[Albatross2008]

.... and didn't recognize it.

Yesterday my sweet hubby came home early from his second shift job. That's not something he does willy-nilly. He is very serious about missing work, and he doesn't take it lightly. Today he was going to go in, but he changed his mind two hours before the start of his shift when he realized he was sicker than he thought. In calling off, he apologized for the lateness of his decision and tried to explain that it was because, up until that moment, he had been planning to go in.

He did not have his phone on speaker, but I could tell that the guy in HR was giving hubby a hard time. Although I couldn't make out the words, I could pick up the tone, and HR Guy wouldn't let hubby get a word in edgewise. Hubby tried several times to explain himself, and HR Guy kept cutting him off. At one point, hubby said to HR Guy, "I know that. I'm not dumb."

It almost sounded like a flipped script from some of the arguments we've had. At that point, if HR Guy were to continue following hubby's script, his next line would have been, "Don't put words in my mouth. I never called you dumb."

That's a conversation hubby and I have had time and again. Yes, I have absolutely said to him on many occasions, "I know that. I'm not dumb." And his exact response would be to accuse me of putting words in his mouth, and he just hates it when I do that; he never said I was dumb. No, but by telling me all these basic, elementary facts I already know, especially in that "full of authority" tone of voice, he certainly is implying it.

I did mention to hubby that I sympathized with him on how HR Guy was treating him. The way HR Guy kept cutting him off mid-sentence and telling him things he knew already is very frustrating. Hubby responded, funnily enough, by telling me what I already know--how HR is not there for the employee, but to protect the interests of the company, and he's not going to let himself be bullied by those guys over a low-paying job.

I also slyly worked in that HR Guy could have easily replied, "Don't put words in my mouth; I never called you dumb," but it went over hubby's head, and because he isn't feeling good right now, I'm not going to press it at this time. He seems genuinely blind to the fact that he does the same thing to me--cuts me off, doesn't let me get a word in, tells me the obvious as if I didn't know it already, etc. When HR does it to him, he can plainly see that it's "bullying," his choice of word, but when he does it to me, he doesn't see it like that.

But, at this moment all hubby is capable of seeing is that he got his point made, and he stood up to the "bully" in HR. He doesn't seem able to draw a parallel between that discussion and our own arguments, and I don't think this is a good time to pursue it. But pursue it I will, eventually.