[Gasplessy]

Please excuse my english, i am a non-native speaker
I wish to share what i wrote to the psychoterapist to explain why i move so slow in life at the age of 36 after experiences of disorders and grief (actual loss due to the death of relatives) during the covid era

Text/metaphor (automatic translation):

"In surfing, there is the "Pipe" special competition, where the surfer passes through the wave while it is at maximum power and is about to fold, forming a tube

In most cases, the athlete makes it and comes out unharmed and happy

But sometimes you fall just before exiting the tunnel. This involves a series of dangers

The first is the so-called "washing machine", the whirlwind of the wave mass that continues underwater. The athlete must know how to manage the times of resurfacing

There are two other threats: the "leash", the anklet with the cord that ties you to the board. If there are rocks on the seabed, the board can get stuck and you risk drowning unless you have the reflexes to detach it. Then there is the problem of the seriality of the waves. The Pipe waves are the largest in the ocean and usually arrive in series, one after the other. Sometimes, even if you manage to re-emerge from the first one, there is the risk of being crushed by the mass of the one that shatters a few minutes later

I write this because years ago I was interested in outdoor sports, i was vital... then I ended up under the mistakes of life and I was unable to get up. And couldn't beat it

I hate to whine, but there is no more appropriate image to describe the last eight years

A self-induced hell"

Well there are practical causes, i am a university dropout just to mention one

Sometimes it is not that easy to start again

[ReptileInYourHead]

The metaphor is a good one, especially because you wrote it to describe how you feel.
It is very descriptive and conveys a sense of power, fear, and danger.

What are the techniques that surfers need to know to get out of these 3 dangers?
I guess you mentioned them briefly..
1. Managing resurfacing
2.reflexes to detach yourself from “the leash”
3.managing the seriality of the waves

What do these 3 dangers and the 3 skills you need to manage these dangers represent in your actual life?

If I sound like your therapist please ignore me 😅
I am forever curious about other people.

[eskielover]

I had 13 years that were like that. They hit when I was 42. I wasn't sure I would survive those 13 years but that was 17 years ago & the choices I made then were probably the best choices I ever made in my life. I am now healed from a bad marriage, several traumas I went through during those 13 years & I am now thriving on my own & totally enjoying my rural life surrounded by animals & really good friends.

I found it was a lot easier to start again than to continue living in the hell I was living in

[Gasplessy]

Thank you for your kind replies
I talk because I am stuck in a living nightmare since late 2017 and I am now just corcerned about safety in general
@ReptileInYourHead well, my therapist won't event try to read such thing and is not going to reply. In the best scenario she will use this when going on vacation with her family. Hopefully
@eskielover good for you if you think you made the right choice in each moment. I didn't. I took the wrong path every time and my life is beyond over

[ReptileInYourHead]

Will you tell us more about your situation or do you prefer to keep it private?

[Gasplessy]

@ReptileInYourHead

Thank you for your kind reply

Well i had the most wrong life path -because of my own choices and actions and got into isolation at the age of 28 and I couldn't get out. I want to point out that there is nothing poetic in that, i was no victim. Romanticizing depression led to disaster

That was caused only by handling my career and life very poorly. During that phase i had no routine and was careless. I threated my personal effects (documents, house) and relationships poorly. I never requalifed by getting a further education and from here i can't forgive myself because even though university was scaring me, i am afraid the lazyness took over
So yes, the most useless and guilty human here. I currently have a temporary part-time job mainly smartwork, i have developped health issues after 30. I lost my father due to covid, my mother got cancer, ****ed up relationships. the man i used to love in my twenties married another and that is right and good for them, except it could have gone different since we were in love when younger and before my jobless phase

So yes, i am a monster who deserve to explode asap, except i used to function and consider myself overall good and ethic person
I didn't want to become such a millenial cliché.
Missed the safety door around my 30s, before covid

[ReptileInYourHead]

You cannot deal with these waves when you are weighed down with guilt. The past can be a curse, even if it no longer exists, it only exists if it is carried by our minds into every present moment.
The consequences of the past are real, there is no doubt about that, but carrying the guilt from the past destroys one’s ability to cope with the present, and makes change seem impossible.
How have people on this forum tackled the difficult issue of guilt? How have we declawed regret?
I’ll think on it and post if you are interested to hear. Not everyone is looking for advice, so feel free to let me know if I should keep it to myself

[Gasplessy]

Thank you for your very kind reply
Unfortunately i can't live guilt-free anymore
I could when younger. But i have been responsible for disasters and death in the last 8 years. I wish it didn't happen, cause it could have been avoided

[ReptileInYourHead]

Sounds like a you are in a very dark place indeed.

[Gasplessy]

Thank you
Currently yes, I hate acting regressive and nostalgic, i wish i could live the moment but the last 6-7 years have been marked by grief and loss and I think i caused them
I feel like in the movie "The machinist" At this point, i can behave good but still guilty. I wish I could delete covid years and they were actually traumatic -no posing