When Your Ex Won't Stop...

I have her blocked. It's a long story that I don't feel like rehashing, but she is the reason I've been seeing doctors, undergoing testing, and my primary care told me to seek therapy. Which I am. I talked to her about stress and anxiety being the possible cause of my symptoms and she believes it's possible after I spoke to her about this relationship and others involved.

Although I have her blocked and removed most of the mutual friends. I had to block someone because they reposted her passive aggressive post toward me. I had people delete me because she's spreading false things about me or painting herself as the victim. This was a very abusive, toxic relationship and no I'm not surprised this is happening, but how do I deal with this? There are some people who know the truth but still support and encourage her.

I recognize I have no control over what she does. I can't force people to see me in any kind of light. I don't have anything to prove. But how do I deal with and cope with someone who smears my reputation and name? Who spreads lies about me? I literally have 30+ screenshots of how she treated me. The moment I broke up with her I was in Urgent Care, hadn't slept for nearly 48 hours because I was so stressed and anxious with what she was putting me through. And she was there laughing at me and taunting me while knowing I was in urgent care. That was the moment I said we were over and cut ties.

I have friends in this community. I don't want to leave and lose my real friends. I feel like I deserve to be there as much as she, her toxic cronies and anyone else. I am sick of shrinking myself to make others comfortable. Yet at the same time, I have to put up with immature nonsense. I really don't know what to do or what is the best way to handle this. I don't want to participate in her ongoing drama by responding and giving her attention. Or any of her friends engaging in the same behavior. This is tough.

The best thing you can do is hold your head high, wish her toxic self and all her cronies well and know that your true friends, the ones who really count, will stand by you. Feel good in knowing you’re done with her toxic crap. And those who believe her? You’re right. You can’t control that. But hold onto the people who stick by you and lean on them for support. And whatever you do, continue to hold your head high.

Seems like this is all I can do. I'll keep doing that. I hope one day people will know or realize the truth. I sincerely haven't spread anything or trashed her. People ask me about her and I simply say that we parted ways and that's all I am willing to comment about her. I'm certainly not going out of my way to make her unhappy or miserable. I just want to stay in my lane and move on with my life.

Yes - it's all you can do. And if these people don't see the truth, well, that's a shame because this person wreaked havoc in your life and made you very unwell.

It's great that you're not speaking ill of her - that speaks volumes about the high calibre of person you are.

Best to simply distance yourself from all the toxic negativity as best as you can, live your life as best as you can, and move forwards and onwards to a far happier existence. Your happiness and well being are very important - taking care of that is paramount. If you do that, you will be just fine.

So smile and enjoy your life again, without her in it. And tra la la - off you skip into the sunshine with a far happier mentality and peace of mind! lol.

I was just laughing at this because it made me happy and smile. You're right. I spent about a month processing what happened to me and what she put me through. And I'm very ready to just move forward.

I'm actually finding other places on the internet that give me a sense of belonging, where I'm not entirely sure this other community is for me. I was thinking about it this morning. A place where, people who used to be friends put their heads in the sand while someone else with more power in the community trashes and abuses me. You know, they don't stick up for bullying there. They just pretend it's not happening but support the more popular person. For all I've done and given to this community over the years, and I mean...I've poured money into helping it and making a difference. And my time. These people could absolutely could care less about me. Some of them know about the abuse I went through and still support and call this person such a good amazing person while they talked to me in private about how awful it was but won't make a statement or stand.

This is not the kind of energy I vibe with. I vibe with justice, authenticity, and genuine kindness. I've found places, like here, I can just be myself and no one, no one harasses me. And it's such a different kind of experience than what I've had there. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with that community and perhaps not me. I'm spending more time in those places that make me feel happy.

I really hope she gets the help she needs and healing someday. I saw her post "all I want for Christmas is someone who won't leave." And I'm like...MAYBE if you stopped abusing people they would stop leaving? Go get help, darling.

I focus more on my journey and my healing. I love the changes I am witnessing within myself.

Same here! I can sooo relate to what you’re saying about the kind of people you vibe with. Justice, authenticity and genuine kindness are what attract me to my tribe of people.

So let the poison seep out of you, stick with your tribe and you’ll be soooo much better off.

And glad I could bring some cheer. 🤗🤗🤗

You know what's wild? I am smiling in selfies again. I know, in the grand scheme of things, that is hardly a big deal.

But this has been the first time I started smiling in photos since 2019. I can actually SEE myself getting happier and I love it.

That's so GREAT!

Thank you for your support and kindness, I appreciate it very deeply.

Anytime!!! Be well, be strong and keep on moving forward.

I'm so sorry to hear about what's happening to you. Everything that I've bold up and made red... I'm not sure what your finance are... but I recommend that you contact a lawyer to see if you can take civil action against your Ex.. shes causing you a great distress and slandering you on social media.


The only way that you can stop her from doing what shes doing is to take her to civil court, and sue her for slandering you on social media platform. Be sure to save as many screenshots as possible.

We weren't engaged though. And I ended up leaving the website because it was in general, a toxic environment, and I found different communities that make me feel loved and accepted. If she continues to openly be herself, people will put it together. But I no longer care if anyone knows the truth. I have nothing to prove. In my own way, I have found my inner and outer peace and I'm moving on to better things. Even if they did know the truth, people on that site love and support toxic people out of a blind sense of loyalty. They think if someone if you're a friend or romantic partner you MUST be loyal no matter what even if they are cruel and abusive to you or others. I disagree with this mentality. I peaced out.

After my experience with her. I don't know what is the truth or a lie. She talked almost constantly about her ex's and how horrible they were. I don't know if she was making it up or not. And well, it's not my journey and none of my business now.

She wanted a relationship with me immediately after a breakup. She basically jumped from a guy she was moving in with to me almost overnight. And I said that we need to take this slow. I went through trauma recently and am still healing, and you just went through this and ended a relationship the other day. We should approach this slowly and with care, and focus on our healing. I was love bombed, and manipulated. She would intentionally make me uncomfortable, laugh about it, and then be like "Oh I didn't mean it that way seems like I do EVERYTHING WRONG. "And then we'd fight. I spent almost an entire month of our relationship fighting nearly every day. Because I would address her behavior, she would fight, then apologize and ask me to give her another chance because she was REALLY falling in love with me. I'd say yes. I had no idea she would flirting behind my back with a good friend of mine and he never told me either.

We got to the seventh or so conversation where she said, "I'm sorry just give me one more chance, you're a great person and I want to be with you. I can work on myself." And I was like...you know, we've had this conversation several times. And you never actually change your behavior, you just do it again. I asked what exactly she was doing to work on herself? Because I was over here getting into therapy, talking to my doctor, reading a book about healing trauma, doing affirmations, and actually working on myself. I was like...so...what are you doing to work on yourself?

She said a vague thing about trying to get a therapist on the following Monday but that's the last time she ever mentioned it to me and it never happened.

We were pursuing something and I was trying to take it slow and gentle, she wanted to rush into it. It's wild that whatever we had was only for about two months and it did so much damage to my mental and physical health.