’t they be supportive? I once asked a shift manager to be my therapist until I could get a therapy appointment. He said he can’t. It’s their lack of support that made me become rude and cynical, further alienating them.

You will need to put yourself in their shoes to understand why they said that.

Good luck.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

What behavior? The only thing I know of doing is talking about that GM to my coworkers every day. Not incessantly, but I mention him at least a few times per day, every single day. I even asked an hourly manager (C) why that GM pushed me away. C said he don’t know and to ask that GM instead.

What good would that do? It’s not like that GM would give me an answer or more importantly, come back around. And the day that GM went cold towards me, a coworker told me to stop crying and toughen up. I can’t.

The only person who’s colder is that manager from Arby’s. On the scale of 1-10, she’s an ice cold zero. The GM from McDonald’s is barely a 2. Both of them are at least an 8 with other people, just like they used to be with me.

Before I ever became rude and cynical, I was already talking about that GM because I couldn’t handle my devastation. But why should that alienate my coworkers? Why can’t they be supportive? I once asked a shift manager to be my therapist until I could get a therapy appointment. He said he can’t. It’s their lack of support that made me become rude and cynical, further alienating them.

Btw, yesterday I changed my first name to match his, but feminized of course. My current GM said she’ll need approval for that from her higher up. Same with my request for having 2 breaks available to me per shift. Pending approval. I really hope it gets approved. Cuz that GM don’t give a rats *** about me, not anymore.

Ruby it was explained to you many times that things you do and say on the job or about a job aren’t appropriate. Comn now you cgange your name to match managers name? Why???

Your coworkers are under no obligation to provide you with support. They are there to work

You also can’t expect coworkers to support you in your complains about your manager. That’s not a reasonable expectation

[MickeyCheeky]

i am afraid i must agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. Please do seek therapy as it feels like you may need that. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @ruby2011, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

But I do know every single day for the past 6 weeks, I always mention the GM and how much it hurts that he walked out on me.

The only thing I know of doing is talking about that GM to my coworkers every day. Not incessantly, but I mention him at least a few times per day, every single day.

I want to add this.

Rule #1 in business. Your personal feelings, your emotions are *not* your coworkers' business.

(No pun intended)


I agree with the posts in here that suggested going to a therapist. Until then, endure and survive.

Again, good luck.

[divine1966]

I have people at work who like to complain about administration. Unless they are actually my friends outside of work I don’t partake in such conversations and stir away from these people. Most people don’t want to talk too much about management, it often gets back to management and it serves no purpose. Talk to a therapist or a doctor about not coping. Your coworkers can’t help here

Btw To get an extra break you’ll need doctors note

Originally Posted by divine1966

I have people at work who like to complain about administration. Unless they are actually my friends outside of work I don’t partake in such conversations and stir away from these people. Most people don’t want to talk too much about management, it often gets back to management and it serves no purpose. Talk to a therapist or a doctor about not coping. Your coworkers can’t help here

Btw To get an extra break you’ll need doctors note

Not management per se. More like someone who used to give a damn about me before he walked out on me. If he were a just a coworker and he did that, I’d talk about him all the same.

A department manager (one step down from GM) told me today that naming myself after that GM who transferred is borderline psychotic.

What about the 2 old men (best friends) who used to come in every morning ordering the same thing? Then one day, one of them passed away and the remaining one now comes in every morning in his BFF’s memory. He would order his own food and what his BFF used to order.

I’m only changing my name in the memory of someone who used to treat me kindly and generally cared what I had to say. Especially considering when I first started working with him, I was dealing with insurance and legal issues following my car wreck. And also trying to heal from my manager at Arby’s.

I stopped drinking over that Arby’s incident because he listened. Nobody ever listened before.

And I’M psycho?! Anyway I have a few coworkers that hadn’t looked down on me willing to call me by my new name. Nobody cares about me. Everyone who ever did walked out on me.

I’m entering therapy at a walk in clinic to deal with depression and being pushed out all the time by the people I trusted and counted on. That’s what I told them I need therapy for.

BTW, does love even exist beyond love for candy and material stuff? Or is it just a myth?

[divine1966]

I thought you had a caseworker who is overseeing your job placement. Do you now don’t have anyone permanent? Walk in is fine but you need consistent treatment. Do you have health insurance? Are you on state insurance?

Originally Posted by divine1966

I thought you had a caseworker who is overseeing your job placement. Do you now don’t have anyone permanent? Walk in is fine but you need consistent treatment. Do you have health insurance? Are you on state insurance?

