I'm so mad at myself for this

I think what gets me is knowing that I loved someone fully who can't love me back. And that really hurts. For nearly five years, I tried. I bent over backwards to do things for him, out of love for him. And no matter what I did and no matter how hard I tried, he's never going to love me back in the same way, or even remotely the same. He doesn't know how to love... not. me, and not anyone. What a waste of five precious years of my life,

It’s understandable.

No problem. I understand. I’m also a very sensitive person too. Sorry to hear that you’re hurting. I’d be devestated if I ended uo getting divorced.

It’s not your fault. You deserve to be with someone who will love you back in a healthy loving respectful way. Now that’s possible. I hope that you’ll end up finding the he right person for you soon.

Thank you so much. It does hurt. I am not devastated... I am more so sad over the loss of myself, than over the loss of him. I became a shell of who I really am or was while I was with him. He domineered over me, and I shrunk in response and out of fear of him... he would turn on me for the most innocent comments or questions I asked. I wasn't allowed to question him ,or else he would explode and it was cause an enormous knock down drag out war and battle between us. It was SO toxic being with him. And now I have to rebuild myself and my life. A good start is that I just got an amazing job. So at least I am employed again. Next is really focusing on my healing. I know I will be OK.. I am back on track to finding myself and loving myself again. And that's all a great thing. TY.

Thanks again.. I will take my time this go around. I am not going to look for anyone and not for a long time. I need me time.... and yes, I believe it is possible to find someone healthy after being in several toxic relationships, which I have been. I want to break this pattern.

There's something called the Sunk Cost Fallacy which makes it hard to give up on something we've invested a bunch of time and/or money in. So this is even more reason to be kind to yourself and proud of yourself for leaving that relationship, because it's a very hard thing to do.

Thank you for saying this! It was hard to do. Or, it became increasingly harder.

My life now... It's been really hard being so alone for the last six months while I've been unemployed and newly single. I've spent most days and nights alone. Sometimes, or often, I've crawled into bed at 6 pm for the night. I did last night.

Once I am working again next week, my time will be filled with work. I am looking forward to this change. I am nervous and a little scared, but I am mostly looking forward to no longer having hours upon hours of empty space to fill.

My ex husband STIL:L has not replied to my last emails. I believe that he's trying to punish me by giving me the silent treatment, which he has done many times in the past whenever I've confronted him about his poor behaviors and whenever I haven't backed down or given into his manipulations. He didn't win this time - I've won. He can no longer manipulate me or have any power or control over me. And he realizes this reality, I do believe. I am NOW FREE.

And, on top of it, I am now empowered to be making my own money again. I can sustain and support myself fully without my ex's help, and I can afford my home and all my expenses. I believe that my ex wanted me to continue needing him for support while I've been unemployed, and now I do not. HA. Take that! I believe that's also why he isn't replying - he is angry that I am succeeding, that I have succeeded, and that I am empowered again and don't need him whatsoever. This is how abusive narcs operate. I've educated myself enough on narcs and narc abuse to know this to be a factual truth about them and how they operate in their twisted, evil f'ed up minds.

In my last email to him, I told him that I am actually laughing at his pathetic head games (ie, by not replying to me and blocking my cell). And that's all it is - a pathetic game of power and control, as ALL abuse is always about power and control over the other person.

So, IF he does eventually reply or contact me, I am NOT responding this time. I've GOT TO END THIS ridiculous TOXIC GAME. The only way to win with a narcissist is to NOT PLAY their games.

And, I am sure that he wants me to be hurt by his lack of response to me and by blocking me and ignoring my last messages to him. But, I am not hurt. I am more so amused, and that tells me I am further along in my healing process. A few months back, I may have been hurt and really bothered by this, but now I don't feel that way. It's entertaining to me, because it's only just a game he's playing, I see that he's deliberately TRYING TO HURT ME by doing this, and it's SO pathetic and insanely immature.

UGH!!!!!!!!! I ran into my ex husband, not just ONCE last night, but TWICE, at a concert.

Why did I have to look down when he saw me? As though I cannot hold my head high? As though I am ashamed??? Has he beaten me down this badly????

When I first saw him as we were walking into the venue, I closed my eyes immediately and looked downwards at the ground while I was walking towards him.

As I've mentioned in this thread, he's completely ignored an email I sent him two weeks ago, announcing my achievement in getting a new job plus a 20K raise. He couldn't reply to just simply congratulate me...

so, why am I holding my head down?????? I should be holding my head high!!!! This was a HUGE achievement, after being unemployed for the last 6-7 months and after being essentially fired from my last job!

What is wrong with me?????? I am SO frustrated with the healing and recovery process right now.

And THEN, I not only saw him when walking into the concert, once we were at our row trying to get to our seats, he was standing only just a few feet away from me! I immediately turned away so as not to make eye contact. I am not sure if he saw me the second time.

I am really not happy with how I handled running into him.

And yes, this is a concert that I had planned on long ago and decided to still attend because it's a favorite musician, the tickets were pricey, and the venue is large enough that I didn't think it was likely I would see my ex husband.. was I ever wrong! GRRRRRRRR.

The relationship is over. He doesn’t owe you responses to communications you initiate.

You don’t owe him anything either.

I don’t know what to suggest for seeing him places-if you keep going to those music-related events you’re probably going to see him.

Given that he's responded to every message of mine for the last nine months, this is a surprise and I expected him to at the very least, congratulate me on my achievement. That would have been the KIND thing to do. But why should I expect KINDNESS from someone who is abusive?

I am not going to completely cease an activity I am very passionate about just so I don't have to run into him.

You got it, abusive people are not kind unless it serves a purpose for them. So for him not to respond is right in his lane, there is nothing for him to gain.

I'm confused. It seems like you are frustrated that he didn't respond. I thought I read that your email said you didn't expect him to respond.

Congratulations on the new gig! Freelance work is a great way to pick up new skills and expand your network. Hope it goes well for you.

I understand your confusion. When I first contacted him, I said that I did not expect a reply. But, in reality, I did expect a reply. I know that's contradictory.

And thanks so much regarding my job. Fingers crossed I get hired on full time in six months.

The run in with my ex is distressing me still. I could be paranoid but now I wonder if he somehow was tracking me on my phone. I mean running into him in the parking lot, just as soon as I had parked, was weird. But then seeing him AGAIN, at the end of my row?!? Seems more than just coincidence. After finding our seats, I noticed that he wasn’t sitting anywhere nearby. So it wasn’t his row, yet he was standing right there, all alone?? It’s odd at the very least.

Did you use to have track on each other phones and he didn’t remove it? See if you could remove tracking?

He may have tracked my phone at one point to help me find it? I'm hazy on whether he did or did not do that one time for me. He also used to work for Apple and knows his way around iPhone technology, so there's that. I did disable the track my location option on my phone, just in case.

We have “track your location” on each other phones for emergencies but we never ever use it (it’s been awhile since we had the kind of emergency that we couldn’t locate each other) so I am sure we’d completely forget to remove it if needed to. I doubt he was still tracking it but everything is possible if one wants to be a stalker

Yes, anything is possible. In my perspective, it was a bit too weird to see him not just once, but twice, and at our exact row of seats when he wasn't even sitting there. Not only that, but we had waited a half an hour inside the venue before trying to get to our seats. The perfect timing of seeing him right as we arrived at our seats was uncanny.