What do I do?

Hi everyone. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.
Me and my fiancé went on a break after I hurt him. I accept and admit the issues that happened.
We agreed to have a break but during the break his mother got serious Sick and he told me he couldn’t focus on a relationship right now. However he still wants me in his life. We were engaged to get married and even started the adoption process.
He is genuinely the love of my life and would do anything to fix this and try get back on try. I understand there is going to be a lot of hard work to put into to try and gain the trust back. I’m not going to say what I did but I didn’t physically cheat on him.
I’m completely lost and dunno what to do. As I said he’s the love of my life and would honestly fight for the rest of my life for him and give him the time and space he wants. I just can’t give up.
Am I wasting my time or being delusional at all? I’m completely lost without him. I need to move out of our home which I will do to respect that as I’d do anything for him and to try and fix this relationship. Can anyone give me any advice at all. I’m complete lost without him

I'm so sorry you are in the situation you describe. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.

Wish I had some great advice for you because I want to be helpful, but I am at a loss. People can be incredibly complex and their future behavior difficult to predict.

Even people who have been married for 50 years are sometimes greatly surprised by the behavior of those they have known and loved for so long.

Sometimes the good things we do to make things right can make things worse. Sometimes not. Sometimes doing nothing can be helpful. But sometimes not. It is so difficult to know what to do.

Passions too are often unpredictable. They can warm or cool. They can turn icy or spark into flame.

Psychology studies human beings "in general" but sadly people are always infinitely more than "in general." People are unique individuals. So what works in the abstract can sometimes be unhelpful.

It sounds like you have a very good heart and that you really care, so hopefully that will go a long way towards influencing your fiance.

I wish I knew more about everything in life. Hopefully other members here on the Forum will see your post and respond to it with more helpful words than my poor words.

You deserve a good life where you can have some peace of mind and joy of living. I hope things turn out for the best for you. I am rooting for you!

When a person tells you that they can’t focus on relationships and they need a break, it always means they are breaking up with you but think that this way it’s not as hard for you and it’s less chance of an argument. Cowardly way to end it by slowly fading out. I’d stop waiting for him and move on. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out.

It is hard to advise when things are so vague from what you are telling us. I am not asking for details but IF you feel you hurt him I would consider: is his reaction proportionate to the supposed hurt you inflicted? (seeing you said you did not cheat on him)

IF yes, then give him space.
IF no, then move on, as he is not reacting in an emotionally mature way.

We all have boundaries and it sounds like you seriously crossed his.

I think it all comes down to how much he values your relationship.

Are you worried about us judging you in terms of what you did? You said it wasn’t physical but there are other ways to cheat that don’t involve touch. Not saying you did but you threw out the comments about not physically cheating so I thought it’s another form.

Have you figured out why you did what you did that caused the breakup?

Sir Quincy, I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom for you. I would like to addressed something said by others. Some you commented that he must not value the relationship if he says he doesn't have time for one right now. I'd like to give a personal POV. The last year and a half of her life my mother was repeatedly in and out of a nursing home, hospital and assisted living facility. While I did not provide her direct care it was up to me to see to it she got the care she needed. Add to that I was working 60+ hours a week. I was so exhausted I did not know if I was coming or going. I would not have had the time or energy for a relationship.

It could be that the guy is making an excuse. It could also be the guy really doesn't have the energy a relationship requires.

We all had times in life when we had no time for relationships. Actually majority of my adult life i had absolutely no time for relationships. So I wasn’t pursuing any

However when you are already in a relationship, if he’s you telling that he has no time for it, it doesn’t really matter if he is lying, making excuses or really has no time for it.

The bottom line he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.

What stands out to me is your saying you have built your life around him. It’s not healthy to build your life around another person. It’s better to have your own interests and him have interests of his own as well. Otherwise you risk being too immeshed which can suffocate the other person who may end up desiring a break for a sense of their personal freedom.

I also think that it would unfortunately usually mean this. Maybe work on yourself more (posting here is helpful for some) and read up about boundaries. It does sound as if you've perhaps crossed some of his. Or maybe he is an A hole.... A holes, naturally, also have boundaries. I agree, it is cowardly of him to end it by slowly fading out. He probably has poor communication skills and was afraid of an argument.

eta. I read your post again. He still wants you in his life... can you say more?

How are things now? What are your interests and values in life?