I dont understand why he had so much contempt towards me

I think it’s rather interesting that even though he said he doesn’t care about you 6-7 times, told you to shut the f up and called you horrible names, you stayed on the phone. Honestly rather than focusing on why he was so nasty (no way to find an answer) maybe it’s time to focus on why would you stay on the phone with the person you don’t even know while they cuss you out, call you bad names and show total disregard for you. I think finding answers to why you have no self respect and allow such blatant disrespect rather than focusing on him.

Thank you on elaborating that.You do have an insight into why he snapped suddenly.I do agree with you.Something might be already brewing in his mind when you called three weeks ago.Can be work issue causing him stress and your statement sort of became the straw that broke the camel's back,so to speak.I am glad you are not upset.I wish you luck in finding the right guy so that you can move on.

Thanks. Yeah he always tells me he gets stressed as it is. Due to his job and other things on his plate. At the time he also had the covid virus and was isolating in his room.
Im sure that didnt help matters

I don't think you needed to apologize to him after he blew off your 4 phone calls. Why apologize, when he was the one dismissing and ignoring you? And he ignored your text after ignoring your 4 phone calls, explaining yourself. Yet, you persisted, and still contacted him two more times after that. That was your mistake. He sent a clear signal that he did not want to pursue things, yet you persisted and persisted, then it blew up. I would have walked away the moment he began blowing me off.

So two and a half weeks after I called to arrange a proper time to meet and he completely ignored my calls and messages. I messaged on WhatsApp saying we should meet, he ignored. I called about four times, the last two calls it seemed like he purposely rejected them. I just thought at that point we'd been speaking for ages, and after not meeting for so long due to all the lockdowns, why not just actually get it done finally. I then texted apologising for the fact we didnt meet… Again i just got blanked.

Following that, I called after Christmas in Jan.

So two months later I call the guy again, don't ask why I bothered. But i wanted to know why he didn't open my whatsapp message. Found it weird.

Not to argue the point but in your original post you say you called him four times and he ignored all calls AND your following text message. Then you called again after Christmas, then again two months later. So you did not just call twice. I count 6-7 times.

The bottom line you do not know this guy. You don’t know if he had or didn’t have covid and what stress he had it even his living conditions or his life style. You know nothing about him. He is a stranger. Enduring abuse and name calling from a total stranger as well as repeatedly calling a total stranger who refuses to answer to you is totally unnecessary. Your willingness to accept abuse and mistreatment needs to be your focus, not he and his life. He isn’t important. You act as you are in a relationship with him so you have to figure him out, you have never met and aren’t in a relationship so figuring him out is an exercise in futility. You don’t know him. Understanding strangers is a waste of time. Try to understand yourself. I recommend therapy to help with that

I think I've repeated myself several times already.

The only time he was "abusive"... was the last time we spoke. I have not spoken to him since
My background and education is in mental health and psychology, therefore i automatically analyse behaviour. Its what i do.

So two and a half weeks after I called to arrange a proper time to meet and he completely ignored my calls and messages. I messaged on WhatsApp saying we should meet, he ignored. I called about four times, the last two calls it seemed like he purposely rejected them. I just thought at that point we'd been speaking for ages, and after not meeting for so long due to all the lockdowns, why not just actually get it done finally. I then texted apologising for the fact we didnt meet straight after our videochat. I just assumed maybe he was annoyed or something. But i explained i wasnt well and a couple other reasons and just said it would be nice to meet finally. Again i just got blanked. Obviously after that I gave up. I tried my best.

Following that, I called after Christmas in Jan. A few months went by and I thought let me see if he gives me some kind of explanation for why he acted that way. See if he picks the phone at least and what hes been doing. I was honestly just curious as he's the one whos brought up meetings himself multiples times, even before the videochat, and when the opportunity presented itself, why did he flake.
It wss pointless in the end as he didnt mention one thing about it, acted totally normal. I was dumb enough to not directly ask him either 🤦*♀️. We spoke normally for two hours, both acted as if everything was good, he asked me what id been upto and that was that. He ended the convo said he had to go and do something for his sister so i assumed he would ring back as he said to give him two minutes. About half n hour later i whatsapped and said you must be busy tc. He didnt call back nor did he open the message i.e left it unread!!!! Two months went by and still it was unread. Strange.

