Dating After Divorce and Life Transitions

He just spent many hours with me - since yesterday at 3 PM and he just left now at 11 AM. Not one single snarky comment, so that's good.

AND.... I need help. I am FREAKING OUT.....

I had a job interview yesterday, with the hiring manager of the law firm, the VP of marketing. I had already had an hour long interview with the HR Director, and figured the meeting with the VP would focus on different topics, and not on why left each company or what happened in each job, which is what I had covered already with HR.

Well, this VP, the hiring manager, dug into what happened in my last job. He asked me directly, what were you hired to do???? He must have been suspicious about something in order to ask this. My job title doesn't really add up given the responsibilities I ended up with.

So, I had to tell him that I was hired to do a different job than the one I ended up doing. I felt at this point, it was necessary to explain what happened, because he asked a direct question! I was CORNERED!!!!!

So, I ended up divulging that I had been hired to do one job, but had to take a medical leave of absence, and I had to reveal that my doctor had recommended a modified position upon my return! ARGH!!!!!

Then, this VP who was interviewing me, asked what my supervisor's name was - this is the second time I've been asked this in an interview! What was your supervisor's name, as though they wanted to contact my supervisor to ask them about me and what happened there! So I gave him his name and he asked how my relationship was with my supervisor.

We didn't even discuss ANYTHING to do with my qualifications for this job, my interests in working for them, or why I felt I was the right fit!!!! He focused PRIMARILY on this career snaffoo that occurred in my last job and I knew right then and there that was doomed!!!!!

I received a rejection letter 20 minutes after hanging up on the call, after the interview ended. The interview was also scheduled to be an hour.. it lasted a half an hour!

What the heck am I going to do????? Has this last job, a serious hiccup in my career path, going to ruin ALL my chances of getting a job?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! I am SO UPSET - I couldn't help the fact that I had to take a mental health leave of absence..... my resume otherwise is STELLAR, and I've been told it is a fantastic resume by employers and recruiters....... can't an employer look past one single snafoo in my career path????

Maybe they want someone who can do power point and excel. Try to look at it logically, not emotionally. Altho IME, office people are just gossipy old ladies - if they smell a soap opera, they want all the gorey details. They are disgusting. Obviously i've been the victim of that.

And it's snafu - "situation normal - all effed up." Not sure that's the right word though?

Thats why i say try to emphasize the logical. Maybe get a certificate in something.

I can do powerpoint and excel... now I can, better than I could at least.

My mother says that this guy was clearly an uptight man working in an uptight law firm. She thought he sounded like a huge a-hole, & like someone I wouldn't want to work for anyways... I mean, come on.. if you cannot forgive a need for medical leave and an altered job as a result, then they're going to be uptight about everything.

This job was remote, not in an office, so no office crap to deal with. I've worked remotely for 8 years....

I may need to up my skill set through a certificate, freelance, contract or start my own biz... I just don't know what I am going to do.

ARGH! AND, I had a female roommate, all set to move in on April 1, and it fell through!!!!!!!!

WHY is all this CRAP happening to me?!?!? I am beside myself. I cannot catch a single break in life lately, and it's most distressing.. nothing is going well, except for things with Jay.

What is your plan B? If you are finding this job search is going to be a long one and unemployment will not last forever, what other options do you have in the interim? Is it time to consider moving in with your mother? She seems supportive and that would give you some breathing room while you continue to find the right work situation. You need a plan B to help reduce some of the stress.

Get a different roommate. And maybe take lower paid job. You would possibly afford rent with a roommate. Moving with mom would be the best bet though

I found this great article. I think it’s very useful
How to Apply for a New Job After You’ve Been Fired

I wasn't exactly fired because I received severance pay and unemployment benefits. I was let go because my "skill set didn't match their needs". So I wasn't a good fit. Bu that article may still be helpful, @divine1966, so thank you....

I will still advertise for a roommate.... I am not giving up yet. I will not move in with mom until/unless things get dire and I have to break my lease after June rolls by.. I have at least 5-6 more months of unemployment benefits. If I can get a roommate by May 1, it will help me financially, and I can possibly take a lower salaried job.

But I will not give up... one thing I do know.

I wonder if you should apply for a job that matches your skills and responsibilities that you had after medical leave. You could say that you were hired to do XYZ but in the process it turned out you are great at ABC and now that’s what you want to do. Your previous employer maybe had no need for your skills at the moment but other employers might need exactly what you have to offer. It might be lower pay but it might be something you could do long term

I have tried applying for content related jobs, and no bites.

