Help! Ex-Friend Is Trying To Get Me Fired!!!

Hello All

I have a former friend at work that is trying to get me fired!!

The other day I found out through the grapevine that this person is spreading vicious lies about me.

And not only that... but to make matters worse, I got called into the office the other day because apparently this person has lodged a complaint with their company's HR department that I was talking to them.

All I have said to this person is "Hi", "Goodbye" etc when I have seen them in the file room!

I also have engaged in a little bit of chit chatting with this person too about weather and stuff I saw on the news or read about on the internet.

Anyway... you might be wondering why I have talked this person but I guess I just thought that even though we are no longer friends that it would be nice to remain congenial and cordial.

I told my boss that (we are vendors and my trouble making ex-friend works for the company that we service) that there are other people in the office of this other company that I'm not friends with either, but we all chit-chat and get along well with one and another.

Anyway my boss said that despite this, it still has to be investigated by the HR department of the other company. I have a meeting with the HR rep of other company tomorrow...

I am really worried about it!! Have any of you ever heard of someone getting fired for just being nice???

If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

BTW... my boss told me to not talk to this person at all... and I am doing just that. I hope this is enough... as I am not sure what else I can do to appease this person.

Even though I am shocked and hurt by my friend lodging a complaint against me, I am most upset by the lies that this person is telling to other people!!

Peppermint Patty

I'm sorry this happened. At least you'll have a chance to defend yourself tomorrow. Can you take someone with you to be a witness at the meeting tomorrow?

((((((((((((((((( Peppermint_Patty )))))))))))))))))))))))))
Good luck tomorrow, let us know how it goes.

ahh that is so horrible all you were doing was being friendly i dont think you will get fired just explain exactly what has been going on if they are reasonable people im sure they will understand completely best of luck to you

Presumably your company has other accounts; I would tell your boss you don't want to service that account anymore (be proactive and "quit" instead of being fired). I don't know that the other company is/should be investigating you at all since you don't work for them. I doubt you'll get a fair hearing since the other person works for that firm, they'll protect their own rather than a vendor employee?

Don't be "nice" anymore. It's a really ugly thing this person is doing, lying. Don't just "hope" it will be okay, take the offensive and don't stand for it! Lodge your own complaint with your boss and demand he do something about it/protect you/get your duties changed so you don't have to deal with this unscrupulous person anymore.

(((((((((((( Peppermint_Patty ))))))))))))))
I'm sorry

good luck, sounds like the x friend is playing a game of dirty pool.

Gosh I am sorry this is happening, please let us know how things went!!!

Hi Guys,

Well here's what happened in my meeting with HR:

The original complaint by my former friend "Gail" was that I was trying to talk to her. All I would say is "Hi", "Good Morning" etc when I saw her in the file room.

I was only trying to be congenial... but "Gail" complained to Human Resources and they opened an investigation.

Well I had a meeting with HR on Thursday and it appears that now my friend is airing stuff that I told to her in strict confidence!

Here were the questions they asked:

1. Did you ever use the Internet inside of work or outside of work to look up the prices a person paid for on their house, etc?

Did you ever use the Internet either on the job or out to determine a person's age?

2. Did you ever talk about the medications your co-worker "Joan" was using and/or the status of her mental health?

My answer to both questions was "No", however my answers were not entirely truthful. Here are the real truths:

<font color="red">The real answer to question 1:</font>

Yes... I have used my computer AT HOME to look up information on my
co-workers and friends. Here in the United States there are publicly accessible databases set up by state and county governments.

For example, you can look up how much somebody paid when they bought their house, how big it is, it's appraisal value, what it looks like, etc. All you need is a person's last name (you can also use a first name too, to narrow your search) when you visit these sites to find this information!!

You can also use websites like peopledata.com and find out a person's age or date of birth. Again... to use these databases, all you need is a last name and a first name to do a search.

Anyway.. I really don't see the harm in looking up this information AT HOME if it is publicly available!!!

IMHO rather than debating whether it is right or wrong for people to access these databases... the ethics and philosophical debate should be centered entirely on the matter of whether this information SHOULD EVEN BE publicly accessible or not!!!

<font color="red">The real answer to question 2:</font>

"Joan" likes to tell everyone in the office about her mental health and the meds she is taking for her mental health.

Most people (sensible people that is), would not divulge such personal information to others, but "Joan" is happy to tell the whole story!!

Anyway... again... I don't see the harm in talking about "Joan's" mental status or the medications she takes, if "Joan" has already made it public knowledge!!

(Note: "Joan" even warns everyone in the office when she goes off her mental health meds. LOL)

Anyway... the questions just seemed to reek of hypocrisy IMHO. The only thing I see here is a vindictive former friend trying to put me on trial any way she can.

Anyway... what do you think all think? Do you agree with me? If you don't why not? I am just curious as to why HR is even asking me these questions... I just don't see what the big deal is.

Peppermint Patty

Sounds like a bunch of office 'crock'. What I mean is, the HR department is falling into the 'high drama' trap. Seems like this whole thing is simply ridiculous! I don' see what the big deal was in the first place. Looks like everyone over-reacted to petty, Jr High mentality (of the girl who started this whole thing.)