So two months later I call the guy again, don't ask why I bothered. But i wanted to know why he didn't open my whatsapp message. .

That’s exactly what the original post said. That she called four times, he ignored those calls, and then she texted and he ignored the text. Then she at Christmas called again and then again months later. I don’t see where this information was corrected in the thread.

That’s exactly what the original post said. That she called four times, he ignored those calls, and then she texted and he ignored the text. Then she at Christmas called again and then again months later. I don’t see where this information was corrected in the thread.

OP, are you saying you didn’t call him four times and that he did not ignore those calls or your following text?

I find this thread rather interesting. I can't help but notice, how this all started with OP being confused and not understanding that guys blow up.And slowly progressed to OP explaining away( his feeling rejected or everyone has anger...)...so on and so forth.OP while disagreeing with some of the posters ,comes across as she already knew all answers.She says she has an insight into guys blow up in her posts.Did any one else notice she somewhat answered her own question?We responded depending on the info she told us.I think she does know the real reason to why that happened. I believe we donot have the entire picture .She even stated in a reply to me that she thinks guy is a complete sociopath.( Refer to post: 31.)

Now my question to banana mist is.....If you thought he was a sociopath, you definitely saw red flags all along. Did you? Then why call ,text or WhatsApp the guy ?Why did you kept communicating for so long? Why call him on the fateful day to follow up on that coffee date? It didn't make sense to me.If I were you I would run a mile from a sociopath and you were running towards him.Hmmmmmm. You many times contradicted your own statements.I also find it strange that you stayed long enough on the phone to hear a lot of derogatory terms hurled at you.Why????? Why not cut the call short and block his %&#.You said you have self respect in response to another poster.I would like to hear your definition of self respect.

And finally my suggestion,
When you are truly interested in a guy,meet him in person as soon as you are comfortable, so that you get to know him for real.Please donot waste years on strangers.

My original question was about him. Nothing to do with me.

Well i had my suspicions but one can never be entirely sure. After all i didnt meet the guy. I could only speculate based on conversations and his overall behaviour. His intense blow up at the end came across like someone who has a narcissistic wound. But then again could simply be some kind of insecurity or blow to the ego he felt. There are plenty of reasons which could have resulted in him acting that way, those are only some of them.
For me it doesn't make sense that a guy will continue to show hes interested without actually being interested, and then retract without some thing else going on inside of him.
In the past people who i wasnt interested in and vice versa, we would have stopped speaking a long time before this certainly. There's no feasible way a normal person would have continued this length of time. Yes i understand towards the end he disappeared, but plenty of times before then we were in contact and he demonstratedt that he had an active interest in me

No one can answer questions about him as neither you nor us on here know him or ever met him.

As about some of your questions. You are asking why he kept showing you he is interested if he wasn't. Well he wasn’t showing you that he’s interested at all. In fact he was showing you he’s not interested.

Perhaps he wasn’t direct but he was clear. He never called or messaged you except in the beginning (you said yourself you were the one initiating). It’s a clear evidence of lack of interest. He did answered two of your phone calls during one of which he was very rude.

Answering two of your calls does not indicate interest. He might be bored or if he had covid cooped up and didn’t mind chit chat.

He showed no interest except maybe in the beginning. But you can’t really expect people to keep interest going towards everyone they come across. Most people who use apps talk to a lot of people. He is likely dating. So people might talk to several candidates but then not pursue them, you kept calling him for a couple of years. It’s unlikely he never talked to another woman during all this. So why he lost interest is no way to know. Met someone else? Found other stuff to do? That’s just how it works. People can’t possibly be interested in everyone they talk to.

Of course he might be a sociopath. Or a drunk. Or married. No way to know. And why do you care?

If you are interested in dating why don’t you try to date other guys? Why fixate on this one?

Dear banana mist,you sometimes say ,he behaved or talked in a way all along that you suspected him to be a sociopath. Just now in post 73,you replied to divine 1966,most of this happened towards the very end.You contradicted yourself again.If he behaved that way only at the end( the second half of last phone call),then calling him a sociopath??Do you realize how serious that term is ?