Could this person be a new friend in future?

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There's a person (female)I've known through work for quite a few years now.I got to know her as I used to refer quite alot of work to her and see quite alot of her as a result.She's always been friendly towards me eg a while ago when I had to have some time off work,she rang to see how I was etc.We've never seen one another socially though.(Other than at work related events ).

A while ago,circumstances changed in relation to work so we don't work together as often now. She is a high flyer as far as work's concerned and has (deservedly) done very well indeed.She works very hardand I don't imagine she'll have a great deal of time for friendships outside work.As far as I know,her circumstances are that she's happily married with no children .

Occasionally she'll still phone me and if we ever do bump into one another through work (which happens much less often now),she'll make a point of coming over to say hello and be friendly.

A time or two I've suggested meeting for lunch-she's said yes we must but it's never actaully happened ,knowing how busy she is, I've not liked to mention it again.I saw her the other day and once again,she made a point of coming over to say hello.I said would you have time for a coffee later and she said she might well do,but as things worked out,her meeting went on for alot longer than mine and I couldn't wait due to other work.

I sometimes wonder if this lady could be a friend-I enjoy her company alot and would like to make new friends.Other times I wonder if she's just keeping in touch so that I might refer more work in future should the circumstances arise.

She's quite a forthright person ,known for speaking her mind! Many people feel intimidated by her in a work situation but she's always been lovely to me.

What do I do? Do people think there could be a potential friendship here and if so,how do I take things forward?

I'd be grateful if someone could help with this.I'm quite shy and would be terribly embarrassed if I tried to do something and got things wrong!

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity to make a friend. If you have her phone number, call her and ask if the two of you can go out for coffee or lunch or something and set a time. Otherwise, next time she calls to check on how you're doing, suggest meeting.

See if you have some little thing in common you can build on. I go to the library with one friend after coffee and so we get together at least every 2-3 weeks to return books back to the library and get more, etc. It's an easy, casual way to do things and occasionally we go near lunchtime so do lunch. Since she sounds busy with work, maybe suggest evening and an occasional dinner or after dinner dessert?

I'm just a bit wary,I guess-I hope she says yes.I think it's with her not actually having suggested anything and me having to do it.Pathetic aren't I??!

It could be she just wants to keep it casual, talk to you every so often but I don't think, as you say she's busy, she'd spend her time calling you if she didn't like you? She may not have time to go out and do anything, may want to just keep it phone occasionally, don't know. But it doesn't hurt to have a "plan" for when she calls next time so you can make a deliberate, "how about next Wednesday evening. . . " proposition. If she wiggles out of it and doesn't help make an alternate plan then that's okay, at least you'll know.

I don't think there's anything pathetic about your response; I never even dreamed of asking people to do things. I still remember when I was 20 and a woman 3-4 years older than I was, a family friend's daughter whom I knew but she was leagues "better" than I was stayed with us one night and we were supposed to share my double bed but she went to bed first and was taking up a lot of space so I just decided to sleep on the floor/rug rather than push her over and my mom got really mad, said I'd embarrassed the girl, etc. No way I could have asked someone to do something with me.

What a coward I am-I 've left a message on her answer machine ! Why is this so hard,I mean ,she's always been nice,friendly and so on...............I suppose I'll feel embarrassed/silly if she's not interested.My goodness,how does anyone evr make friends if it's like this all the time!?

We do have trouble, don't we, making friends? LOL

I signed up to go to a local library book group, bought the book and read it, etc. but couldn't make myself show up. Our imagination gets away with us and we see the huge shadows and mistake them for the actual people.

You're not a coward, you're actually quite brave! You made the call! You are reaching out. She could be too busy (or not interested) but that's about her, not you. You're doing fine it sounds like.

Any other prospects you can talk to? I have a little old lady a couple houses down I keep running into in a local store. I might suggest she and I go shopping there or have lunch and go shopping there or something at some point.

Thank you for sharing your courage and actually trying these things. I think that's more than half the battle. That and a bit of practice and it will get much easier I believe.

Perna has some wonderfull advice...It is very hard to want acceptance...

It helps for me when I look at a new realtionship in a way that lowers my expectations. I try to look at what can I bring to the situation that will allow me to like/love someone more and not be as worried about what comes back...

I am more genuine this way because I think that my nature is set more to love rather than to be loved...but believe me I have fought this nature for many a circle about our star...

I also like greeting cards,,,they can be wonderfull displays of a variety of sentiments...and are pretty lowrisk,,,who doesn't like recieving a friendly card that shows some human aspect of ourselves?

Lenny

There may be one or 2 others I can think of Perna........but I think one at once is enough for the moment .

The little old lady you mention sounds like a good idea-I find it easier one on one really and don't think I'd have shown up at the library either-well,not at the moment,till I get more confident!

Lenny,you're right,it is nice to receive cards for any occasion and that's something I do find easier to do and have done in the past.There's some nice ecards too for friends who like their emails/computers.

Is it normal for all this thought/work to go into these things or should they happen more naturally??

I don't think they can happen naturally until we have more experience! Anything new takes a while to get use to and learn how to do, including meeting and greeting other people.

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Impala said:

Is it normal for all this thought/work to go into these things or should they happen more naturally??

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We are social creatures,,evolved through various levels of cooperation. Some of us are more inclined than others to build and use these connections.

It is fear, the eternal enemy, which precludes us from doing what comes naturally. Identify, understand and face whatever fear stands before you and then your fellow souls will be welcomed for all our imperfections.

IMHO.

Lenny

Yes,fear-but of what? Feeling embarrassed,I suppose in my case.I caught myself thinking earlier that I haven't heard anything,so she mustn't be interested/or not that keen-then I thought-it was only a couple of days ago-she may not even have been in the office to pick up the message yet (she's out and about alot),she's very busy etc.Oh dear-are these excuses??!

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Impala said:
Yes,fear-but of what? ??!

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Just a guess impala,,,it is all I can do. But if I can empathise a bit with your feelings,,,and I have been in similar circumstances,,,it was always a fear that MY expectations would not be realized.

When I frame anything with a set of expectations that depend upon my visualizing a sense of control upon anothers responses,,I face the danger of dissappointment. We all our commanders of our own ships and perceive the sea in our own ways..

The solution for me once I realized my fear was an illusion created to support my expectations was simply to remove them...

I understood that I am a good person offering a good thing,,if one doesn't want it, realize it or even consider it,,then that's OK,,I tried to offer a piece of me without prejudice.

Fear cripples us from the joy of living with all it's gains and losses..

IMHO.

Lenny

The thing is,am I completely inept at reading any signs that someone might want to be friends,it makes me wonder? I mean ,this person phoned me now and then after there was no reason to for work,makes an extra special point of coming over to say hello on the odd ocasion I do see her through work (to the point of coming onto a room where I was working with other people and where she'd no reason to be!).I've not heard anything-like I said,she'a a really busy person so I suppose there's still time ,it's just,if she was keen surely she could have just said I'm busy right now but I'd like to do something etc etc.If how she behaved aren't signs of wanting to be friends then how do I know what are?? The only other explanation is that she is hoping,if an opportunity comes up ,I'll send her work in the future.