[BorisTheAnimal]

Up until recently I’ve been pretty tolerant of my dad. Due to the COVID bs we were stuck all under the same roof. And you know what happens when people are couped up too long. You start to see that which didn’t in the past.
It never occurred to me how he truly is selfish, demanding and narcissistic. And I think the reasons I have sleeping issues, and the eeking out of my anxiety is because of him.
I think it’s time to walk away, and now my financial difficulties are over. I have the means to do so. Because he is never going to change ever. And my sanity and happiness is more important....yes?

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[RoxanneToto]

I agree. If I could do my life over again, (especially, or really just if, I could retain everything I know already), I’d move out much sooner.

[poshgirl]

I agree too!

I've walked away from my manipulative mother. Should have done it years ago. Problem I have however is it's my birthday soon. My aunt wants us to get together for lunch. Also, so mother and I can see her new house. I've not heard anything since it was mentioned two weeks ago.

Have realised my mother has absolutely no empathy. Everything revolves around her. I'm yet another person she won't speak to

[BorisTheAnimal]

What makes it hard is that he is 84 years old and really can't be left alone anymore. Problem is if my brother and I remain there our lives will be destroyed. How do you get past the imposing guilt that will come from this? Even though in reality we shouldn't have any guilt because he's very selfish and controlling. And he won't leave you alone if you are in the house, "get me this" "do this for me" "me me me me me me"

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry about what is going on! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i partly agree with the other wie and wonderful posters that this may be necessary as well if you have exhausted every other option already. Unfortunately i think it can be hard sometimes. i Hope things will improve really soon regardless of what decision you make. Please be Kind to yourself and others and do update us if possible if you want to. Also take care of yourself and others. Stay Safe. Do try your best. Love. Be kind. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @BorisTheAnimal, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[RoxanneToto]

I can understand the guilt, though my dad was the same (I know I mentioned it on another thread, but I do get you!). If my mum had died before him, I’d have gained my independence one way or another, because there’s no way I could have lived with him if it was just us two, but I know I would still have had those guilty feelings. I’m guessing you can’t get him into care?

[BorisTheAnimal]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I can understand the guilt, though my dad was the same (I know I mentioned it on another thread, but I do get you!). If my mum had died before him, I’d have gained my independence one way or another, because there’s no way I could have lived with him if it was just us two, but I know I would still have had those guilty feelings. I’m guessing you can’t get him into care?

The VA attempted to send some people to the house to help him out. The only requirement was to clear up his clutter. But he just refuses to cooperate. Today he told my brother and I we need to do more with helping him out. When I ask him what, his response is "You need to figure that out". Well, I'm not a mind reader and I'm not a home health care provider either. His problem is he thinks he can still order us around and of course that generates friction and arguing. All that has done is create resentment, and he equates caring with kissing his *** and doing his bidding at the expense of your own wants and happiness. Part of the problem is he uses his illness as weapon and continually says He Can't when Yes he can, he has just decided that he's not doing it anymore.

[poshgirl]

BorisTheAnimal, please don't surrender your independence.

He wants you to "figure out" what to do for him. When you do, then he'll be even more manipulative. The list will become never-ending. He's trying to take over your and your brother's lives.

As I mentioned when you posted before, nothing you do will be right. My mother said on at least two occasions " I appreciate what you do for me but..." It's a big word for so few letters! Not surprised that my brother hasn't contacted me. Believes everything she says about me. Must be very frustrating for her that she can no longer use me as a punchbag (not literally!). Thinking back to various events, I've allowed myself to be manipulated and only now do I have the courage to say enough is enough.

[moodyblue83]

I would agree that when it gets to that point where your sanity is at risk ,
then it’s time to walk away. If you have the means then you should go out
there and try and make a life for yourself. I think this holds true no matter who
it is. If it can’t be fixed then it’s broken. You can still try and have some kind
of relationship , but from a distance. And don’t let him try and lay a
guilt trip on you.