[sally_j]

Hi, I am a new member on this site. And this is my first post here and I hope anyone can help me. I dated my ex for 4 years. Had a break in 2003 but nor i took it well nor did he. After a year of dating everything was fine with our relationship after that it went sour for the past 3 years. Alot of arguing, fighting, could barely tell me he loves me had problems with his family over our relationship. And that was getting us both down due to his family not approving over our relationship. I was head over heals with his man but I never got to know if he was the same towards me. Anyhow, during the past 3 years of the relationship we had so many up and down's. His mother was rude to me over the phone he took her side, i had reserved a plane ticket to go fix the relationship he stalled me from comming and came up with an dumb excuse not to fix our relationship i didnt want to end it, it was to hard. We had broken up so many time and got back together but it wouldn't work out like that so in May of 03 he left me. And came back 3 weeks later. I thought it was the end of the relationship so I moved on and found someone knew and started dating. I told him on yahoo chat and begged me to give him another chance but I didnt even though it was really hard on me. So we decided try to stay friends but with the friendship our communicaton had lessend. We would barely sperak but it would gone pick back up. I gotten engaged and a year later married. After that I had fallen into a big depression. I was expecting to get some of my personal belongings and thats when our fights started in 05 and resumed till 06. Not only that I had fallen into a big depression my marriage was in stake i coulodn't concentrate anymore i couldn't eat, sleep. And what made it worst was that when i had my depression at that time the name callings from him started, from my ex. he was cursing me out, acted like a dumb person as if he didnt know anything cuz he didnt want to get in trouble with the fiance. I called him couple of times trying to get some sort of closure from him he never wanted to discuss our siutation, with him not knowing what he was doing I had gotten Bi-Polar disorder. And all i tried to do was make him stop for a while but that didnt work either. We had a big blow at one point. He had said something nasty to me I left him a horrible message and was not replied after 4 months. He comes back and goes off on me again calling me every name in the book. I had told that idiot to go back and check those date on those message and if he hadn't replied that it wouldn't had gotten out of control. And at that time I was taking Real Estate class and I could barely concentrate. I warned him if he didnt cut out the crap that I would inform his family including his fiance. Basically I was fed up with his crap and I called talked to his sister but as soon as he found out it was me grabbed the phone started cusing me out and hung up the phone. Our issue's are not solved they will never be solved and it will always remain open and if he were man enough to sit down at least 10 minutes and discuss the issue's with me then it wouldn't had gotten so far and wouldn't put a strain in my marriage. I was taken to the hospital on trying to overdose on medication i felt more like an outsider. I pushed my family aside, my husband couldn't and wouldn't put up with me anymore and I had no where to go through. After i stay in the hospital they sent me to a Behavioral Center and after that I came home. I told my husband to send me somewhere where i can have alone time and really think what i wanted to do with my life I was sent back home to visit family that I didnt want to see due to my problems but I had tried to control myself for them not finding out. Yes, I saw the ex. I saw him and was still the same person. The same jerk I left 5 years ago. From the way I saw him he looked miserable. We went out for 30 minutes he had said something so stupid that really shocked me I wanted to slap him but I didnt, I didnt want to get in trouble with the law. I was shocked. We barely talked until he took me home. I didnt say goodbye or anything got up slammed the door and never looked back. After a couple of mintues later i called him back and apologized for my behavior and he told me in his language that he loved me but I hung up the phone and left the next day. I couldn't take it anymore. I came back and never spoke to him for a year. I dont know what happened to him. I dont know what triggered him. I know he drinks that for sure. Is he depressed I dont know. Does he have Bi-polar I dont know. And he hates it by the time I figure him out. he couldn't give me the closure I needed. I gave the closure to myself. But after all this I'm still scared if he will ever show back up in my life again and if he ever did I wouldn't know how to handel it. Due to his bad temper. Do I call the police. Do I get a restraing order against him even I dont have his address or anything else and I dont want to go to court for that try to get him restrained. I know for a fact that it would drive him more crazier like that. he has my parents phone number, he knows the address to my job and the number. I am mad, I am upset with things ended this wasn't the way I wanted things to be between he and I. But stuff happens for a reason doesn't it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[StarPonysMama]

Drop this guy out of your life like a lead balloon. Move on. He's not worth it. Maybe you should concentrate on you instead of jumping from relationship to relationship. I speak not from being mean - but from experience. EVERYONE should live on their own independently AT LEAST once in their life.....in my PERSONAL OPINION.

Good luck to you.

[Perna]

Hi, Sally, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I would not ever talk to him or listen to him or anything regarding him ever again. You don't know anything anymore about him, keep it that way. I was appalled at the number of times you called his relatives, his sister, him, other people and started the whole thing up again. Just stop. Don't have anything to do with him. Decide you won't talk to him and if he calls, you don't talk to him! If he calls your parents, that's their problem, their phone, etc. If they start to tell you about calls to them by him or anything tell them you don't want to hear it. Your personal information on him is old and out of date, keep it that way.

[50guy]

You should drop this guy like a bad habit.

Never speak with him again....just let him fade into obscurity.

[tautologic]

whew thats alot of info there.....but it seems to me you are holding onto the past and not focusing on the present.

<font color="blue"> But after all this I'm still scared if he will ever show back up in my life again and if he ever did I wouldn't know how to handel it.</font>

IF?! Why are you worrying about something that you don't even know will happen? That is wasted time and energy. IF he bothers you, simply pick up the phone and call 911. Problem solved. But until that happens, you really need to put this away. It isn't doing you any good dwelling on the past or being anxious over non issues.

[sally_j]

I comptely understand what everyone is telling me and thank you for who those that have replied to my post. I've not talked to this guy in a year and I dont attend to do so for the rest of my life even though he was my first love, and my soulmate its a bit harder to move on. I'm sure everyone goes through those phases of loosing their first love or their soulmate. I lost both and not only that I lost my best friend that I ever had. Here I am trying to do the right think by talking about the tension, and being angry or trying to resolve the issues, we both were frustrated him mostly taking his anger out on me. I was blamed on mostly of his daily life problems in life and here I am shocked hearing stuff comming from him the man i use to love at one point and now nothing is resolved. The problems will always be there no matter what. Thats what hurts the most that we couldn't resolve anything at all. I always wanted to talk about the problem and issue and when we both had left there wouldn't be so much hate towards each other or reastmeant but he could have never coperated with that. And I just left it as it was. And have him think about the mistakes he's made and hopefully near the future what he's done. I never deserved any of this. I never knew what I did wrong to deserve his abusivness towards me. And never knew how he really felt about me or if he even loved me at all. And what hurts the most is that he took all the advanatage there was. And sometimes i think that i'm the guilty one or did something wrong. Because I always take blame on myself.

[Doh2007]

It seems like he still takes a lot of your energy, as you try to unravel and understand the relationship. It's hard not to have closure. What worked for me was to write in my journal, saying things to the person and having my say. It was even more effective than trying to talk to someone that doesn't listen.

[sally_j]

I just realized something. When i saw my ex bf last year. Whom i haven't talked in a year I just realized that he kept flipping moods. Its like he was having mixed conversations going. When I found out about something i confronted him he kept telling me what if it was me, or maybe it was someone else. not only that when i rang him up on his cell phone and was talking to him about something out of no where he tells me his wife is prego, and when we met for the first time after 5 year i get into his car he say's he wants sex with me after that he tells me to move on and after that he tells me he loves me after that i cut off all my communication. someone please tell me what i'm dealing with here. I know something is not right he wouldn't be acting this way. i know him perfectly well.