[imported_disintegration]

I am impulsive. I have no idea how many times or who I would have married if there was no legal age. I look back and am so glad I had something stopping me. Things are so perfect, they are so right. Then reality sets in. I got married a year and a half ago to someone I met on the internet, ( we'll call him X) who moved in with me a month later and married a mere 5 months after we met. I was seeing 2 people at the time X moved in with me. It was draining me b/c they didn't know about one another, and I had to spend time with both. I was seeing someone when I met X online that night. X lived 3 hours away. I was safe until he stayed with me and I had to worry about where I was and what I did with the other guy. One night X found a poem I had written about my situation. I had to choose. I came clean to them both and they both forgave me & wanted me back!!! I had to make a hasty choice and I chose X, the one who lived with me at the time. I thought I had made the wrong decision for a little while but got over it.

Now I am married and everything that I fell in love with is gone. He stopped having sex with me. I would try and I got tired of the rejection. Now it has been so long I don't even want sex anymore. I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't help me w/ anything here at the house. He demands to know where the money went that I made at work, yet he doesn't have to tell me where his went. He accuses me of cheating b/c I have that past. I accuse him of the same b/c of his lost sexual interest in me. He does some things for me, but he is mainly just lazy, disrespective, unresponsive etc etc. When we argue about things it always comes back to the same thing. I am the one who is wrong. I am the selfish one. I am the one who messed everything up. Why is it always my fault? I used to do everything in the world for him and picking up his laundry from the floor is a terrible thing to ask, as far as he is concerned. "I do anything you ask" he says. Yeah well after I hear the loud sigh and after 3 days or never b/c I did it myself. I am unhappy and the person he was is no longer. Sure I have changed too, I stopped trying. I cannot pay the bills on my own, so I cannot kick him out, he seems to think I would be the one to leave anyway even tho everything is in MY name (car, utilities, etc.) and he does nothing but deposit paychecks.

What am I supposed to do?

<font color=purple>The room is small, the room is bright - Her eyes are black, the bed is white</font color=purple>

[darkeyes]

Hi there
I'm on my way out right now, but have you considered couples counselling? It really can help, but you both have to work at it too, along with the counselor (I've been there) but then everyone is different and want different things out of their relationships, so I can't speak for everyone.
But it may be worth a try, unless you both have already decided to split. It is not always a good idea to just base things on sex or lack of, I'm not saying you are so don't get annoyed with me, it is just another issue that really wreaks (spelling?) havoc in a relationship pushing each other further away from one another. Marriage I know from my own personal experiences comes with no guarntees, and can be really tough at times finances are a ***** too making the relationship more sensitive. Okay I don't have all the answers, boy do I know that, ha!ha! Just my 2 cents, but try a marriage counselor first before losing it all.
I wish you lots of love and luck with this, it can be really tough but hang in there and whatever happens don't lose "yourself" I almost did and it is taking me time to get back, with a lot of work it is possible.
Feel free to drop by anytime, the others here are so supportive, give good info and suggestions.
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

I agree with Darkeyes. The next step is marriage counseling. It takes two to make a relationship. A therapist can help each of you see your part in the dynamic of your relationship. Once you see that you can decide what to do next. I just read an article in *Zen blushes* O magazine that difficulties in marriage are necessary and even healthy because they give us a chance to heal the wrongs that happened to us as children. I have heard this many times but it still irritates the hell out of me. Why would I want to replay all that crud over again? But apparently we do and until we learn to deal with it in a healthy manner we will just keep on reliving it over and over again. That sounds so depressing but on the other hand it is rather exciting to think that the problems that I am having with my husband today is actually helping me to heal the old hurts from long ago.
Take care,
Zen

<font color=blue>"I am just so tired."
<font color=green>"You can say you're tired as much as you want but you still have to do something about it. Now can you think of any way to deal with this problem."
<font color=blue> "No"
<font color=green>"Then I don't know what I can do for you if you are not willing to try."--from Zen's therapy session