Not so nice replies

Spoke to a guy today from my support group on text. We spoke about studying. He needed a study partner and I offered to help. Then he said he would like to meet me. I said no, I have a strict policy not to meet a man alone. So I told him I am available on text since I dont trust easily. He said “Well I hope you will share with me over time , I would very much like you opening up. I don't like someone feeling lonely no one should suffer.” But then when I shared some of my troubles in studying, and with peers, he said “Why do you bother? I will help you, are you so empty to care about what others think? Dont strut, loosen up a bit.” I said that I am uncomfortable with that type of language. He said, “You vaguely understood what I meant. But either way I'm also uncomfortable with someone who barely can interpret what I am saying.” I replied, “Saying “are you so empty” even with good intentions can cause someone a lot of hurt.” He said “I didn't mean it that way. Why do I want to remotely even hurt you, When you were saying some emotional distressed situation ?“ then i said “Even though you didnt want to hurt me, what you have said has hurt me, so I will end the conversation here.” And blocked him.
Some other details: I joined this group on 29th december 2024. I have not interacted with this person since before a week, because he joined the support group very recently. It is for general mental health, physical health and the group is led by a counsellor. The troubles I experienced was that I feel I have good study skills, but my progress is so slow that I feel quite left out, compared to my classmates. I did not appreciate being asked to meet so casually for a walk when I dont know him. He said “chill lady!” As well, when I said I had a lot of pressure to study. After blocking him I felt that this was the exact response I didnt like. When he asked, why do you bother? I felt like saying my wish! I will get bothered if I want to. I will suffer if I want to. I will cry if I want to. I feel shy to report this to the admin because she had prohibited direct messages. But this I felt was an exception because I thought its just as a study buddy anyway. Plus if people dont tell me why a rule is made, it wont be easy for me to follow it. I need to be told the consequence. He asked on the group, if anyone wanted to be his study buddy. I replied privately that I would. There are guidelines for respectful communication. Even I know I was not supposed to text him. Can people tell something new? Anything original?

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I feel shy to report this to the admin because she had prohibited direct messages. But this I felt was an exception because I thought its just as a study buddy anyway. Plus if people dont tell me why a rule is made, it wont be easy for me to follow it. I need to be told the consequence.

You learned on your own why the rule exists & the consequence. Obviously your 2 ways of communicating aren't compatible. Accept that FACT, keep him blocked & move on now that you know

Learning communication styles is challenging, especially in a mental health space. Textual communication/written language is very difficult, as one cannot ascertain tone, expression, background, intent, nuances etc. The way we interpret what we read is often coloured by the mood and headspace we are in at the time.

No doubt this was a disturbing moment for you, understandably so. Please don't allow it to put you off your study and healing journey. It is always best to meet people where they are at without judgement or expectation. Sometimes they will align with where we are, sometimes they don't. That doesn't make them "bad" or "good", it simply reflects where they are at mentally and emotionally at that given time.

You're doing great, enjoy the healing journey as much as you can. Life is a wonderful thing when we stay curious, light and playful. Not easy, definitely a goal to strive for.

The consequence is that you are now upset and uncomfortable and you’d likely be uncomfortable in a group.

And rules are likely there to avoid tension and conflict ruining support groups dynamics and purpose.

I don’t think they had to spell out rules and consequences. In general iv you text someone you don’t know or barely know, you run a risk of getting into uncomfortable situation. Not just in a support group, anywhere.

You took a chance, he turned out to be kind of unpleasant. Lesson learned. I am not sure what you want to report him for. I don’t believe there’s anything to report. Just stay away from him

Rules are there for a reason - mainly the safety of all participants. What you are struggling with would not have happened had you stuck by the rules.

If you are not sure of the purpose of any rule, you could always ask / contact the counsellor or the lead person, instead of simply deciding to ignore those rules and then find yourself facing a tricky situation that could have been avoided in the first place.

I know that the rule is there for safety. I am not doing it on purpose to go against them. But why am I defending myself? I learnt my lesson. I am too annoyed by people and their platitudes anyway.

Why do people spell out the same thing? At this point I am curious. If people dont know how to communicate, why even trouble me? This is literally how teenagers are raised. Tell them the obvious and set them off. Great. This is why I dont have any connection with anyone. Yes I will get defensive and yes I will get mad.

Do I look like I care about this man? I started studying and am more annoyed by how people respond to me. Like I said, anything original? I KNOW I WASNT SUPPOSED TO TEXT HIM, tell me something new people. Unoriginal.

What would actually help me feel understood. PLEASE sit and think about that. I am at hairline level of getting triggered by people and their words.

Ill tel you something, i wont move on: i will suffer i will cry and i will do whatever i want. Thank you.

I dont need a lecture- I need connection! Please
No one is actually addressing my emotions—my frustration, my sense of isolation, or my annoyance with repetitive responses. People around me are treating this as a simple cause-and-effect situation instead of engaging with what really matters to me: feeling heard and understood.

I hear your frustration and disappointment. Please, how can we help?

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Thank you! 🥹
All I need is for someone to not tell me platitudes… like its okay youre fine, or try to change anything
I dont mind if people simply listen to me..

I am sorry you are suffering.

I didn’t see where you asked for help with anything rather than the situation with this man whom you wanted to report and being upset they didn’t explain the rules to you

Please understand that when people respond to your original post, they don’t necessarily read all other responses. They just type their own replies. If replies are similar it’s because humans might feel similar things about same situation. It doesn’t mean they repeating what others said. In addition people didn’t say the same thing. Perhaps similar.

I am sorry I suggested for you to move on and try to forget this interaction. You replied that if you want you’ll cry and suffer. That’s your right. But I am simply suggesting to accept that you’ll run into all kind of people in life.

Could you speak to a counselor about this situation? Do you see individual therapist? If not could you talk to the group counselor (not to report anyone but rather ask for help how to ease your suffering over the situation)