IMHO, seems like the HR is trying to protect the ppl from others who may be trying to research data , yes this is public info, but why are you so interested ( makes one apprehensive) also how would you feel if someone did this to you.
as for Joan, if she wants to tell that is her place to tell, ( this is considered " Office Gossip" ) this could lead to job lose
might be best to keep from gossiping at office, glad things worked out for the best, but be careful they will be watching to see if it's a habit

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nothemama8 said:
IMHO, seems like the HR is trying to protect the ppl from others who may be trying to research data , yes this is public info, but why are you so interested ( makes one apprehensive) also how would you feel if someone did this to you.
as for Joan, if she wants to tell that is her place to tell, ( this is considered " Office Gossip" ) this could lead to job lose
might be best to keep from gossiping at office, glad things worked out for the best, but be careful they will be watching to see if it's a habit

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It wouldn't bother me one bit if a co-worker looked up my house using a public database.

I would think of them as nosey but I wouldn't be apprehensive. Quite honestly it would be no different than looking up someone's address in a phone book, making a note of it and one day when one happens to be in the neighborhood, driving by their place to see what it looked like.

Computers just make easier now, the house photos are online, so one doesn't have to waste the gas, lol. It's alot of safer too... especially if you find that one of your co-workers lives in a ghetto, lol.

But anyway... getting back to this matter with my former friend... In this case my friend "Gail" and I would talk about other people's houses outside of work... as in "SO and SO has a really big house, etc", or "Laticia's house is located in a very bad neighborhood and looks like a shack."

Our conversations over other's houses were no different than the conversations people have in regards to the cars other people drive.

The way I see it... Gail is now dishing the dirt on this matter just because we are no longer friends, she hates my guts, and she wants to get me fired.

But her accusations IMHO amount to a pot calling the kettle black. She loved to talk about other people too and it wasn't like we were telling this to other people. It was just shared among the two of us.

So why HR is spending time on this crock of crap is beyond me. Obviously they don't have enough things to do with their time.

However if I lose my job over this, I guess maybe I should consider it to be a blessing. My job was going to be ending there in about a year's time anyway. And it was very weird place filled with people like "Joan" etc.

Peppermint Patty

When one door closes another opens Peppermint,,,and we often find that the room we were in was awfull stuffy...

Change is given to us in many ways,,more often without our asking.

But it is a gift for sure and one opened with trepedation.

I love your attitude...

Lenny

PPatty, not trying to offend, I had a young lady cleaning house for me once and she was getting good pay, behind my back she was telling ppl what a lazy sloppy house I kept, this cost her a good paying job and a friend, just be careful who you gossip about so it don't bite you in the butt
another job related friendship lost was when I was a womans supervisor in a mental health drop in center we were great friends, then when I was leaving my job it got back to me that she was telling ppl that I was having relations with some of the male service providers that brought there ppl to the drop in center, totally false , friendship lost

Hi Peppermint Patty,

Having been a manager, and in the middle of employee disputes, I suspect you are right that your co-worker(s) have turned against you for some (maybe petty) reasons, but it sounds like you have learned a lesson in interpersonal communication. No law was broken right?

At best, you should mediate to be moved, even if it requires some training. Swear you've learned a lesson and that you're willing to do anything to show your commitment to the organization. Chalk it up as experience and move on as a wiser woman. If there isn't a potential for reassignment, get mediation done between you and your immediate co-workers to resolve the issue--just enough that you can be civilized 8 hours a day. Prove you can be professional and start job hunting.

I do hope the issue blows over for you. It is a painful experience.

we learn from these experiences - unless we are untrainable, lol.

move on, work this out, and quit playing the gossip games at work with co-workers.

your better off focusing on work and what you are going to do afterwards, than on on others personal info.

just because it's available to do, doesn't mean it's alright to do it.

concentrate on being a trustworthy person, and you will not to deal with this kind of petty ugliness again.

at work, remain above reproach.

deep down, you know gathering personal info on people is sneaky.

you are better than that.

peace,
nightbird

I avoided this thread because a similar thing happened to me. It was cleared up in my favor, but it was several months of sheer hell. My “friend” actually made up a bunch of crap because she was jealous of a promotion I got that she felt she deserved.

I’m curious what happened? Is the investigation finished? What were the results?

I admit that I would feel uncomfortable if a co-worker looked up personal information about me on the internet then gossiped about it at work. Just because the information is there, doesn’t mean you need to find it. And if you feel the need to find it, why make it a topic of office gossip? Doing something like this has put HR in a very difficult position.

“Joan’s” situation is different, she brought the information to the table so she has no basis for complaint.

Did I kill the thread? Do we know what happened?

(((((AAAAA)))))

You didn't kill anything Sweet Person!

It was probably me, but heck, we tell the truth of how we feel around here.

We don't all always agree, but that is how life is... to try to act or say otherwise is 'fake'.

I wouldn't worry about it, I saw another thread by P.P. around here someplace.

love,
nightbird

Thanks so much for your kind words nightbird, I'm very curious to discover what happened.

I just saw this thread and had to respond. I hope everything worked out well for you, Pep Patti!

I had a similar situation a few years back that gave me nightmares for years. But in the end leaving that job was the best thing I've done.

ANyway, someone who had my position before I did got fired/quit before I ever even knew the place existed. This was a parks and rec job, my 'friend' moved involuntarily to another facility. And for years tried to be my friend and get me on her good side so I'd tell her things. I can be a little gullible sometimes and fell for that bad. I wanted to be part of the group she hung out with and put up with a lot of crap to do that.

Forward a couple years, I find out she's been bad mouthing me all over the district and has been gunning for my job. And because political jobs suck and HR was no help at all, she now has it back. I quit before I got canned but that was coming.

Like I said, moving on was the best thing in the end. I hope if you've stayed there, things are going better for you! I learned a lot about 'friends' and 'work' and now have a pretty solid rule about keeping those separate! Which sucks in it's own way but at least I don't have to watch my back so much at work!