I have Obamacare. My previous provider moved out of state and referred me to the walk in clinic. They told me they’ll call me in 2 weeks to set up an appointment. It turned out they called me yesterday and said the earliest available appointment is in October. I took it.

In the meantime, that same department manager who refused to call me by my new name informally agreed to be my “therapist.” Not knowing my diagnosis, he immediately said I’m borderline and he was right! I was formally diagnosed 3 months ago. I don’t look up to that department manager like I looked up to that GM, but I’ll need him as a therapist to proceed my grief.

My “caseworker” had always actually been my job developer. She works with VR to place me in jobs. However, my job at McDonald’s and Arbys was independently applied for and she’s only responsible for follow along.

[eskielover]

I thought you also said previously that you were diagnosed with ASD?

Originally Posted by eskielover

I thought you also said previously that you were diagnosed with ASD?

Yes. Before elementary school. idk if I have that anymore though. I might be the 1 in 50 who become fully normal (optimal outcome). But that doesn't mean that those still on the spectrum can't lead normal lives. They just have Aspergers.

My borderline is precluding me from a normal life though. I had moved out of my parents house 4 years ago, only to return 6 months later bc that supervisor from Arby's was so harshly rejecting I ended up with daily mental breakdown. I stopped driving. I stopped doing much of anything a normal adult is expected to do.

[divine1966]

ASD doesn’t go away but it’s possible you were misdiagnosed. I recommend you see a psychiatrist or bring it up to your GP.

If you have BPD, you need regular therapy, preferably DBT

[lizardlady]

I told myself to stay out of this, but feel I have to chime in.

Ruby, I am going to join in with others. Work is work. Your co-workers and manager are NOT your therapist. Work is NOT the place to discuss your emotional problems. I've worked fast food. Gotta say the people I worked with were not the kindest people in the world. They gossiped and laughed at people who were "different." I'm not surprised to hear that people who previously were polite to you have turned "mean." Stop talking about the GM who left. Forget changing your name. If you need to go home because you are emotionally upset don't tell them that. Just tell them you don't feel well or don't tell them anything. Clock out and go home.

Talk to your caseworker from VR about helping you find a different kind of job. That's what they are there for. It's commendable that you found a job on your own, but it doesn't sound like a good placement for you.

[Alive99]

I'm not going to diagnose anyone but I had a bf once who was the same in many ways - He was primarily Dependent PD with entitlement, secondarily Borderline

My personal opinion is OP is not ready for independent life (no pun intended again). Not ready for a normal full time job

Ready maybe after a few years of intensive psychotherapy and such, or for a special job environment

OP only managed until now because that manager gave special support. But it should never have been the manager doing that, it should have been the years of intensive psychotherapy done first.

We are not going to be able to help here.

Managers and the like either at work will not be able to help you, OP. They will always run out of energy after a while because it just plain isn't sustainable by anyone, no matter how well-meaning, as it isn't a therapy environment with the right boundaries and background support for the therapist as well. So OP, you are just going to hurt yourself further that way. Be patient and wait until you get into therapy.

I worked at this McDonald’s store for 3 years and counting. I also worked at another McDonald’s store from 2009-2010. They are both within the same franchise. I worked at Arby’s from 2015-2017. In all 3 occasions, almost everyone was kind and supportive, especially some management people. That was how I came to look up to the GM in the first place.

At my current job, I remember being included in people’s conversations. I was accepted even with my idiosyncrasies. Recently, however, these same people purposely leave me out. When they do talk to me, it’s mostly to make fun of me. Half of those willing to call me by my new name does it to laugh at me. The rest of them are simply honoring my request.

I have very few coworkers left who are still on my side, a couple of which agreed to do “therapy” with me. I also asked a few coworkers to be my sisters and they said yes. I don’t have siblings you know.

And don’t get me started on my recent shake buying ritual. The GM had liked me the entire time before he transferred. Back in February one day, he was at a table having a small strawberry shake topped with Oreos. I asked him where’s mine, not really expecting anything. He then offered to buy me a shake, to which I said yes and please make it the exact same way.

So I ended up with that small strawberry with Oreo topping paid for with his Apple Pay. It’s quite chilling remembering my next response. I told him he’s so good and don’t ever transfer. He said he’ll have to eventually. And back then neither of us knew he would be gone a month and a half later lol.

But I shoulda saw it coming cuz nothing good in my life ever lasted long. I shoulda known he’s gonna change as a person like so many others had.