TW: Now my husband is talking about suicide. He told me he is writing his will and told me where it will be found in case anyone needs it. I told him to speak with his therapist and get help, but he got mad because I pushed him off and didn't rush to be by his side. He also is upset that I seem fine when he is a total wreck. He knows nothing about the new guy, Jay, and I will not be divulging to him that I am dating someone. I told him yesterday it's not healthy for us to be in close communication and that we both need to move on.

I don't know how to remain cordial and on good terms, while also going little to no contact. I am trying..... I don't want to block him again because I want to end on cordial terms. I don't want it to be awful when we DO run into each other at a concert, which is inevitable. I want things to be cordial and friendly. I don't know how to do this.

He’s probably just being manipulative in his threats. Hasn’t he done this before?

People who are divorcing are normally not rushing to each other’s sides and are not cordial and on good terms.

I’m going through similar atm too so I sure understand

Yeah, I hear you.... some couples can end amicably. Not all, but some. I know your own struggles, from having been to your thread. I used to feel the way you do now - and as time went on, I had less of a need for attachment to my husband. I felt the same way as you do - wanting a friendship of sorts. But as I branched out socially, that need lessened.

He has done this before... he is very melodramatic about all things. One time, he called to say goodbye in case his plane went down.

People who are divorcing are removing each other from their Wills. Wth is he talking about that you should know where to find his? Is he thinking he is going to get you back because you feel scared that he is suicidal? You did the right thing telling him to get mental health help.

My h also threatened sui as manipulation same as yours- not me, the one allegedly with mental health issues, I never did, he did. I never believed he would, yet there was fear that I may be wrong and then I’d be sorry for having not taken him seriously. But, no, he never would. He was just being manipulative and that was absolutely horrible of him to do.

He says he has included me in his will. He keeps trying to bribe me with money in various ways.

I asked him if I could contact his therapist regarding my concerns over his safety and well being. He doesn't want me contacting anyone, including the police, his family or the therapist. I told him there are hotlines he can use.

He is basically trying every angle to get my attention and to keep communications open.

It's incredibly manipulative. That's the way you need to see this. And it is horrible of him to do.

No way do I buy that an ex husband keeps an ex wife in his will. I don’t even believe he actually has a therapist.

Shall we watch the video again with the lion?

He does see our old therapist, who was our couples therapist - at least he tells me he still attends therapy. I really don't know if I am in his will - it seems very odd to do.

That was a great video! I had never seen that before. It's very applicable to your own situation... and to mine.

Hopefully he doesn’t have you listed as executor of his will. That would be a cruel joke. Dealing with closing out an estate is time consuming and can be expensive depending on the estate. Honestly might check on that. You can file with the court to refuse, but again, that puts the burden on you to do so.

Otherwise, there is no reason for continuing contact. You know you cannot be friendly without him pulling you back in again. He’s very good at that. No contact is your clear boundary for your future sanity. You don’t have to ever speak again.

Thanks... yeah, I've got to curb the communications with him. He's now invited me to hang out with him this weekend. It was such a vast mistake on my part to agree to see him a month or so ago. That encouraged him.

I better not be the executor on the will. Ugh.

He has family. It’s inappropriate to have exes in the will. Doesn’t he have a brother and nieces and nephews to leave money to? Or any family? It’s asinine to keep ex in the will if you have any family. What does he even have in his will? He’s broke, has no property and no savings so what’s he leaving you? His mom’s money? It doesn’t belong to his ex wife

I had an ex who faked cancer and dying so I know how it goes. He went on like this for over a year. He only stopped after I contacted his family and they were embarrassed he behaved that way. Contact his brother and tell him that his brother is suicidal. Let them intervene. If he doesn’t want you to contact anyone, he shouldn’t tell you he’s suicidal. They have rights to know that he’s suicidal even if we think it’s a lie.

He doesn't want me contacting anyone, so I cannot go against his wishes. He does have a brother, a niece and nephews he can leave money to. I don't get why he wanted to include me in his will - very odd, but probably another manipulation.

You can go against his wishes. You aren’t his therapist. You have no obligation of confidentiality. Call him in it. If he’s playing a game, he’ll be held accountable by his family. It’s not like he’s kept your private matters particularly private. I mean, I’d just claim concern over his safety and let him deal with the consequences.

He’s not leaving you anything and he’s not dying. It’s more of the same. Game to keep you confused and unbalanced and helpless. In one sentence he’s suicidal but then asking you to come hang out on the weekend. He thinks you’ll keep falling for it.

He knows he has control over you. You aren’t even together and he still controls you. You are now worried about him and speculating about his will. And worry about how you’ll run into him at concerts (why does it even matter?). So much mental energy goes to figure out what to do about your ex like you have nothing else to do.

And now you are afraid to go against his wishes. Why? What do you mean “you cannot”. Yes you can. He threatens suicide. All bets are off. Time to get family involved. What can he do to you? He has such unnatural hold over you.