Completely shocked by my friend's behavior.

This is just a big, long rant, since I've already decided what I'm going to do. Read it if you're bored or something.

I've had this friend. I like to give people names, so I like to call her Michelle. She's two years younger than me, making her 14. She's always been sort of a problem for me. She's headstrong and argumentative by nature, but so am I, so I can't blame her there. The problem is, she's been irrational in the past, and she's being BEYOND irrational now.

The past two weeks, my mother and my one friend (I'll name her Sarah) had been planning a surprise party for me. It WAS a surprise for me, although if I hadn't been quite so oblivious, Michelle could've blown it for everyone.

Originally, my mother had told Sarah not to tell Michelle about the party up front. Since I talk to Michelle so often and she lives so close, my mother thought it'd be a bad idea to tell her at first. But, through a separate friend, Michelle found out about it before she was supposed to, and immediately got upset with Sarah. Sarah informed my mom that Michelle was giving her trouble. So my mom and Michelle's mom have a talk. My mom tells her mom, "I don't want Michelle to get upset with Sarah over this. She was under my direction." The excuse from Michelle was that she really didn't think I'd like a surprise party.

So at some point, for a completely unrelated reason, Michelle lets it slip that Sarah and my mom are emailing back and forth. I ask my mom about this, and she gets paranoid. She thought the secret was out. So this deserved another call to Michelle's mom. This time my mom's message was, "Please tell Michelle not to say anything else about it." She didn't want Michelle to ruin it for me. Michelle's mother backed her 100%, called my mother insane, told her she was assuming things, and acted incredibly immature.

Well, I didn't know this until AFTER Michelle left the party (which WAS a surprise, by the way). I had no idea any of this went on until after everyone went home. By that point I was already mad at Michelle.

See, as soon as Sarah left the party, Michelle was talking about her in the most terrible way. I didn't understand why she was so upset, but I told her to stop because I didn't want to hear it. It took her way longer than it should have to drop the subject.

Eventually it was down to me, Michelle, and a different friend. She and him live close to me, but Michelle got a phone call from her parents saying they were going to pick her up. She said to my other friend in a really bratty tone, "Party's over. Didn't YOUR parents call YOU? Time to go home." He said, "I guess I'll just be walking." "This is ridiculous," she snapped. Of course, not a minute later, his parents DID call and say he was getting picked up, so...

On her way out the door, Michelle muttered something I couldn't hear. I was going to ask her to repeat that, but my dad beat me to it. He said, "What did you say?" "Nothing, I need to get my coat." "You said something." I saw her open her mouth again as she left, and I said, "Another snarky comment on your way out the door?"

I thought she'd have enough self-control not to be such a brat at my party, but I was mistaken. On a day when I should have gone to sleep thinking about how much I love my friends, I had to think about how much I was upset with one of them.

When I told her I was upset with her behavior and why, she immediately blamed Sarah and my parents. As if that would go over well. She wouldn't accept responsibility for her behavior, and she never has, so I decided not to talk to her anymore. It's unhealthy for me to be her friend.

Well, now she decides to harrass everyone possible. Sarah especially, even though Sarah has nothing to do with why I'm mad at her. Michelle is so wrong on so many levels.

She's overconfident, thinking we'll be friends again. Nooo way. She's drowning in her own pool.
She says the friendship isn't over until she says it is. It "has to be mutual." Yeah, right. This is the thought process of an abusive, socially-stunted person.
She threatened to come down to my house to talk to me. As if I'd open the door.
When I talked with Sarah and other people about her, I got a text saying, "Don't talk about me. It's just rude." I thought about saying "What's my motivation to be nice to you?"

I'm not saying anything to her, and I'm encouraging people like Sarah to do the same thing. But her behavior is unpredictable, irrational, abusive, and almost psychotic. She threatened to "confront" Sarah at school today, whether with words or fists, I don't know. She didn't show, but still... If she really thinks I can be her friend, while she digs her grave ever deeper, she has no sense.

This is an unhealthy relationship for me. She doesn't deserve me, and I don't deserve her. I've decided what I have to do, and I can't really take advice on the situation since I'm not communicating with her, but I still fear for my friends. This is just so out of control (SHE'S so out of control), and I had to get it out somewhere.

I understand why you are angry at Michelle but I wouldn't drag your other friends into it. That is just stooping to Michelle's level. Let them make up their own minds about things? She was ugly at your party, that's the only part that you can know firsthand and is enough to get her on your outs list. But others saying to you what happened before is their point of view, not something you experienced and your telling others what she is saying/doing now is you trying to put your view on others. Don't have any communication with Michelle if you want but the less you "stir" the pot the sooner it will go away I think.

Oh, no, I had no intention of bringing other friends into it. In fact, I had thought it was going to be just a conflict between me and her. But then she's been blaming and threatening Sarah. Sarah's friend heard about it and he decided he WANTED to get involved. At the same time, my friend wanted to understand the situation, but then he backed away and I respect that. There are six or seven people involved, including myself.

