Stupid vent about my husband

We are building a house. At least I think we are. We purchased the land last week, and are still in the preliminary stages.

The numbers came in higher than we expected. So...we are trying to find ways we can cut things out and save some money. We're talking THOUSANDS of dollars we need to trim off the cost.

He has spent DAYS and DAYS talking about the f'ing DOORKNOBS. Asking what color to get, and hey if we get this style instead of that style, we can save some money.

Uh...hello....they are DOORKNOBS for gosh sakes. Maybe $10-$20 bucks a pop. SAVING MONEY ON DOORKNOBS IS NOT GOING TO SAVE US TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

Why on earth does he continue to focus on such a stupid thing??!! I don't get it.

Yet he still wants his 12x12 foot Trex deck out back, and special coating on the garage floor, and custom garage storage cabinets. What the heck??!!!

I know I know I know....we should NOT be building a house right now. But why couldn't I realize that before we bought the land and signed the preliminary contracts???!!!

Ugh.

It could be too much for him to think about, makes him anxious so he concentrates on little things he can "control". It can be hard to give up one's dreams and look at the reality of things. I'm like your husband I think :-) It is good he has you.

Can't you get out of the contracts for a fee? I wouldn't go ahead if it's going to compromise the house; I'd lose the contract fee and save up a bit more or whatever.

Any idea how you're going to alter things? Half bath instead of full, one less room, obviously not a special floor in the garage :-) Maybe wait to build the deck? It's expensive isn't it? We had to have our deck replaced and balcony and screened porch made into a 3-season room and it was over $20,000.

Awwww....it's a very stressful situation for sure. Sounds like hubby is trying to work on the little things that can add up in the long run....yet has his heart set on some real expensive luxuries too.

Maybe you can sit down with a list of things and say ok, this is what really needs to be done now, and this is what we can put off and do at a later date. Realizing of course that by going so much further into debt at this time will stop you both in your tracks to having anything you really want? Compromising is not always easy.....but it sure can beat the alternative

I hope you and hubby can work through this stuff.....and have a beautiful home soon!


sabby

Decks can always be added on later. Storage cabinets can be replaced.

Maybe if you point out that these things don't have to be added right away, but you can definitely add them later, he'll come around. Remind him that all homes are a work in progress. Set a realistic time table for how and when these things can be added.

We could still back out now...but we are somewhat invested. We put $48,000 down on the land, and paid $2,500 out-of-pocket for the house plans. Plus the builder has put a lot of hours into getting all the bids and estimates for us. He is a friend of a friend and we feel a bit obligated after all this work.

We *could* afford the high estimate - but it would be really tight. About $200 a month more than we wanted to pay. Which means my husband can't get his precious Dodge Durango - or, we'd need to cut down my daugther's hours at daycare, go back to just part-time morning preschool....and go back to me & my husband working opposite shifts. I really don't want to *have* to do that.

It's just bugging me that he's focusing so much attention on DOORKNOBS!!! I just dont' get it.

There are a few small things, others mentioned the deck and that would save as much as 10 grand. Also less ornate windows and doors can save money too. You can also negotiate on the appliances and fixtures( bathroom, kitchen, etc). As for the Durango, unless you are going to tow something or go offroading, a fullsized truck-based SUV is a total waste of $$$ There are a lot of much more comfortable crossovers, that are cheaper, and get better gas mileage.( Besides that Chrysler/Dodge products are garbage in terms of quality)

It amazes me what some people are willing to sacrifice to have a house. There are a lot of people out there in a world of hurt now because they believed the lie that a house is some kind of magic investment. It isn't folks. In our parent's day, the appreciation covered all the expenses, it does not this day and age, the so called American Dream is a myth. There are countless stories I have heard of people who have now literally gone upside down on there homes.

I am not trying to discourage anyone, just help bring about understanding of what you are getting into here. Hopefully you two will find the compromises necessary to complete the project and still afford everything that goes with it.

Best of luck

What's the point of having the lovely house if you can't enjoy it with your children? Don't sacrifice your time with your daughter or your husband so you can have trex. Trex is the *new* wood. . .next year it'll be something else.

When we built our house, one thing I learned was that EVERYTHING was negotiable. And I mean EVERYTHING. I dickered and haggled with the people at Lowes!! Yes, you can still do that these days! I got $300 windows for $190, b/c I bought them all at once. I figured, they're all going in at the same time, might as well buy em at the same time. Regarding the floor in the garage. .umm. . .Hello? It's a garage. you park cars in it, and on it. What kind of special floor does it need? Put a drain in the thing, and roll it yourself with the garage floor rubbery paint and viola, you're done. And it costs your $100 versus $5000.

Don't take this the wrong way guys. . . but for men, house building is like sex. They quit thinking with the head on their shoulders. I'd bet money you've seen him make that little pursed lip look, and go "oooooooooo" more than once in this whole process.

Build yourself a sound house that you can COMFORTABLY afford. Spend a couple of years in, build up some equity, make sure you can pay the taxes on it, and THEN make some upgrades like the deck, the garage floor and cabinets. Also, you need to get to the tax assessors office and find out what other homes in that area are selling for, b/c if you build too big and too grand, you might not be able to sell it if the need ever arises.

I think your husband is working on saving money from the bottom up - this way he feels as though he is doing something about the situation right now....... and trust me he is thinking about the financing rather it seems like it or not.

BREATHE........ ((( hugs )))