Yet, the one way I deal with my grief is to keep the memory alive of the person he used to be. Changing my name and buying shakes for myself or for the bum outside helps me cope. And it’s always strawberry with Oreos.

I need to talk to my sister now

Originally Posted by Alive99

I'm not going to diagnose anyone but I had a bf once who was the same in many ways - He was primarily Dependent PD with entitlement, secondarily Borderline

My personal opinion is OP is not ready for independent life (no pun intended again). Not ready for a normal full time job

Ready maybe after a few years of intensive psychotherapy and such, or for a special job environment

OP only managed until now because that manager gave special support. But it should never have been the manager doing that, it should have been the years of intensive psychotherapy done first.

We are not going to be able to help here.

Managers and the like either at work will not be able to help you, OP. They will always run out of energy after a while because it just plain isn't sustainable by anyone, no matter how well-meaning, as it isn't a therapy environment with the right boundaries and background support for the therapist as well. So OP, you are just going to hurt yourself further that way. Be patient and wait until you get into therapy.

What kind of special job environment are you referring to?

[eskielover]

You need an accurate diagnoses by professionals. That way they understand where your inappropriate behaviors are coming from & why when people tell you something you really don't even comprehend what they are actually telling you. You need an accurate diagnosed so that hopefully you can be taught appropriate behaviors in general & in the work place. It is obvious you are not capable of being independent & like our psychologist told my ex in couples counseling that he had the emotional maturity of a teenager at the age of 54. If you don't get good treatment for whatever is causing you to behave this way, that is where you will end up too & people just don't have the patience to deal with people like that unless they are trained to deal with developmentally handicapped people & understand what their accurately diagnosed condition really is. It is NOT something treated or dealt with in the workplace. This is totally an issue that needs to be dealt with by professionals in the mental health profession.

But that doesn't mean that those still on the spectrum can't lead normal lives. They just have Aspergers

BTW, It totally depends on where a person lies on the spectrum.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

a couple of which agreed to do “therapy” with me. I also asked a few coworkers to be my sisters and they said yes. I don’t have siblings you know.

Yet, the one way I deal with my grief is to keep the memory alive of the person he used to be. Changing my name and buying shakes for myself or for the bum outside helps me cope. And it’s always strawberry with Oreos.

I need to talk to my sister now

You are overstepping professional boundaries asking coworkers to do whatever you call "therapy." with you.

The changing of your name is creepy. Buying the same shake for the person outside is strange.

Ruby, I'll tell you the truth and then I'm going to leave your threads alone. Sometimes it seems like you fill your posts with weirder and weirder details and it almost feels like you're playing with us.

If you really are behaving like this at your workplace, you have no business working at all. If you're not on disability, you should probably look into that.

Originally Posted by Molinit

You are overstepping professional boundaries asking coworkers to do whatever you call "therapy." with you.

The changing of your name is creepy. Buying the same shake for the person outside is strange.

Ruby, I'll tell you the truth and then I'm going to leave your threads alone. Sometimes it seems like you fill your posts with weirder and weirder details and it almost feels like you're playing with us.

If you really are behaving like this at your workplace, you have no business working at all. If you're not on disability, you should probably look into that.

I wish I could honestly say I was f”cking with you guys. Unfortunately, the details of my post actually happened. This is why my life is unbearable and excruciating.

Originally Posted by eskielover

You need an accurate diagnoses by professionals. That way they understand where your inappropriate behaviors are coming from & why when people tell you something you really don't even comprehend what they are actually telling you. You need an accurate diagnosed so that hopefully you can be taught appropriate behaviors in general & in the work place. It is obvious you are not capable of being independent & like our psychologist told my ex in couples counseling that he had the emotional maturity of a teenager at the age of 54. If you don't get good treatment for whatever is causing you to behave this way, that is where you will end up too & people just don't have the patience to deal with people like that unless they are trained to deal with developmentally handicapped people & understand what their accurately diagnosed condition really is. It is NOT something treated or dealt with in the workplace. This is totally an issue that needs to be dealt with by professionals in the mental health profession.

BTW, It totally depends on where a person lies on the spectrum.

Exactly. Aspergers lead normal lives. Autism don’t.

Neurotypicals do unless they have mental illness. I moved completely off the spectrum at the end of high school only to be hit with borderline (which I’m sure I had some features of as well throughout my childhood).

I been treated as ASD throughout my 20s until I saw a specialist who worked extensively with personality disorders. Every other therapist I saw attributed my craziness to ASD. But I’m too socially savvy to be aspergers.

What else can I do while I wait for my appointment?