I had no idea it would involve this many people. I really didn't WANT it to.

My problem is that Michelle has been talking to two friends in particular. They are under the impression that she "didn't do anything" and that Sarah's the one being mean to HER. She was attempting to tell them the reason why I was mad, but really she didn't understand it herself.

I was mad at her for the way she acted at my party. After I told her this, she assumed my parents told me the backstory. "Don't be mad at me because your mom and Sarah set me up," she told me. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time, so I had to ask. But I still wasn't mad at her for what Sarah or my parents had to say. I couldn't care less. I wanted an apology for how she acted at my party.

She didn't accept the real reason why I was mad, and went about with her tyranny towards my other friends. Upon seeing these reactions, it only made me think less of her.

Now, knowing some of her blatantly wrong judgments, there's no way she's coming back from this situation.

This doesn't seem to be dying down at all.

Two days ago I got a total of 22 texts from this girl in under an hour. The four that I replied to were responses to her saying she was going to come down to my house. I told her I was leaving, so she shouldn't come down (not a lie).

Unfortunately, I can't block numbers on my phone... I've already had to shut my cell phone off twice, because she kept calling. When I shut it off, she called my house phone. I let it ring the first time, then told my dad he could answer if she called again.

If this harassment keeps up, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Nothing from her yet today, though... I'm just hoping she's calming down.

You're right, Michelle has issues. However, remember that she's also only 14, an age where everyone, and I do mean everyone, is inclined to do foolish things. She may feel that her side of the story hasn't really been heard. In her mind, she may really believe that it's not her fault. Maybe she was hurt by the lack of trust. Maybe she feels insecure, and the whole situation really made it worse. She reacted, not psychotically, but defensively.

"Over-confident"? Maybe she's just asserting her hope and doesn't want anyone to know that she's uncertain.

"Not over till she says it is"? She may have phrased it poorly, but this is a sentiment I understand. Perhaps what she really meant was that she would continue to be your friend even if you didn't want to be hers. I feel this way towards several people who no longer contact me. If they did, however, or if I saw they were in trouble, I would certainly help them, because I never stopped being their friend.

"Threatened to come talk to you"? How is asserting a desire to talk it over a threat? How can there ever be any resolution if you are unwilling to talk to her? Of course she doesn't understand, because you won't communicate.

"Don't talk about me- it's just rude"? Well, it is, and she has every right to be upset about that. You can't tell me that if people were going around talking about how mean you are, you wouldn't be bothered by it. You've already said you are, because you don't like that two friends have "joined her side."

I'm not saying that any of her actions are excuseable. But a little bit more understanding on both parts could circumvent a disaster that destroys numerous friendships. Why can't you be friends with her again? Why can't you overcome this? Are your relationships that conditional? If a person doesn't live up to your expectations you just drop them? Be honest: Michelle doesn't mean much to you, so you can just drop her and stubbornly refuse to forgive her or talk about it with her with out any problems.

And for the record, forgiveness doesn't have to requested to be given.

I've found that when there is a major disagreement between my friends, the best thing to do is to get a moderator that is completely outside the situation and can be objective. Then sit down with you, her, Sara, and the moderator, and have a discussion. Set limits. No interuptions allowed, everyone gets a turn to be heard. No insults.

It's obvious that your friendship is very important to Michelle. The very least you could do is take the time to explain why hers mean so little to you.

I totally understand that it's unfair to drop her like a bad habit if I haven't explained to her why I don't want to be her friend anymore. She sent me a message online, with her explanation. In this message she continued to blame my parents and Sarah for her behavior.

I calmly replied, saying that I was upset by her actions (and said the specific actions), and that nothing she spoke of could justify them. She told me she thought others were influencing my opinion of her and I didn't have the whole story. Of course, at this point, I'm the ONLY one with the whole story. And I'm more than capable of making my own choices.

She hasn't accepted responsibility for her behavior. And I don't think she can because she doesn't understand. She can't realize she's in charge of her behavior. I've seen it in her little sister, as well. I DID get an apology, but her words were, "I'm sorry, okay? Everything was my fault. I just don't want to fight." A surrender.

She's constantly complaining to other friends that I won't give her a reason for my ignoring her. In truth, I HAVE given her precise reasons. She apparently doesn't want reasons, she wants an argument. Something she can defend.

About the thing where I'm talking about her... I think I have a right to. After all, I've lost a friend here, as well. Everyone seems to forget that she's the one who upset me in the first place. I don't ask for pity, but I think I should at least be able to share what I think with others. She can express whatever she feels about me, too, just so long as she isn't outright lying, like she did to the two friends I spoke of.

As for the resolution you mentioned... I've told her I don't want to resolve it, I don't want to talk to her, and for her to say she was going to come down to my house... The communication is unwanted on my part, unneccessary to me, and it would only fuel her fire.

I've had many issues with her in the past, and I've found that it really doesn't matter what you say. She just needs you to say something. I don't care if I never speak a word to her again.