Feels weirder to open up to others the older you get

I totally agree, as we mature we become more aware of what comes out of our mouths and know whether or not it's necessary for others to know. You're right, no one wants to hear everything other people are going through. Even if I do open up, I keep it more vague and only share more if I think they need to know or if they truly want to know which basically is never the case. Also I've adopted the mindset of "not my circus, not my monkeys" mentality" since I don't have to worry about every little thing that goes on.

I agree, unless someone really genuinely wants to know which is rare or even in some cases, I use what I'm going through as an example, then I'll open up. Otherwise I keep quiet since I know most people genuinely don't want to hear it.

Ah that wasn't what I was trying to say. I find it's easiest to talk with and deal with family, personally. I like the loudness, too. I just am low and tired often now

How do you end up feeling bad after venting?

It has to do with the fact that I know lots of people don't like hearing others vent, I know some are okay with it but others get very uncomfortable. I've also seen people talk bad about someone who vented to them, basically calling them a negative person even if the person had a legitimate reason for venting. I don't want anyone to see me as a negative person, I don't like burdening people with my problems. I also am afraid to be seen as immature or unable to handle things myself since it can come off that way depending on the situation and who you're venting too, just makes me feel worse after venting to someone and once I tell them everything is fine after all then I feel better.

I am 75 and find it just as easy as when I was younger, to open up to people.

I see....have you ever seen anyone who didn't require you to reassure them that you are fine again? I think it would be a sign of a good relationship if you can find someone where you do not get to feel bad like this or like you are required to reassure them that you are not just some negative person

Oh okay that’s good.

I know a few people that don’t require me to reassure them that I’m fine. It gets exhausting having to reassure people. It almost feels as if they don’t trust me in some weird way or that I’m in a constant state of despair even though I vent very little. I agree that being around people that don’t assume you’re just simply a negative person is beneficial since it allows you to vent without having to worry what they will think.

That's great that you know some nice, reasonable people like that....I would say those people who want to assume that you are in a "constant state of despair" are just fairweather friends and the like who are really self-absorbed and so extremely concerned with their own comfort. So that they overreact like that. It's a stupid, ridiculous and absurd idea of theirs really.

Exactly and in fact, people who are like that are usually miserable themselves so they enjoy the constant back and forth negative talk that comes from two people who may be having a bad day. I've learned to keep an eye out for those kinds of people and make sure I never open myself up to them, no need to encourage any more negativity than there already is.

I also think that anyone who wants to assume that someone is in a ''constant state of despair'' is very self absorbed and overly concerned with their own comfort. Many times overreactions and assumptions like that are absurd and ridiculous, and totally about that person who makes too many assumptions, and is likely very miserable.

You're absolutely right, most people I know who make absurd assumptions are actually miserable and usually are the ones with whatever feelings they're projecting on others. I knew a few depressed people in high school and college who always assumed I was depressed as well, although I did feel lonely a lot, I wasn't depressed to the point of constant misery and despair like they thought. I also have a very negative coworker that projects her negativity on others and assumes everyone else feels the same way about the job as she does. She assumes that I hate the job just as much as she does even though it's not true and its just her projecting her negativity on me and others, very self centered behavior and it stems from her own misery and that goes for anyone who acts that way.

A recent family event and a friend's comments shows how complex this situation can be.

We tell friends things we wouldn't tell family. Then there's what we tell some friends but not others.

Know it sounds complicated but I think it can be summed up as knowing your audience. Trust, empathy, brain connection all have a part to play in why we open up to some people and not others.

Of course, there are those who have no filter whatsoever and think they have to tell everyone everything about their lives.

Yep I absolutely agree, I'm more open with friends than I ever have been with family. I keep all personal matters away from family, only exception is if it's something that requires me to be at the doctors or hospital immediately. There's even some stuff I wouldn't tell some friends, I agree it all depends on the audience. Usually I keep work related stuff at work and really even talk to friends about it since they wouldn't understand and really wouldn't care, I definitely don't tell family anything though since they're judgmental.